The Crimson Guard Have Taken Kansas City
Sad news — Cobra has conquered Kansas City, Missouri. The terrorist organization dropped 300 Crimson Guard members into the city, cunningly timed with the beginning of the 2009 Joecon convention, so that instead of screaming or fighting back, children and adult collectors marveled at the idea of receiving a free 12-inch figure during what they thought was a Hasbro publicity stunt. The Cobra troopers had almost no difficulty in subduing the midwestern city. There were no survivors.
About The Author
Robert Bricken is one of the original co-founders of the site formerly known as Topless Robot, and its first editor-in-chief, serving from 2008-12. He brought the site to prominence with “nerd news, humor and self-loathing” as its motto, raising it from total internet obscurity to a readership in the millions, with help from his savage “FAQ” movie reviews and Fan Fiction Fridays. Under his tenure Topless Robot was covered by Gawker, Wired, Defamer, New York magazine, ABC News, and others, and his articles have been praised by Roger Ebert, Avengers actor Clark Gregg, comedian and The Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax, and others. He is currently the managing editor of io9.com. Despite decades as both an amateur and professional nerd, he continues to be completely unprepared for either the zombie apocalypse or the robot uprising.