Daily Lists, Miscellaneous

11 Heroes Nerd Girls Want to Date… and Why They Shouldn’t

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?Though the river of sci-fi and comic books is choked with eye-candy for men, there are also a few tributaries of hunks for the ladies. The heroes of comics, science fiction, TV series, movies and more can inspire the same romantic longing/burning lust in nerd girls that their buxom female counterparts inspire in nerd boys.

But while most nerd boys pretty much only want to bone these heroines, many nerd girls would like to have a relationship with male heroes (which might also involve boning them, of course). Unfortunately, despite how awesome these heroes might be in the heroics department, chances are they probably wouldn’t be good dates. Really! This isn’t just one nerdy overweight guy trying to put down a bunch of hunky guys out of insane jealousy, this… you know, never mind. Let’s examine why you should realistically not want to date these 11 nerdy leading men.


11) Sam Flynn

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?He’s cute, athletic, has that “bad boy” thing going for him, rides a motorcycle…so what’s not to want about this guy? Well, he obviously has spent some time fiddling around UNIX systems so he runs the risk of falling into hardcore nerddom. You can see him gradually growing his hair out, sporting a beard, not washing either, and getting into online debates as to whether the Star Trek movie was a good reworking of a classic series, or an abomination against God and all that is holy.


10) Mad Max


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?Well, okay, let’s just ignore he looks like Mel Gibson. His character already has a huge amount of baggage. Bikers kill his wife and daughter. He kills the bikers. He then he tends to help out strangers who abandon him. Also, Tina Turner tends to want him… maybe dead. Or alive. Either way, it’s no good.


9) Lee “Apollo” Adama


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?Yes, he’s got a body that won’t quit and looks good in a futuristic uniform but he’s got father issues you can drive a Battlestar through. Almost literally. Also, when he does drive a Battlestar, he gets fat. It’s like somehow the Pegasus was the one Battlestar with Let’s just leave crazy guy to his crazy issues, okay?


8) Riddick


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Oh man, does he have quite the body, can you understand what he’s saying? It’s a voice that is sort of like Sylvester Stallone on klonopin. He also has really shiny eyes and can use those eyes to see in the dark, which is just a tad bit unsettling. Also, he can kill people with a teacup, which is very unsettling for any one. That and talking about his life is really difficult to talk about, because it’s like a terrible movie that doesn’t end.


7) Batman


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?Yes, Bruce Wayne is hot. You may even like him better when he is wearing the Batman outfit. However, getting killed by the Joker is pretty much what you have to look forward to. You see, the Joker is pretty much jealous of anyone that gets closer to Batman than he does as he and Batman obviously have some sort of underlying homoeroticism going on. In fact, if you aren’t getting killed by the Joker, then you are probably going to walk in on Batman and the Joker going at it like a fat man on donuts. At that point, you may wish you were, in fact, dead.

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6) James T. Kirk


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?Well, okay, this should be a no-brainer. The only reason you would want to sleep with Captain Kirk is if in the 25th Century they had cured all known STDs, because Kirk gets around more than Internet memes. He not only sleeps with human women, but alien women as well. It’s really a surprise he can even sit down in that Captain’s chair or wear those tight pants.


5) The Doctor


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?Did you ever notice he wears the same clothes all the time and you never see him shower? Also, look what happens to the fine young ladies by changing his appearance and taking off to anywhere in time and space, so just try to get a paternity test done with this guy. I’m not sure if I need to mention anything more.


4) Spider-Man


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?He’s not only got that geek chic going on, but he has the strength and agility of a superhero. So, what’s not to love? The uncanny ability to have girlfriends die, like Gwen Stacy did falling off a bridge, for one. Or the uncanny ability of him to finally get the girl and then have all memory of their relationship erased like some sort of stupid idea from a publisher. So, your relationship can likely end in forgetting about it completely, or death. Maybe you should just increase your odds of not being killed by 100% and forget about Peter, really.


3) Malcolm Reynolds


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?Yes, he’s dashing and wears a nice coat. It’s because he’s a cowboy and a war veteran. He’s also in love with an escort. So its like he is every country music song rolled into one, which is bad. Also he has hanging around him a top-secret crazy girl that the government horribly modified into killing machine with erratic emotions. Most importantly he’s a product of Joss Whedon, which means that any time anyone gets truly happy, they die.


2) Han Solo


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?Han Solo looks like Harrison Ford and can wear a vest without making it look gay, but beyond his good looks he has a gambling problem. Yes, of course he did win the Millenium Falcon while gambling, so that’s a plus, but he uses the ship for smuggling which is a minus. Especially since he often smuggles to pay off mobsters. trouble Mobsters who have a habit of enslaving women. Women who fall in love with him. So… probably not the best to date.


1) Superman


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?Lets ignore the obvious argument for not dating him – that you can’t have sex with him as he’ll break you in half. There’s a pretty good reason for not dating him, and that is he’s an alien. Really, when he is done flying you to the top of the world, what do you really talk about? What movies he likes? Things he likes about his work? “Oh, you know, stopping the tidal wave with my super breath is neat, but then using the ice to make sno-cones for the children, that’s what makes it all worth it.” You can’t possibly relate to anything that Superman does. He’s so unique and so alien that you wouldn’t find common ground and even if he doesn’t break you in half with his sex and he can somehow give you super orgasms, you may find yourself getting older with a man who can’t grow old and doesn’t know what it’s like to just be angry, sullen and bitter…the stuff of humanity!