FFF: The Cast of Buffy and Desperate Housewives in “The Dalek Invasion of Earth”

Are you ready? You’re not. No one can be. I’ve read the damn thing twice, and even I’m not ready for the masterpiece of insanity which is about to ensue. If it’s at all possible, I highly suggest you grab a drink before you start reading what might be my new favorite FFF entry ever.

Let me tell you, at six very lengthy chapters (and still to be continued) “The Dalek Invasion of Earth” is so epic, I can’t possibly do justice to it. Honestly, the best I can do is summarize most of it, and then give you a few brief selections which are indicative of author LL72’s opus as a whole, and far too indicative of his pornography preferences and lack of actual sexual experience. So to begin, the disclaimer from the author:

Disclaimer: I don’t own Doctor Who, the Daleks, Desperate Housewives or Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I am making no money from this fiction.

Every single fan fic starts with this disclaimer, and it’s always ludicrous. You know, if you’re writing a story about Goofy fucking one of the cast members of Goof Troop, I am fairly confident that you’re not the CEO of Disney trying whittle away a lazy Friday afternoon. And if you feel you need to point out that you do not three popular television shows… you don’t. We know you don’t own the characters. Really.

You need to know even my summary  of this madness is intensely long — like 4000 words long. Also, you should know that the author uses the words “slot” and “quim” in place of “vagina” several hundred million times. He also uses the word “milf” a great deal, despite the story being told in a third-person omniscient voice, which is as wonderful to me as anything. Buckle your self belts, boys and girls, because the ride is about to start.

The story begins with all males on the planet suddenly ill, although the womenfolk don’t realize it. On Wisteria Lane, Lynette (Felicity Huffman) sends her hot daughter Julie to the mall (who is someone don’t know, but she looks like this):

In ships just outside of Earth’s atmosphere, one Dalek announces to another that all human males will be dead in fifteen minutes.

In nearby Sunnydale, Buffy’s mom Joyce has graphic sex with Cordelia (Charisma Carpenter, in case you don’t remember) in her car, as the two have been secret lovers for some time. They drive to the mall. At the mall, Julie meets Bree (Marcia Cross), and the Dalek ships arrive.

As all human males on Earth die, a Dalek arrives on Wisteria Lane and kills Lynette, obviously because she was not attractive enough to the author to engage in the lesbian sex which is to follow. As the Daleks rampage at the mall, Bree and Julie escape in a car.

The Daleks capture Katherine (Dana Delany), her daughter Dylan (another unknown but sufficiently hot actress) and Susan (Teri Hatcher). On board the spaceship, the Daleks strip them naked, and it’s time for our first snippets!

A green Dalek moved in front of them, it’s eyestalk fixing on each of the three naked women in turn, “I am Scientist Kral,” it exclaimed, “obey me or you will be exterminated.”

Katherine nodded dumbly. Kral continued, “We are going to conduct experiments on you – to test human female sexuality.”

“Why?” Susan spoke, her voice quavering.

Katherine closed her eyes and waited for the death rattle. There was no scream instead Kral answered, “The Supreme Dalek wishes to see if slaves are more efficient if Daleks understand their impulses and psychology. Earth has been chosen for this experiment.”

Kral’s eyestalk swivelled towards Katherine and as it did so the Daleks by her side lowered their suckers. Released of their support Katherine staggered forward. Another Dalek moved forward, a rubber strap-on held in it’s sucker.

“Put on the sexual instrument,” ordered Kral and Katherine reluctantly complied.

A Dalek moved behind Susan and pushed her forward towards Katherine. Katherine reached her arms out to steady her neighbour.

“You will penetrate the older woman’s vagina with your sexual implement,” Kral’s distorted voice echoed from his modulator.

There was a slight pause as Katherine and Susan looked at each other in horror. Neither had even entertained sexual thoughts about another woman and now they were being told to have sex.

“Obey! Obey! Obey!” shrieked Kral hysterically. His weapon swung between Dylan and the two women. Around him the other Daleks took up the chant, their plasma guns swinging round to threaten the humans.

“We better do as they say,” said Susan and disengaged herself from Katherine. She lay on the cold metal floor and spread her legs. With one hand she started to pry apart her slot. She gave a nervous smile at Katherine, “Come on, then.”

Katherine felt herself blushing, she could see that her naked skin was bright red. But one look at the Daleks menacingly pointing their weapons at Dylan made her decision for her. She moved and lay on top of Susan. She could feel the other woman’s tits wobble slightly beneath her, as she clumsily tried to move the cock into Susan’s hole. Susan’s hand helped guide it in and Katherine felt Susan shudder as the dildo started to slide down her hole.

Katherine began to gradually move her waist up and down. Her topped remain in situ, slight vibrations moving up her body made her tits bounce slightly and she could feel her own nipples move against Susan. It didn’t take her long to get used to the thrusting. It was easy to get into a rhythm and she began to move automatically, without any conscious thought needed.

Beneath her she could see Susan’s looking up at her. The expression on Susan’s face was starting to change. No longer was it a mixture of terror and disgust, but joy. A wide grin split Susan’s face as Katherine rammed the cock in. Katherine began to speed up, pushing the toy in as deep as she could manage with each thrust, enjoying seeing Susan’s face contort with pleasure and to hear the little pants, which sounded so loud when your ears were just inches from the other’s face. Katherine felt she owed it to Susan to go as deep as she could.

Naturally, Katherine’s daughter Dylan is turned on by this, which is good, as the Dalek immediately orders Katherine to fuck her daughter.

“You will now enter the sexual implement in the younger human female’s anus,” croaked Kral.

Katherine felt a wave of nausea coming up, but she choked it back down, “I can’t. She’s my daughter.”

Kral seemed to note the information, his guttural voice saying, “Taboo of sexual intercourse between human female and descendant.”

He swung back towards Katherine, his eye stalk swinging up and down her body, “Illogical. Union can produce no children. Obey, or you will be exterminated.”

Katherine turned to Dylan with a look of horror. Her daughter paused for a second and then got to her hands and knees. Katherine walked over to her, noticing that Dylan was quaking in fear. Katherine leant down and pulled apart her daughter’s ass cheek’s as far as they could go. She was grateful that Susan’s jizz still lubricated the dildo, and she leaning forward she began to gingerly push it in the hole. The cock struggled to fit in. Katherine remove one of her hands from Dylan’s cheeks and gripping the toy hard began to push it in.

There was a cry of pain from Dylan and the teen began to whimper lightly as Katherine tried to force the dildo down her virginal back passage.

“Ssshhh, sssshhhh, Mommy loves you,” Katherine took her spare hand from Dylan’s cheek and stroked her daughter’s naked back. Dylan slowly began to relax and the dildo gradually crawled up her expanding hole.

Please note the author’s use of the word “jizz” for vaginal secretions. This mistake is repeated several millions times through the story, and it never stops being hilarious.

Once it was in Katherine began to pull back. Then she moved forward again, it was a slow movement, but faster than last time. The noise from Dylan was different to, instead of a cry, it was more a sexualised moan. Katherine felt shocked, but she reasoned, Dylan was probably trying to block out it was her Mom and imaging someone else. It was better than Dylan tried to enjoy it.

She moved her hand from Dylan’s back and slid it down to her daughter’s naked slot. The pussy was already damp, and even as Katherine ran her finger over the open hole she could feel further juice dropping down. Katherine thrust forward again, as she did so she extended a finger and slid it into Dylan’s quim. She continued to move the finger as she banged into her daughter’s ass, continuing until she felt the little bit of hard flesh of her daughter’s clit. Dylan’s moaned louder as the Katherine rubbed at her. Katherine felt her own sexual excitement building as the end of the cock buried itself within her.

“Oh Mom, fuck my ass. Fuck my virgin ass,” groaned Dylan.

Like I couldn’t share that line with you. After mom helps her daughter Dylan reach orgasm, the experiments are over. But the story has only just begun.

END OF CHAPTER ONE, MOTHER FUCKERS.

Buffy, Willow and Faith are on the run from Daleks. The author tries to
give them Whedon-esque dialog, which results in Buffy calling a Dalek a
“frat boy.” Meanwhile, other Daleks capture Joyce and Cordelia, and Bree takes Julie to a country club/cabin thing in the woods. At the cabin, Julie takes a shower and immediately eats a dinner prepared by Bree while wearing nothing but a towel. Obviously, this leads to lesbian sex.

Julie watched as Bree opened the fridge and bent over the salad drawer. When she turned to face Julie she was holding a large cucumber.

“Do you think it will fit?” Julie asked nervously.

Bree nodded, “Now you’re ready it’s amazing what will fit up there.”

She knelt down beside Julie, and opened Julie’s legs wider, as they had begun to involuntary contract on sight of the cucumber. Bree slid one hand over the pussy and with a finger on each side opened the crack. She pushed the tip of the cucumber into the teen’s twat. Julie shuddered as the cold piece of vegetable entered; it was too big she thought, it’ll never get in.

But Bree was patient. She slowly pushed aside the resistance and thrust the cucumber in.

After fucking the teen with the cucumber, Bree teaches Julie how to perform cunnilingus. Meanwhile, in the woods, Buffy, Willow and Faith warm up by having lesbian sex. And on the Dalek ship, the Daleks impregnate Susan and Dylan. End of Chapter 2!

Buffy, Willow and Faith come across Bree and Julie’s cabin, and after a bit of confusion, are invited in. Buffy, Willow and Faith take a shower and lesbian sex. That night in bed, Bree and Julie also have lesbian sex.

Joyce and Cordelia are returned to Earth as slaves in a Dalek prison. On another ship, Buffy’s sister Dawn (a young Michelle Trachtenberg) sadly recalls losing he virginity to a Dalek wielding a rubber truncheon the night before.

Having scored high in some kind of test, a Dalek announces that a small group of humans will be the Daleks’ security force on Earth, and that they have to volunteer or be killed. This includes Bree’s daughter Danielle (actress Joy Lauren), who meets her bunkmate… Wolfram and Hart executive and Angel character Lilah Morgan! Dun-dun-dunnnnnh!

While foraging for supplies in town, Buffy, Faith and Bree raid a sex shop.

Buffy could see Bree blush. Looking round Buffy could see why. The door she had kicked in belonged to that of a XXX store. DVDs, magazines and various sex toys littered the shelves and racks. Faith grinned at Buffy and Bree, Buffy grinned back and Bree went even redder.

Outside the tramping of feet got louder and with them they could hear the whirr of servomotors as a Dalek glided along. Bree reached into her bag and silently drew her pistol. She pointed it at the door, which in the wind banged lightly against the frame. The footsteps continued, tramping past the door and into the distance, until they faded away.

Faith picked up a carrier bag and started dropping in various toys, “We might as well pick up some of this stuff whilst we’re here.”

Buffy agreed with her and picked up a fetching naughty nurse uniform that she thought would fit Willow. She dropped it in the bag and then scooped up a couple of DVDs to join it.

“This isn’t the type of stuff we’re meant to be collecting,” protested Bree.

The two teens ignored her and continued to loot a variety of sex toys and films. Bree sighed in defeat and dropped in a double-ended dildo. She sighed again and picked a couple of strap-ons from a shelf.

In the Dalek prison, a butch lesbian tries to have sex with Cordelia and Joyce tries to help.

“Let go off her,” said Joyce.

The tattooed woman laughed, “Why?”

Joyce paused, it wasn’t a question she had been expecting.

“She’s mine,” she finally answered. The language of the jail was probably the only thing the woman understood.

Good call, Joyce! Buffy’s mom is forced to beat the shit out of the non-attractive butch lesbian.

Joyce let her go, “Try it again, on anyone here and I’ll kill you.”

The woman nodded and slunk to her own bed. Elsewhere in the dormitory there was a round of applause. Joyce blushed and got into bed, she was still shaking. Seconds later she could feel the sheets being lifted and someone else joined her, “I thought you said I was yours,” whispered Cordelia.

The teen squeezed herself closer to Joyce and slipped a hand over Joyce side. She stroked at Joyce’s midriff and then moved her lips to kiss lightly at the back of the Milf’s neck. The adrenaline of the fight began to soak away, to be replaced by another chemical. Joyce gave a light moan. She took Cordelia’s hand and guided it lower.

They have attractive-people lesbian sex, as is proper and right. End of Chapter 3!

The Daleks put Susan, Dylan and Katherine in a fake suburban house to study humans in their natural habitat. The Daleks point out this includes human sexuality, and the three women smile at the thought of all the lesbian sex they’ll be having.

Bree, Faith and Buffy return to the cabin, where the latter girls give Willow a nightie pilfered from the sex shop.

Intrigued Willow went into the adjoining bathroom. She slipped out of her clothes and into the nightdress. It light blue material cut down at the front, it’s v-shape slipping just under her nipples. The lacy bottom tickled against her midriff, leaving her pussy and ass exposed. Willow admired herself in the mirror, a few days ago she’d never have imagined wearing anything so daring. Times changed, she mused, and some of the changes were not for the worse.

She opened the door and sexily sidled back into the bedroom. Faith and Buffy were lying on the bed. They were nude, except both had a large dildo strapped to their waist. Buffy was playing with hers seductively. Faith was lying back, her hands under her head, waiting for Willow

“Whow,” Willow looked at the two phalluses and felt a wave of lust rushing up from her toes, “Just whow.”

“Better than fingers,” Buffy purred.

Willow nodded. She climbed onto the food of the bed and clambered on her arms and knees to between the others.

“Much better,” she said, as she briefly ran her hand down the ribbed rubber of Faith’s cock. It was at least eight inches, possibly more and its girth was such that Willow couldn’t quite fit her finger and thumb round it. She glanced at Buffy’s toy – it seemed even larger.

Buffy saw her look, “You’ll want to suck it,” she said, “make it nice and wet.”

Tensely Willow bent forward. She had never sucked at a cock before and wasn’t sure she could swallow it. To start with she lightly licked at the toy, running her tongue between the grooves and ridges. As she did so she began to feel Faith’s hands slipping under her nightie and massaging at the small of her back. The teen’s strong fingers kneaded into Willow’s flesh. Willow felt herself begin to relax and as she did the thought of taking the cock in her throat, didn’t seem so scary.

First of all, I’d like to point out Willow’s incredibly chipper attitude. Admittedly, have the human race has died and most of what’s remaining has been enslaved by aliens, but there’s lots of lesbian sex for the rest  of ’em! Way to look on the bright side. Second of all, I think we can all agree that everything the author learned about lesbian sex, he learned from Google Image Search.

Hearing their co-occupants having loud lesbian sex, Bree and Julie decide to have lesbian sex as well with one of the strap-ons. Julie requests Bree to fuck her in the ass, and Bree acquiesces.

In whatever the hell Dalek prison ship she’s on, Dawn meet Angel character Fred (Amy Acker)! The two plan an escape via a teleportation device, and Dawn is safely returned to Earth. Alas, Fred is killed in the attempt. Shockingly, no one has lesbian sex during this scene. In the Dalek prison on the ground, Joyce meets a new girl.

“Excuse me,” said the woman again. It was an English accent, not just English but the stereotypical middle class accent of the Home Counties.

“Yes,” said Joyce.

“Erm,” the girl stammered, “I, er wondered, um…” she paused and then blurted out the rest of the sentence in a rush, “if I could be your bitch tonight?”

Joyce ignored the stifled giggle from Cordelia in the next bed. Instead she pulled back her sheet and gestured to the teen to join her.

“What’s your name?” Joyce asked as the girl slipped nervously into the bed.

“Anna… Anna Popplewell,” the teen said.

This particularly notable because Anna Popplewell is not a fictional character, but the actress who played Susan in the fucking Chronicles of Narnia movies:

Joyce has lesbian sex with Anna. Now Joyce has two bitches — Cordelia, the character from the Buffy the Vampire Slayer TV series, and young actress Anna Popplewell. Yes. This is happening.

Back on the planet, Dawn immediately runs into former Doctor companion Sarah Jane Smith who takes her to her base. Meanwhile, other female survivors find Bree’s cabin, and it is heavily implied that Claire from Heroes is among them. Now that she has a small lesbian army, Bree — the character from Desperate Housewives, not the one of the characters from Buffy for whom this decision would be even slightly appropriate — decides that it’s time to fight back against the Daleks. End of Chapter 4!

While Bree and Buffy and crew are fighting Daleks and Robowomen, Susan and Dylan and Katherine are living a thoroughly preposterous sitcom life because Kral the Dalek is living with them. Since Kral –and I fucked swear I’m not making this up — is busy reading A Tale of Two Cities, the three women decide to go upstairs and have lesbian sex. Yes, Susan and Dylan are very much pregnant with Dalek babies, and yes, Katherine and Dylan are still related by blood. There is this wonderful line:

Dylan smiled at Susan and the two of them pulled down the bedding to reveal a large dildo strapped to Katherine’s pussy. It jutted upwards like a telephone pole all alone in a well-cut field.

As Robowomen Danielle and Lilah hunt down rebel women, they discuss how much they enjoy hunting down rebel women and making them their sex slaves. Eventually, the tide of the battle turns; Lilah is killed and Daniell is found by her mother, Bree. Meanwhile, at the Sarah Jane camp…

“Are you alright?” she asked. She ran her hand down Dawn’s long hair.

Dawn tried a smile and failed, “It would be Mom’s birthday today.”

Sarah stroked at Dawn again and with her other hand gently patted her knee, “I’m sure she’s alright.”

Putting down her weapon Dawn took Sarah’s hand in her own and held it, “It’s the not knowing which is worse. If I knew she and Buffy were dead I could grieve and move on.”

Sarah squeezed her hand; “You know what you need?”

This time Dawn managed to complete her smile and she replied, “A good fuck?”

Leaning forward Sarah kissed the younger teen tenderly on the tip of her nose, “How did you guess?”

“It’s your normal cure for anyone who’s blue,” said Dawn. She moved just enough away from Sarah to pull off her t-shirt and then to unclip her bra.

Dawn’s arms stretched out and wrapped around Sarah’s shoulders, pulling the older woman forward until Sarah’s head was against her tits. Nature took over. Saliva dribbled from Sarah’s mouth as she suckled and tongued each of the nipples in turn whilst Dawn moaned appreciatively.

Sarah undid the top button of Dawn’s jeans and slid her hand in, below the teen’s panties, feeling the smooth skin. Dawn groaned in pleasure as the older woman caressed her. She took hold of Sarah’s hand and reluctantly guided it back out.

“I’m saving myself,” she said. Then she unzipped the jeans and pulled them off. Her panties followed. She turned over and lay on her front, licking her lips sexily.

“You can bang me up the ass,” she said. It was one of her eccentricities that she was happy to be fucked in her back-door, but she wanted her first time in her pussy to be with someone special, not just a ‘pick me up’ screw.

Makes sense to me! Oh, in case you’re wondering there is a 35 year difference between these two. After the lesbian sex — with a dildo still inside both of them, the author is very clear — Doctor Who character Jackie Tyler runs into announce she’s found the TARDIS.

Inside the TARDIS, Rose, Martha, and the Doctor’s daughter Jenny play with sex toys and have lesbian sex in a Jacuzzi. The word “Throat-fuck” is used multiple times.

The three of them lay against the sides of the Jacuzzi; recovering and letting the water relax and rebuild their strength. Suddenly there was a large bang; water, dildos and women were thrown out of the Jacuzzi and against the floor. Jenny was up in seconds and running to the control room, puddles of water forming behind her.

Seconds later Rose and Martha joined her at the console. She looked at them, an expression of shock on her face.

“The time line, it’s been changed. And it can’t be reversed back.”

End of Chapter 5. One more to go!

Bree regretfully shoots her Robowoman daughter Danielle in the head while the TARDIS crew meets the Sarah Jane camp. Jackie Tyler immediately has sex with Rose, who is her daughter.

Rose inwardly gave a shudder. These were not normal thoughts. Then she realised how soft Jackie’s hands were, for her age they were surprisingly smooth and the way she interlocked her fingers with Rose was sensual. Rose thought of her adventures and what she’d seen. Compared to the triple-cocked Polovians for example, having a sudden crush on your Mum was not unusual. And it certainly wasn’t as unusual as hermaphrodite Zoowayers.

Jackie must have been thinking on similar lines, as she didn’t back away as her daughter leant forward and kissed her. Instead she opened her lips and allowed Rose to explore her mouth. As her tongue pressed inwards Rose banished any thoughts about the morality of what she was doing and settled on enjoying it; after all tomorrow they might be dead.

I was going to disapprove, it being incest and all, but then they mentioned the triple-cocked Plovians. Touch?! Back in  prison, Joyce and Anna have lesbian sex yet again!

As Joyce started to butt-fuck her she discovered what ecstasy was. The feelings she had before were like eating a Macdonald’s, whereas now she was devouring a cordon-bleu steak from cows that had only eaten the greenest of grass. She screamed loudly, drowning out the sounds of all the other women who were also orgasming. It got even better as Joyce moved from massaging the outside of her twat to sliding a couple of fingers hard against her clit.

I bet you’re worried about poor Cordelia, aren’t you? Don’t be, since she’s found a new prison pal:

Evangeline Lilly. Not Kate from Lost, mind you, but Evangeline Lilly.

“Can we have the dildo?” Cordelia moved her head away from Evangeline’s cunt.

“Help yourself,” said Joyce. She slipped into bed beside Anna and started to remassage her girlfriend’s pussy back into life.

In all honesty, that scene doesn’t do much to advance the plot. But finally, we move back to the cabin in the woods. The following scene does not contain lesbian sex, but is so awesome I had to share it with you anyways:

In the bedroom Julie had slipped into a robe, leaving it loose enough that it only just covered her cunt and left most of her tits on display. Bree gave her a kiss; Julie could be a bit of an exhibitionist at times. In fact the night before she had entertained most of the rebel band, with a display of what she could do with a cucumber.

The first sitting for breakfast was just finishing and queues were already starting to develop for the downstairs bathroom. Over the last few months the rebel band had grown until there were now about forty women crushed into a house, which was designed to fit no more than eight.

Preparing breakfast was one of Bree’s favourite times of the day. It allowed her a brief respite from being in charge and thinking up plans to hit the Daleks, instead she could imagine that she was just cooking for an extremely large number of houseguests. Then for a few moments she could imagine Danielle was alive and about to come downstairs, rather than rotting in a shallow grave out in the forest.

 Oh, and then Sarah Jane Smith and Dawn and some other Doctor Who characters suddenly arrive at the cabin and say they need Bree’s help to destroy the Daleks. End of Chapter 6, and end of the story… for now.