?Today’s contest idea comes from DJRM, who went out of his way to both Twitter and email me about his plan. He didn’t have to; it’s great idea, mostly because nerds will go waaaaaay out their way to create a theory to explain away a plot hole or obscure some shitty fact about their favorite series. Any nerd who has ever explained why Boba Fett couldn’t have died in the Sarlacc Pit or how Daleks are genuinely scary (sorry, Who fans, I’ve started the first season and they just make me giggle) has been guilty of this.
As always, myself included. I’ll tell you my greatest nerd theory, which I’m still kind of proud of — regarding the midichlorians from Phantom Menace. Like all of you, I was aghast that the Force had suddenly turned into biology and racked my brain trying to explain it. And I did — I became convinced that Lucas had put it in the movie to suck on purpose. I reasoned that Lucas was intentionally making these early Jedi shitty, to which I also ascribed Qui-Gon’s dickish refusal to un-enslave Anakin’s mom — and that Lucas was trying to tell us these Jedi had lost their way with the Force. They had turned it into a science, forbidden Jedi from loving. Had shitty committee meetings instead of doing good. They’d lost their way, and that’s why they could no longer sense the Dark Side when it was right under their fucking noses. So I figured by the third movie, there was going to be a major moment of revelation as the Jedi were getting destroyed, probably by Yoda, about how they’d screwed up, and in that sense, by destroying the corrupted Jedi, Anakin truly was bringing balance back to the Force. And when Luke restarted the Jedi order, he would embrace the spirituality and the compassion that the Prequel Jedi had forgotten, finishing the work.
Now I’ve depressed myself.
So cheer me up by giving me your nerd theories. Only one entry per person, but it has to be something you believed in — or still believe in. There’ll be two winners — one randomly chosen, and then my personal favorite; and the contest will end on October 5th at 12:01 am EST. Have a great weekend, and try not to thinking about Lara’s jungle adventure too much, okay?