The nerd-o-sphere has lit up at Variety’s news that Warner Bros. has the rights to make a live-action version of the cult anime Ninja Scroll, to be produced by Leonardo DiCaprio’s Appian Way company. I’m part of the small minority that thinks Ninja Scroll sucks despite its highly preposterous actions scenes, but even despite that, I don’t know why people are getting so damn excited. It’s not going to happen, first of all. This is the second anime property DiCaprio has picked up?the other being Akira?and there’s zero indication that it’s anywhere close to really happening.
More importantly, even if Ninja Scroll does get made, because of it’s fanbase, it’ll will be PG-13, and thus lose all the crazy ultra-violence that made the movie interesting. (Don’t believe me? Watch the 13-episode Ninja Scroll TV series, which is pretty much the movie without any action scenes.) Warner is not going to make an R-rated movie of an action property mostly loved by teens, so there won’t be naked assassins flying about, no limbs being torn off, no men falling into molten gold. So there. If anyone needs me, I’ll be downtown, yelling the endings to movies and stealing candy from children.