Menu

All Hail Hitman Monkey


10303new_storyimage-28139204527.11111111111x800.jpg

?Goddammit, Marvel. I know how calculated this character’s appeal is, and I still can’t help but be in love. A monkey in a suit who’s an assassin? That shit’s not even fair.

“Hitman Monkey is a soulful, tortured, jazz-loving 30-pound engine
of destruction,” explains Executive Editor Axel Alonso. “Think Chow Yun
Fat from ‘The Killer’ as a monkey. To be specific, [a Japanese Macaque] monkey.” …

“Let’s
be clear: HITMAN MONKEY is the harrowing tale of a Macaque monkey from
the mountains of Japan who, though fate and circumstance, is
transformed into the world’s deadliest assassin,” Alonso continues. “I
fail to see what could be funny about-oh. I see your point.”

Hitman Monkey will actually debut as one of Marvel’s digital comics, then show up in Deadpool and, apparently, Spider-Man.

When
asked how he feels Hitman Monkey’s appearance in a Marvel Digital
Comics Exclusive will help build anticipation for the character’s
appearance in February’s DEADPOOL #20, Alonso sees at least one simple
reason:

“The fact that our protagonist is a monkey won’t hurt.” …

Once Hitman Monkey does make his way into the pages of the Merc With a Mouth’s own book, Alonso promises that “Deadpool and Spider-Man
will never know what hit ’em. Hitman Monkey is a skilled martial artist
and crack shot, plus he’s got mad hops. He is really good at what he
does-one might even venture to say, he’s the best there is at what
he-Wait.”

Fuck. You know, I wonder if my utter, instant adoration of Hitman Monkey is an indirect result of me working at ToyFare, where loving monkeys and apes is enforced by law and Clockwork Orange-type visual “stimulation. Are you guys ruefully looking forward to this, or are you irked?