?Dear Topless Roboteers, I thank you very much for your kindness and patience regarding the last two weeks of shorter FFFs. Although this new entry might not have the most graphic of sexual content, I do feel that it is as grand as many of the best FFFs, and hope you will find it equally memorable. It’s a tale from TBoneTony (and suggested by Magicsgame) written from Princess Zelda’s point of view, and when a man calling himself TBoneTony tries to write from a female videogame character’s perspective, I think we’re all in for a treat.
Hi I’m Zelda, 20 year old Princess of Hyrule. Have you ever had the
experience of being swallowed by a snake? Well I had a scary intense
experience one night that almost took my life. But in a way, it was also
Oh. Did I mention that the author finds the idea of being swallowing by a snake incredibly erotic? I probably should’ve mentioned that. Oh well, away we go!
My heart beats every time I think about it. For a positive, it helped
me to get closer to Link and tell him about my true feelings for him.
I think it’s great that Zelda can see the positive side of being eaten by a snake. Most people would just focus on — on, well, the being eaten by a snake part.
Well here is the story.
It was a lovely night in the kingdom of Hyrule. A little too lovely for me actually. OK it was a HOT night.
Anyway on those hot nights, I always have trouble sleeping. I felt hot
under my royal blankets, sheets and even in my nightdress.
I felt so hot that my whole body was being tormented by a huge ball of
fire that would be around my body until I died from dehydration.
That’s pretty hot.
I felt that I needed to cool myself down so I took off my night dress from under my blankets.
I still felt hot so I took off my blankets only leaving a single sheet left to cover my naked body.
But I still felt hot so I took off my sheet and just laid there in my bead chambers.
It was no use, every time I have a hot night, I have trouble sleeping.
I then realised something that I could do, in order to sleep then I
needed to get so exhausted so that I could not get up even if I wanted
to. I then thought about my 19 year old boyfriend Link.
Actually, masturbation is a little-known cure for dehydration, since — I JUST GROSSED MYSELF OUT. CRAP.
After all these years Link and I had been friends and we both have got
along very well. But since a thew years ago I had developed feelings
towards him, but as a princess I could never be with him forever. I
never had admitted my feelings to him so he dose not know how I feel for
Anyway I decided that I should try something to get to sleep so I closed my eyes and the only thing on my mind was Link.
While my mind was drifting towards Link, my hands were slowly sliding up my body and my fingers softly touched my breasts.
“OH, Link.” I softly whispered his name through my lips.
I was starting to feel relaxed but I was still hot.
BECAUSE MASTURBATING DOES NOT AFFECT ROOM TEMPERATURE
I leaned up from my bed and walked over my sheets and blankets that were
all over my bedroom floor. The window was locked and I felt that I
needed fresh air so I used my left hand to unlock and open the windows
that were looking out to my private garden. My right hand stayed rubbing
my right breast to keep the stimulation there.
As I opened the windows, the cool air washed over my entire naked body.
“OH, this feels MUCH better now!” I gasped.
“Now I don’t need to get off at all! Well, good night, Hyrule!”
The sensations of the soft gentle wind surprised me as I rubbed both of
my nipples with both hands and slowly walked backwards to my bed
Wait — did Zelda’s left hand stop opening the window and move to her left boob? HOW WILL WE KNOW IF THE AUTHOR DOESN’T TELL US SPECIFICALLY WHICH HAND IS DOING WHAT AT ALL TIMES?!
I leaned back onto my bed and plopped onto it with my head facing the ceiling.
I used my right hand to quickly pull around my see though curtain around my bed so nobody can clearly see what I am doing.
That helps, thanks.
I positioned myself directly in the middle of my king size bed and continued to move my fingers around my breasts.
LEFT HAND OR RIGHT AAARRRRGGGH THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING ME
My nipples began to get hard as I slowly felt more aroused and
comfortable. The wind was blowing the curtains around my bed chamber
onto my skin and I was starting to breathe heavy from their touch.
“Oh my goddess, Link, ugh, ugh!” I panted as I was starting to imagine
Link all over my naked body, touching me and stroking my legs.
My fingers moved from my breasts down to my womanhood, I was touching my
blond curly hair where my private area was and slowly inserted two
fingers inside myself.
My eyes blinked open and shut many times as I continued to explore deep inside myself.
“Ugh, Link” I gasped as I imagined Link penetrating my barrier.
“Link’ll get those shields down, Admiral, he just needs more time!”
I never felt so alive before in my life.
And it was all because I was doing something that I had never done before.
My heart was racing off the limit and my breaths were erratic.
I was getting tired but I wanted to see and feel what would happen if I pushed myself all the way.
Then my eyes popped open and I let out a raw scream as my body went into a spasm and I had my very first orgasm.
“Ugh, ugh, so, that’s, what it feels, like.” I panted to myself
Boys and girls, please try yelling “Ugh” repeatedly at your next sexual encounter. Your partner will be aroused and confused, wondering if he/she is fucking some kind of caveman.
Then I felt another one coming so I continued going until I climaxed again.
“Ugh, oh no, not another one, UGH!” I breathed as more continued to whack my fragile body around.
I felt I was in heaven, totally free from my rules and morals as a princess.
As each orgasm hit me, the more I felt tired and wanted to stop but my fingers still kept on rubbing.
“UGH, HELP, UGH, CAN’T STOP! UGH!” I screamed pleading for it all to end.
And now “UGH” is a semi-appropriate response, although that doesn’t exactly explain why Zelda can’t stop fingerbanging herself.
Then from out of nowhere, my fingers forced themselves out of my womanhood.
“Somehow, I had magnetically charged both my fingers and my vagina, and the two repelled from each other.”
I then panted heavily as my body slowed down back to normal breathing rate.
Then I remembered the window, it was still open. My father always told
me to lock my windows at night but after climaxing so many times I felt
my body was too exhausted to move.
“Must, shut, window. Can’t, sleep, yet!” I said to myself as I tried to
resist the urge to rest but it was far too powerful to ignore.
“Ugh!” I added, for good measure.
My eyes closed as I gave up my struggle to get up and I rested my head on my bed. I’d just have to get up when I’m recover.
As I was sleeping, well I was not aware if it happened if I slept or if it happened when I had that barrage of climaxes.
Well somehow when my window was open, a huge snake slithered from outside in my garden into my room.
The next thing I knew of was that I felt sharp pains on my legs. I felt like my ankles were being tied with thorns.
I woke up and was taken by surprise as I saw a long tail of scales starting from my legs and ending on my bedroom floor.
I looked back at my legs and found a mouth that opened and closed it’s upper jaw just above my knee caps.
The pain shot through my body as I screamed.
“AGH, what is happening?” I shouted.
Really? Masturbating gets multiple “UGHs” but being eaten by a snake gets a single “AGH”? Zelda needs to seriously work on her exclamations.
Then as I looked closer at the jaws, I saw two eyes glowing dark yellow back at me.
Then I realised what was happening.
“Oh my goddess, I’m being eaten by a snake!” I gasped as the words snake escaped my lips.
My heart started beating faster as the snake moved it’s upper jaw back
and I felt like I was slowly moving down my bed to where the snake had
my legs on it’s mouth.
“NO, got to grab something” I shouted to myself.
Meanwhile, the snake’s wondering why his dinner has to speak its thoughts out loud.
I tried to grab the bars at the top of my bed chamber but the snake dragged me away from them.
I sat up and tried to move but the snakes enormous weight held my body to the bed.
I then tried to punch the snakes head but the head of the snake did not move as it continued to bite it’s fangs into my thighs.
I tried to kick my feet inside it’s body but my legs were already down
the snakes throat and the muscles were too strong that I could not move
them at all.
The snake continued to slide me back into its mouth.
My hands then shifted onto my womanhood as the snake opened its jaws again.
“Ugh!” I yelled. “Agh! Ugh-agh! I’m scared and aroused, but mostly confused Uagh!”
“Oh, no you don’t.” I shouted as I did not want the snake to put its tongue up inside me.
But the jaws went up and its head jumped to take me off balance. Then
the jaws clamped down all around me as I felt something hurting me
“OWW, my ….oooogghhhh.” I shouted as the snake threw me strait back onto my bed.
I tried to move my arms but I found that I could not.
I looked down and I gasped in horror as I saw the snake had trapped my arms inside its mouth.
“Ugh, can’t move. My arms are trapped” I shouted in pain.
Jesus, the snake thought. Has this bitch never heard of an interior monologue?
The snake had its jaws just under my belly and stabbed its fangs into my private areas.
I gasped for a breath, my mouth was dry and it hung open in shock.
I was panting heavy as fear overtook me. I did not know what to do.
This snake was trying to swallow me whole and there was nobody to help me.
Tears were forming in my eyes as the snake continued to dig it’s fangs
into my stomach. It was hurting me to either breathe in or out. As my
belly moved either up or down, the snake would apply more pressure onto
I struggled to move myself because the snake’s jaws had me pinned to my bed, on my back.
As the snake got a good hold on me, it started to slide my body deeper inside the snake’s throat.
As the snake was pulling my hips into its throat, I decided that the only one to save me from being swallowed alive was Link.
I decided to use my telepathic skills to try and reach him.
Look, Zelda is being eaten by a snake, and it’s about to get seriously funky. Don’t even let this phase you.
As I closed my eyes, I concentrated on the location of Link and not on
the pain of the snakes fangs, digging further into my skin.
Then when I had my mind clear enough, I used my power to cry out for help.
“Link, Link help me. I’m being swallowed alive. I can’t hold on. HELP
ME” I cried my message out in pain as I had images of the present.
Link was asleep in his bed inside his tree house but as soon I cried out
for help, he got up immediately and rushed outside his tree house from
“Link, I’m in my bedroom at the castle. Hurry!” I screamed.
Then I lost contact as the snake opened its jaws and once again closed them right on my breasts.
“Augh, oh no. Not my breasts.” I screamed in pain.
Anyone else envisioning Wicker Man-era Nic Cage playing Zelda in this scene?
The fangs dug into my nipples that send immense pain down my whole body.
My body began shake as fear overtook me again.
I leaned my head up and saw blood stains coming down my plump breasts.
The snake tightens its fangs onto my chest as I found it was hard to breathe. The jaws were crushing my body.
My eyes popped open as I felt something else.
As the snake continued to drag my body down, my belly was sliding down it’s throat now. I felt something around my lower area.
My fingers were inside me but I did not want them in there.
Who the hell is in charge of Zelda’s fingers, and why can’t that person keep them out of her vagina?
But the swallowing pressure of the snakes muscles made my fingers push
themselves inside me and suddenly the snake was moving my fingers inside
I’m no David Attenborough, but I have serious doubts that BEING EATEN BY A SNAKE MAKES YOU MASTURBATE.
My mouth gasped as I tried to force them out but with the muscles of the
snakes throat all around my lower body, my fingers had no where else to
go but to be inside my womanhood.
I gasped again as my fingers rubbed over my clit and the sensations I felt earlier began to build up inside me.
“No, not now, I, can’t, control it!” I panted as I felt the power of
lust wash over me, clouding my thoughts and halting my struggles to
“Oh, please stop, ugh, ugh.” I screamed.
…and we’re back to ughs.
But I could not stop myself.
My head faced the ceiling of my bedroom and the power of lust made me slowly closed my eyes again.
“No, ugh, can’t fall asleep, ugh, must, keep, ugh, open.” I struggled.
The snake continued to drag my body further down its throat.
I could not keep my eyes open so I quickly closed them to try and telepath Link again.
I saw visions of Link rushing though Hyrule castle town on his horse Epona.
“Help, Link.” I desperately called out to him. “I’m not sure, if I can hang, on much longer.”
I saw the desperation on his face.
“Although if you’re you’re really close, you should just wait a minute or two until the snake makes me bring myself to orgasm. Look, it’s kind of complicated. I’ll explain later.”
Then the image vanished as the snake lifted its jaws and struck my chin with its lips.
I tried to lean my head up but the snake’s jaws held me down.
The snakes fangs missed striking the edges of my neck at each side but
with them puncturing the bed mattress, I could only turn my head from
left to right.
I found it hard to breathe with the snake covering most of my body.
“Ugh, please, Link, ugh, come, soon, ugh!” I panted exhaustingly as I turned my head to the left and right.
My clit was thumping hard inside me from all the muscles and my fingers squashed around it.
Then as it was inevitable, the snake lifted its jaws and moved its head up.
“UGH, Link, Help” I cried as I felt like I was moving once more.
I slowly slid down and the jaws closed themselves around me.
Now I was inside the snakes mouth, the jaws were above my head and saliva matted my blonde hair flat.
The snake continued it’s torture as I felt the swallowing muscles pull my head towards the throat of the snake.
I closed my eyes once more to telepath Link for the last time.
The heart was thumping with fear and with lust but I tried to ignore
them both as I needed to stay calm to communicate with Link.
“HELP, ugh, Link, ugh, I’m going” I struggled to make a complete
sentence as the power of my insides tried to drown my efforts.
I was able to make out an image of Link running through my private garden until my will gave way.
“UGH, NO” I screamed as I felt an orgasm approaching and getting stronger. “Can’t, ugh, give, ugh NO, UGH!”
Stay tuned for more SEX-SNAKE, THE SNAKE THAT MAKES YOU ORGASM, next on the Syfy Channel
I screamed as I climaxed, this would knock me out and I felt another one
as my whole body was pressed harder by the swallowing pressure of the
“Ugh, Help, Ugh, Ugh, U..(gulp)” The throat muscles wrapped around my mouth to stop my cries for help.
I tried to move my head up so I could gasp one more breath but I was too tired.
I then sucked deep breaths into my nose until that was also shut by the throat muscles.
My eyes closed as they were sucked down and finally my head and my hair slipped inside the snake’s throat.
Now I could not take another breath as the muscles trapped any possible space to breathe in or out.
I felt my body slide off the bed as the snake was probably moving me down it’s stomach.
I tried to kick, punch, move inside but it was futile as the snake continued to swallow me.
It’s all in the mind, Zelda.
I cried as I felt my life pass though my eyes but my cries were muffled by the swallowing pressure of the snake.
I tried to stay calm in order to save the spare air left in my body, but
with the snake’s muscles moving all over my naked body, stimulating not
only my thighs but also my breasts that were squashed to my chest. My
nipples were hard and getting incredibly harder as they were caressed by
the muscles of the swallowing pressure.
WHAT THE FUCK IS THE DEAL WITH THE INSIDE OF THIS SNAKE. It’s obviously ribbed for her pleasure, at the very least. Slither on over to the next page when you’re ready.
My orgasms continued to hit my body and soul as the swallowing muscles moved my body in rhythmic fashion.
Then my body shook with pain and pleasure as my orgasms crushed my body about as hard as the snake’s muscles.
I tried to stop but I could not resist my primitive urges.
My mouth opened in bliss and shock took over my body.
Then my body stoped moving and my heart stopped beating.
I felt some hot acid of the digestive process start to burn my entire body skin as my mind went blank.
This is it, I was going to die.
“Ugh! I mean, Agh.”
As my mind was in darkness, I felt something rip above my hair, I felt something grab me under my armpits.
I imagined myself being lifted up to heaven by the arms of a goddess.
I began to cough and splatter all the slime from my mouth as I felt my naked body being washed by the sunlight.
“Zelda, Zelda, can you wake up?” I heard a voice, a voice I knew well.
Huh? Did she masturbate her heart back into action? Whatever.
I opened my eyes and I saw Link holding me in his arms. I thought that I
was dead until I felt the blankets on my bedroom floor touch my feet.
“Zelda, thank god you are alive.” Link cried as he hugged me.
My arms slowly came around his waist as I hugged him back. I was
starting to breathe faster as I began to remember what had happened to
“Link” I asked him. “How did you save me?”
I then looked at the side of my bed chamber to see a long muscle body of
the snake dripping in green blood staining the mattress. I saw the head
decapitated at the side.
“I saw your body slide down the snakes body” Link explained to me. “If I
had not cut off its head to get you out then you would have been gone
“Thank you Link, Thank you for saving my life tonight.” I cried in his arms as I was so thankful to still be alive.
This was probably the tenth time Link had ever saved my life and I was sure it would not be the last.
No, probably not, not if you’re too lazy to lock your damn window when Sex-Snakes are on the loose.
My sore arms slowly took Link’s cap off and I slowly lifted his green shirt of to feel the skin to skin contact with him.
“I love you Link.” I whispered into his ear.
“I love you too Zelda.” Link replied.
For that moment I felt so happy, I had finally confessed my love for Link and he felt the same in return.
I moved my arms around his neck as I deeply hugged my love of my life.
I’m skipping ahead a bit; basically, Zelda starts feeling bad and Link rubs some Red Potion Cream on her, and like everything else in this world, this makes Zelda aroused.
Link looked deep into my eyes and asked.
“Is there anything I can do for you Zelda?”
A grin came to my face as I asked him one final request.
“Yes Link. Can you make love to me?”
Link’s face glowed red as I responded.
“Well, if you love me and I love you, then I feel it is the right thing to do.” Link said.
I nodded in agreement as Link slowly undid his tights and for the first time in my life, I saw Link naked.
Link moved himself on top of me and I closed my eyes once more.
‘This is it’ I thought. ‘I’m finally going to make love with Link’
Link pressed his body against mine and I felt his manhood go inside me.
I gasped as I felt my barrier shatter inside me but my screams were muted by his loving kiss.
“The shield is down! Commence attack on the vagina’s main reactor!”
My tongue duelled with his tongue as Link started to move his body against mine.
“Oh Link” I murmured under his kiss.
My breasts were rubbing against his chest and I felt my swollen nipples touch his hard flat nipples.
The sensation flowed through my body. Never in my life had I felt so complete.
After a while, Link moved faster and faster on top of me.
Here we go!
I could feel something building up inside by body and it threaten to wash itself over me.
Link was rubbing my body hard and his chest began to squash my breasts.
I turned my head left to right as the sensation began to grow bigger, and larger inside me.
I felt like I was being swallowed again by the snake, only this time I
could feel Link’s body next to mine as he puffed and panted above me.
“Ugh, Link, ugh, Help” I gasped.
I could not control my emotions as I felt the snake swallowing us both.
“Hang on, ugh, Zelda, ugh, I’m coming.” Link struggled for breath above me.
I moved my hips up as I felt myself bounce.
“Link, ugh, it’s, ugh, the snake, UGH, swallowing, UGH, US!” I cried
painfully as I felt myself going over the edge. The traumatic memories
were coming back to me but I knew that Link was here to protect me from
the snake I imagined swallowing us.
Link stopped immediately. “I could get past the ‘Ughs,’ but did you seriously just say ‘the snake is swallowing us’? Lady, you are one spooky chick. I may never have an erection again.”
“Don’t worry, ugh, I love you, UGH, ZELDA!” Link shouted as he climaxed.
“I love you too!” I screamed in one breath as I climaxed too.
“I’m just glad to have helped bring you two kids together!” yelled the snake.
Link’s exhausted body fell on top of mine as we brought our heads together for one more passionate kiss.
“That was amazing!” I panted as we broke the kiss.
“To, me, you are, amazing.” replied Link.
As Link and I turned to the side and we both held our bodies together, one thing came though my mind.
“Link?” I asked him. “Did you just imagine what I thought you imagined when you made love to me?”
“No,” said Link, “because I’m not an insane person.”
“You, mean the snake?” asked Link in return.
“I had the same fantasy going in my head too.” I confessed.
I felt that I was weird for thinking like that, especially since I was swallowed by one. But this felt like it was safe.
“Hey, Zelda?” Link asked to my face. “When we make live again, I would
like it if you imagined that we were trapped in quicksand.”
I was surprised to hear Link say that. Fantasise about sinking in quicksand while having sex?
I thought that was weird, and threw him out of the palace so I could jerk off while thinking about being eaten by a snake again. “What a freak!” I said to myself. “Ugh, UGH”
I then thought about what I fantasised when we made love a minute ago. I
felt that if I could fantasise the sensations of being swallowed by a
snake while we made love then it should not be too uncomfortable to
fantasise about sinking into quicksand.
Yes, that seems reasonableeeeAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHH ?
I then felt my bed mattress getting softer and softer. I felt my whole
body becoming light and I felt my legs, hips and even my chest begin to
sink into the soft middle part of my bed.
“Maybe it is possible!” I said to Link as the feeling of slowly sinking into my bed became evident.
This was going to be the start of the best love making stage of my life as I slowly kissed Link on his lips.
And FFF finally has its first suffocation fetish story. Lest you worry that this is a fake or some kind of one kind deal, let me list some of TBoneTony’s other fan fics:
? Link and Zelda in Attack of the Quicksand Monster
? Link: The Truth About Quicksand
? Zelda and Malon in Quicksand Fighting Over Link
? Peach and Daisy, Quicksand Princesses, an SMB fic
? Motherf-in Snakes in Motherf-in Quicksand Galaxy, a Super Mario Galaxy fic
And there’s more, but you get the point. Here’s what get’s me: I laughed as hard as anyone at the premise of Legend of Neil, where a dude auto-erotically asphyxiates himself with a Nintendo controller while masturbating to the fairy in LoZ. But to TBoneTony, this is not comedy — it was either a brilliant idea, or seriously old news. “What? I’ve been choking myself with an NES controller since the first Super Mario Bros! Get with the times, Legend of Neil. UGH UGH UGH UGH –“