?Before Character Options’ started their line of Doctor Who toy line a few years back, fans of the long-running British series had to settle for Dapol’s crappy action figures if they wanted to have their own adventures in time and space. Distributed in the States by Underground Toys, these releases have given Whovians an incredible array of characters from both the classic era of the series and Nu-Who (although as this look at The 10 Least Necessary Doctor Who Figures points out, not every one of these figures has been a winner). Fortunately, more often than not these toys have been terrific for kids and collectors alike. The recent release of a gift set featuring all eleven Doctors silenced naysayer’s who felt that not enough love was being given to the show’s original run. Still, there are plenty of other Doctor Who characters who merit their own plastic doppelgangers. With that in mind, today’s Daily List sorted through hundred of potential candidates to come up with the characters who most desperately deserve their own toys. In the interest of fairness, the entire run of the series so far was considered — along with some fun yet canonically dubious offshoots. From numerous busty companions to penis-headed villains and beyond, here’s 20 folks from Who’s decade-spanning journey through the stars who deserve their own action figures. Geronimo!
20) The Doctor with Fez
Why? Because fezzes are cool. Duh. Actually, seeing how much Character Options loves to release new versions of the Doctor, this isn’t too far of a stretch. So keep those fingers crossed, Shriners!
19) Susan Foreman
Susan Foreman was the first companion featured on the show and she’s also the Doc’s granddaughter. Don’t go looking for any nepotism here though; she’s a long shot to get made at this point (character Options tends to focus on monsters and aliens, toys that obviously have more appeal to kids). If justice suddenly prevails in the universe and this toy does get produced, it would ideally come in a three-pack with the First Doctor’s other early companions, Barbara Wright and Ian Chesterton.
18) Peri Brown
Nicola Bryant portrayed Perpugilliam “Peri” Brown on Doctor Who and is best remembered for three things — a dodgy American accent and two specific parts of her anatomy. Yes, Peri’s breasts were a, um, huge draw for audiences who tuned in between 1984 and 1986. Unfortunately as a character she wasn’t particularly compelling. Not that it matters to the lonely fans desperate to have little plastic replicas of her boobs in their toy collections.
17) The Valeyard
Doctor Who wasn’t immune to the whole evil double trope, thus the Valeyard. This sinister version of the Doctor from the future caused the Sixth Doctor a heap of trouble during the “Trial of a Time Lord” serial. Due to a miscalculation by someone in the costume department, he did so looking like a refugee from Studio 54 (though to be fair, it is hard to be menacing while wearing a swim cap). Since Steven Moffat took over the show, it has been endlessly rumored that the Valeyard is the mysterious figure behind the “silence will fall” plot point that ran throughout season five. This seems feasible due to Moffat’s love for all things classic Who, so stay tuned.
16) Harriet Jones
The Doctor completely fucked over Harriet Jones. She provoked his rage when she blew the Sycorax ship out of the sky in “The Christmas Invasion” even though her intentions — to protect the Earth at all costs since he can’t always be around to save mankind — were noble. But Ten was too busy trying to get some Rose loving to see things from her point of view. He had Harriet booted from office with his cocky four-word speech. Of course this lapse in judgment in turn opened the door for Harold Saxon (aka The Master) to take control of Britain, then the world, in that lame two-parter with the CGI shrunken Doctor nonsense. After that mess was cleared up in the most messianic way possible, she was proven right in “The Stolen Earth” when the Daleks showed up and caused havoc across the globe while the Time Lord wasn’t around, exactly as she predicted. Ultimately she sacrificed herself in order to help mankind — and the meddling alien who caused her so much grief. Suffering one final indignity, she was mocked by the Daleks then exterminated. Harriet Jones, you constantly introduced yourself and we still hardly knew ye.
15) Wilfred Mott
Donna Noble was a polarizing character amongst Whovians who were either charmed or irritated by her shrewish persona. The same isn’t true for her universally loved granddad Wilfred Mott. As played by Bernard Cribbins (who also co-starred in the campy Daleks Invasion Earth: 2150 AD film), Mott was a kindly spirit who dreamt of life in the stars. His desire to learn more about the universe was realized when he met the Tenth Doctor. As fate would have it, Mott’s life was revealed to be entangled with the last Gallifreyan for reasons that became tragically evident in “The End of Time, Part II.” Poor guy. Meanwhile, the pointless Dr. Constantine figure from “The Empty Child” is proof that Character Options has no problem making toys based on old men. So Wilf isn’t out of the realm of possibility.
14) Sally Sparrow
A few years after appearing in the fan favorite episode “Blink,” Carey Mulligan is the new it girl. Who could’ve guessed? Mulligan’s newfound Hollywood clout probably rules out a return appearance for Sally Sparrow. The upshot is that her high profile might yet yield some toy results. Now that we have that sorted out, can someone explain why she is singing on the new Belle & Sebastian album?
13) The Rani
Simply put, the Rani was evil Time Lady who was a right pain in the ass for the Doctor. (The phrase “intergalactic bitch” comes to mind). Like the aforementioned Valeyard, she has been frequently rumored to be making an impending return to the series. Nu-Who has creatively exhausted the whole only one surviving Time Lord thing, so bringing back the Rani would be welcome indeed. As for any potential Rani figure, the biggest obstacle to its production would be settling one which of the character’s space blouses to immortalize in plastic.
12) The Kandyman
Who can look ridiculous, incredibly stupid too? The Kandyman can! Even though the character is lame, his eye-catching design is downright toyetic and would be appealing to kids who have a fondness for colorful robots and/or candy. Moffat should convince Character Options to produce a Kandyman toy so he can keep it on his desk as a cautionary tale to not ever let his villains become as goofy. Wait, the Smilers you say? Shit.
Ace is a pyromaniac yet there’s not one fan video that features footage of her accompanied by The Prodigy’s “Firestarter” on YouTube. This is even more disheartening than the character’s inexcusable lack of action figure representation.
10) Jo Grant
Jo Grant (Katy Manning) was the Third Doctor’s spunky and scatterbrained companion. The character recently resurfaced in the “Death of the Doctor” two-parter of The Sarah Jane Adventures that also co-starred Matt Smith, so we could get a figure of her in that show’s toy line. That’s not quite good enough. Fondly remembered by fans of Pertwee-era Who, Manning caused a bit of controversy in 1978 when she posed naked with a Dalek in the British magazine Girl Illustrated (the NSFW pictures are just a Google search away, or you can click on this family friendly Lego recreation of one of the photos here). If and when a vintage Grant figure is released, it won’t take long for customizers to recreate these saucy pics with it and a Dalek toy. It’s a sad and beautiful world.
You’ve got Sheena in my Doctor Who! You’ve got Doctor Who in my Sheena! Sci-fi’s other Leela is this savage she beast (played by actress Louise Jameson) whose skin-baring outfits played an integral part in the puberties of Brits growing up in the 1970s. I’m too lazy to check, but there’s bound to be fan fiction where the Futurama and Doctor Who Leelas get involved in sexcapades somewhere online. Hell, probably on this very website. Hi Rob!
8) Peter Cushing as the Doctor
Dr. Who and the Daleks and Daleks Invasion Earth: 2150 AD are to Doctor Who what the Japanese Spider-Man TV series is to the webslinger: non-canonical curiosities that are a lot of fun to watch. Both of the films are cheesy and more geared to kids than the show ever was. That’s hardly a bad thing. Cushing’s Doctor was a kindly, absent-minded inventor who views the fantastical events around him with a childlike wonder. Even when the movies drag, his performance still manages to captivate because of the excitement he lets the character emote. When Character Options released their recent set of all eleven TV Doctors, they missed a golden opportunity to really do some fan service by throwing in Cushing’s Doc as a bonus. Given the legal hurdles that would likely have to be overcome to make this figure a reality, this is understandable. Sadly, this one will likely remain on your wish list indefinitely.
7) The Brigadier
As much as I loathe using it, the word “bromance” springs to mind when I think about the relationship between the Doctor and Brigadier Alastair Gordon Lethbridge-Stewart. The UNIT commander was a regular fixture during the series’ original run, earning the Doctor’s respect and friendship along the way. Although he was occasionally namedropped by Tennant’s Doc and featured in an episode of The Sarah Jane Adventures, the Brigadier hasn’t appeared on the current incarnation of Who. Were he to meet up with the Eleventh Doctor, it would provide another link back to the show’s past. And you know who loves reveling in the series’ history? Why Steven Moffat does! Hmm…
6) The Curse of Fatal Death Doctors
The Comic Relief charity special Doctor Who and the Curse of Fatal Death gave Steven Moffat — in his first Doctor Who writing gig– the chance to slaughter the series’ sacred cows. During the 20-minute segment, Moffat risks the ire of fans by burning through four of the Doctor’s regenerations and changing the Time Lord’s sex in an adventure that is funny and also true to the ethos of the series. Amazingly enough, he also found time to breathe new life into stagnant Dalek jokes. The success of the special proved that there was still a demand for new Who. It may have taken nearly six years for the show to come back full-time, but the seeds for its revival were planted right here. Since The Curse of Fatal Death began as a charity project, it would be fitting to release a box set featuring figures of all of the special’s Doctors (Rowan Atkinson, Richard E. Grant, Jim Broadbent, Hugh Grant, and Joanna Lumley) as well as all Sawalha’s companion Emma and Jonathan Pryce’s take on The Master. The proceeds could go to Comic Relief, which would please nerds and do some good at the same time.
5) The Yeti
After seeing the new Fisher Price Bigfoot toy recently, it struck me just how much the world needs more playthings based on the legends of cryptozoology. If the reports that the Yeti are returning to Doctor Who in the upcoming Christmas episode are true, I may very well get my wish.
Fact: There is nothing classier than an alien wearing an ascot.
When Topless Robot gets around to making the inevitable “10 Most Shocking Moments from Doctor Who” Daily List, it’s a safe bet that Adric’s death will rank somewhere near the top. One of the youngest companions ever to step foot in the Tardis, Adric was a genius whose unparalleled knowledge was his greatest asset to the Doctor (basically he was a slightly less annoying Wesley Crusher). In a nice bit of continuity, Adric’s name was the Fifth Doctor’s final word uttered before his regeneration — showing how much of an impact the character’s death truly had. His demise attempted to prove that the series wasn’t afraid to kill off characters in the name of creating drama, the type of ballsy risk I wish Doctor Who would take more often. For those of you who loathed Adric and want to deny him his own figure, think of the poetic justice that could come from feeding it to a Jurassic Park T-Rex toy.
If H.R. Giger’s Alien designs weren’t phallic enough for you, meet these plantlike humanoids from “Terror of the Vervoids.” They only appeared on Doctor Who once, which could be due to their inherent lameless but is more likely because the BBC realized that cock monsters were running around on their flagship kids show.
1) Romana II
A puckish Time Lady, the second incarnation of Romana was truly the Doctor’s equal. Smart, strong, sexy and always a step ahead, she eyefucked the Fourth Doctor across the far reaches of space and back again. As has been well documented, Lalla Ward and Tom Baker were an item at the time of their Who run, and the chemistry between the pair has yet to be matched (although Matt Smith and Karen Gillan are a close second). Romana II also topped TR’s list of the Hottest Doctor Who Companions, illustrating how much of an impact the character continues to have upon viewers. All that, and she can pitch the shit out of a Prime Computer too. Plus, your Tom Baker figure is totally going to need someone to bang.