Stop right there. There’s no need to put yourself through today’s installment of Fan Fiction Friday. Frankly, if you have looked at this image and have comprehended the fact that there exists a story about Goofy and his son’s pal Pete Jr. from Goof Troop making sweet love — and not had your neural matter explode out your ears in self-defense — that’s all you need to do. You’re not going to read words that are more terrifying than have been featured in previous FFFs, but the fact that they’re about GOOFY AND THE FAT KID FROM GOOF TROOP MAKES THEM HORRIBLE BEYOND IMAGINING. So don’t do it. Just don’t do it.
“How’d it turn out?” Goofy asked, handing him a warm mug of potato soup, sitting next to him on the couch.
P.J. took a big spoonful. “Oh, this is awesome, Mr. G. Awesome with a capital A.”
Goofy shot a pleased look into his own mug before digging in.
They didn’t talk much as they worked their way through the soup,
but when P.J.’s mug was empty, he clinked his spoon idly inside of it
for a moment before turning to the older man. “Mr. Goof, if I tell you
why I’m hiding out in your house like a dork, will you promise not to
freak out?” His eyes were wide and searching.
“I promise.” Goofy swallowed, hoping to the almighty that P.J.
hadn’t killed someone or something like that. Or even just plagiarized;
that’d be bad enough. More clinking of the spoon, and Goofy reached for
the mug, gently taking it from P.J. “Actually, to be honest,” he added,
“I might not keep that promise if I have to turn you in.” He sighed.
“You didn’t commit any crimes, did you, P.J.?”
“Oh, no. Nothing like that.” P.J. squirmed now, without the
distraction of the empty soup mug. “I think….” he started off slowly,
and then quickly finished, “I know I’m gay.”
There was a dead silence for a couple seconds that nearly had P.J.
sweating, and then the soup mugs were sat on the edge of the table and
Goofy’s arms were around P.J in a flash.
The move was so sudden and so accepting that P.J. felt tears come
to his eyes as he rested his head on Goofy’s shoulder. “He told me he
never wanted to see me again,” he said, voice weak with emotion.
He gently pat P.J.’s back, helping him sit up, grabbing a couple
tissues for him to blow his nose and wipe his eyes. “He’s been my
friend for a long time, though. And, well, I probably know better than
most. I could confess somethin’ myself.” He paused, trying to decide
whether to spill or not.
P.J. looks like this, in case you don’t remember:
Just so we’re all on the same page.
P.J., face still a little red and blotchy, looked at him expectantly.
“One time, I sort of made a move on him, I guess you would say.”
P.J.’s eyes widened. “We were really young and I didn’t know better. He
told me the same thing. But I’m still his friend, right? And you’re
still his son.”
P.J. wiped at his eyes a little more.
“You should try and make things right.” He gave P.J. one last pat
on the shoulder before taking the empty mugs to the kitchen and sitting
them in the sink, putting the rest of the soup away for later.
“Okay. Alright,” P.J. said. Goofy had given him a little hope;
something he didn’t have a lot of. He pushed himself up off of the
couch. “See you later, Mr. Goof.”
Goofy poked his head out of the kitchen. “Good luck.”
You read it, didn’t you. You poor fool. You poor, poor fool.
Look, I’ve got to get through this quickly, because I have to purchase a firearm and shoot myself in the head as quickly as possible. Suffice to say, Pete Jr confronts his dad Pete, who tells him to get lost, then Goofy talks to Pete on behalf of Pete Jr., but to no avail — although Pete does call his son a “homosexicle,” which means author The Unbreakable Snape Fan is trying to keep the Goof Troop characters as accurate as possible… in his erotic Goof Troop fan fiction. It’s the little touches that make me despair the most! Well, and this:
P.J. followed Goofy back into the house quietly, a little embarrassed.
“Sorry about my dad. He loves accusing people of things.”
“It’s okay; I know your mom’d believe me, even if your dad won’t.”
“Screw my dad,” P.J. said, slamming the front door to the house,
turning back to Goofy. “Seriously. I’m like so ready to break every
single one of his rules.”
“You’ve felt like this before,” Goofy pointed out. “You’ll have to
deal with the consequences of all your actions, don’t forget.”
“I remember.” P.J.’s hand was on Goofy’s cheek and he pulled him
down for a kiss. It wasn’t rushed at all. It was slow and warm and he
was being kissed back, until…
“Gawrsh” is right, Goofy! You’re about to be portrayed as a sexual being, in defiance of all things good and holy!
The older man had a dazed look on his face and he pushed
past P.J. to go to his room and hide until things stopped being
awkward, P.J. guessed. He followed him.
“Mr. Goof?” He winced, “Look, I’m sorry. Not that it wasn’t nice and all. Maybe I should go.”
Goofy shook his head. “I should be the one apologizin’. You don’t
have to leave. Max’s room is still Max’s room, and he wants you to stay
here, so you’re welcome to.” He went into his room, shut the door, and
waited until he was sure P.J. was down in Max’s room before he took a
shower of his own.
Most of the time, P.J. wasn’t a very bold person. But the sound of
the shower gave him an idea. A bad idea, one that probably wouldn’t end
well, but, selfish or not, he wanted what he wanted right now. Not what
his parents wanted for him. Not what Max wanted from him–and if Max
found out he’d kissed his dad, and maybe more, well….
Anyway, he seized the opportunity to hide out in Goofy’s room with
the light off, under the comforter. Heart thrumming, he kind of felt
like an idiot, but he had to try, right? Yeah, he did.
NO NO HE DOESN’T PLEASE GOD NO
“Guess mah bulb burnt out,” Goofy said to himself cheerily, and
then froze as he saw that P.J. was waiting for him. “Do you want my
room? I guess I can sleep somewhere else. It does get good back
support, you know.” Not looking at P.J., he went to his dresser,
rummaging around for a pair of underwear.
“We don’t have to tell anyone.”
“About the kissin’? Yeah, of course not.” A quick glance over at his old friend’s son.
“Mr. Goof. Please.” He swallowed. “Just, put those down and come
here. Otherwise I’ll come over there myself,” he said, trembling
slightly in anticipation of both the good and the bad of possible
responses to that.
“You’re Max’s friend,” came the automatic response. “That’s about as off-limits as anything.”
“So if I wasn’t Max’s friend?”
“And were a lot older.”
P.J. frowned. “I’m almost 21, Mr. Goof.” He paused and corrected
himself. “I mean…Goofy.” They stared at each other for a long moment.
P.J. stood, flicked the lights back off, and started removing his
“You turn that light back on,” Goofy said sternly, with just a hint of nervousness.
“You want the lights back on?”
“Yes, I want them back on.”
“Final answer, man?”
“Pete Junior,” he said sternly. And then the lights were on and
P.J. was naked and his eyes narrowed. “That’s not what I meant,” he
said, taking his own underwear over to his closet, searching for a pair
P.J. took in a shuddery breath. “Mr. G, I’m like three seconds
from bolting out of this room, and I won’t be able to come back. This
is the one chance.”
There was a pause where Goofy seemed to be sizing him up
emotionally. He sighed, slumping a little in defeat. “Why are you so
set on this? You know how weird this is, us two, right?”
“I don’t care. You’re like…a guy who doesn’t get weirded out like that.”
BECAUSE HE’S FUCKING GOOFY, GODDAMMIT, AND THESE THINGS AREN’T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN TO HIM
A soft chuckle. “That’s not true.”
“And I was thinking, you know. You liked my dad, and I look a lot like him.”
“You do. But looks aren’t all there is to a person. You’re a lot
kinder than he is. I don’t want to mess up your experimentation and
all. You’re still young.”
“Stop it! Just stop it, okay? I don’t want to try something just because it seems normal, or not
Goofy fidgeted with the towel wrapped around his head until it
came off, and then he twisted it in his hands, thinking. “What if you
think I used you? What if I think you used me?”
“I guess we’ll just have to trust each other.” He flicked the lights off again.
If you weren’t crying already, this is a good point to start. For the record, I’m sobbing uncontrollably.
Goofy was on him quickly after that, nosing one of P.J.’s ears,
making it twitch gently with a breathy laugh. He took P.J.’s hand and
led him to the bed. His warm hands and gentle, flicking tongue were all
over P.J., memorizing his body. P.J. trembled slightly, panting for
“I haven’t even gotten to the good part yet,” the voice teased him breathily in the dark, fingers light on P.J.’s thigh.
“I guess you’re just good at this,” he murmured, embarrassed at
how his body was apparently overreacting to the touches. Maybe his dad
had a point about him slaving for affection and stuff.
He bit his lip and whimpered when he was taken in Goofy’s hand,
letting the feeling overwhelm him further. With a filthy, filthy rock
of his hips he was coming with a choked off cry. He bit the back of his
glove to stifle the noise, trembling a little more when Mr. Goof pulled
that hand away, gently pressing a kiss to his cheek.
P.J. felt the weight of the bed shift and made another soft,
sexed-up noise, this time in sated protest. “Don’t go,” he said
“Don’t you worry. I’m not going to tell your father,” he assured him, hand already on the doorknob.
“Where are you going?” P.J. sat up, wincing at how pathetic he sounded whining like that.
“Um…I was just going to….Well….”
“Let me do it.”
“Don’t ‘P.J.’ me. I’m not five,” he murmured gently.
That’s a whole ‘nother fan fic!
let me return the favor.” When he heard the springs and felt the weight
again, he wasted no time in unhitching the towel around Goofy’s waist,
curling his fingers around the man, just like he’d done for him.
With a gasp and a gulp, Goofy pointed out, “You don’t have to do
this, Peej.” A slight twist of the wrist and he gasped again. “Quick
learner, P.J.,” he breathed, “aren’tcha?”
P.J. knew he had to be close by now and worked at him until he
felt Goofy release with a soft groan. They didn’t move for a while, his
hand resting idle against Goofy’s thigh. After he seemed to recover a
little, Goofy wiped the mess off both of them with one of his two
“What have we got ourselves into this time?” He touched P.J.’s cheek with the barest of touches.
“Something bigger than both of us. Something good, I hope.”
“We can’t tell Pete. Or Max.”
“Well yeah, of course. It’ll be our secret.” He scooted just a
little closer and closed his eyes as he felt himself being embraced
“You sure you don’t mind?”
“No. As long as we do it again.”
A soft chuckle. “You’re just as greedy as ol’ Pete.”
“Oh, come on, man. You hadn’t had any for a while.” There was a pause. “You sure know your way around a cock, don’t you?”
And for your reference:
To continue, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
There was that bigger laugh. Ah-hyuck. P.J. snuggled even closer
as Goofy stuttered out some sort of a reply. He wasn’t listening
anymore. The words didn’t matter; the tone was nice, the chest was
rumbling, and the affection was tangible.
Now I pray for the sweet release of death, and will never know happiness again! Gawrsh!