The Nintendo Wii Inches Ever Closer to Pornography
This is a trailer for the upcoming WiiWare game Enjoy Your Massage. It’s all about massaging the backs of shirtless, mediocrely drawn anime women, who moan in pleasure if you do it right. I think the game is pretty much a Simon Says-thing, but you may have to wank your Wii-mote as well. Despite the subject matter and the softcore Skinemax After Dark music, it’s rated E for Everyone.
Look, Nintendo — I don’t want to tell you how to run your business. But if you’re going to approve games like this, just go ahead and make porn games. Seriously. It’s obviously where you’re going, it’s the only interesting thing left to do with the Wii-mote, and you’ll make a jillion dollars. Just do it. I won’t judge you. At least, I won’t judge you any worse than I have for approving Enjoy Your Massage.
About The Author
Robert Bricken is one of the original co-founders of the site formerly known as Topless Robot, and its first editor-in-chief, serving from 2008-12. He brought the site to prominence with “nerd news, humor and self-loathing” as its motto, raising it from total internet obscurity to a readership in the millions, with help from his savage “FAQ” movie reviews and Fan Fiction Fridays. Under his tenure Topless Robot was covered by Gawker, Wired, Defamer, New York magazine, ABC News, and others, and his articles have been praised by Roger Ebert, Avengers actor Clark Gregg, comedian and The Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax, and others. He is currently the managing editor of io9.com. Despite decades as both an amateur and professional nerd, he continues to be completely unprepared for either the zombie apocalypse or the robot uprising.