Cartoons, Nerdery

Fan Fiction Friday: Lightning McQueen in “Rite of Passage”

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?It’s been more than two years since I featured an erotic fan fic starring the cars of… well, Cars. As a fan fic subject, Cars absolutely freaks me the fuck out. I mean, sure, the Transformers are vehicles, but only part of the time, and as far as I’ve found, they only fuck and rape and pee on each other in their humanoid forms. But Cars

They’re fucking cars with tongues, man. At least furries like to have sex with things with a pulse. Anyways, this fic was written by the duo of RAVen and DaVonDutch, and sent to me my Tara M. So. Uh… start your engines, I guess?

Lightning rolled into one of the dusk-lit cargo areas of the Piston Cup.
His mind flashed back again to several different times these past few
days that he’s seen Chick talking to someone unseen in Chick’s garage.
Curious, McQueen decided to investigate to find out just who Chick was
dealing with back here, suspicious that the green racecar was up to
something…questionable.

Even with the race only a day away, the room was void of life, almost
abandoned. The air was as dry as his mouth. He saw a few stacks of boxes
piled up, shielding off a part of the garage. He didn’t want to get
caught and took his time going around the stacks. It was too dark to
make anything out at first, but as he moved further past the boxes, his
eyes adjusted. The space back here was larger then he expected and
McQueen looked around to see if there were any signs of someone else’s
presence.

He felt something move by his left back tire but when he glanced back,
nothing was there. He shrugged and moved further into the darkness. He
peered into the darkness… nothing. He felt a brush of air against him.
Hadn’t he closed the door on his way in? It felt like something was
looming over him. He reversed from where he thought he came from but ran
into some boxes. He made a slight jump into the air and let out a
girlish yelp which he hoped no one had heard, especially not Chick.
McQueen calmed his breathing and shook off the few boxes lying on top of
him. He made to move forward but something was tangled around his front
axle. He tried shaking it off and then froze as whatever it was began
moving.

Oh, I’m sorry. Did you think this was about Car-on-Car sex? My apologies. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you CARS: THE TENTACLE PORN.


I’m sure most of you know/remember that Lightning McQueen is the racecar voiced by Owen Wilson, but Chick, who appears in the next paragraph is the older green stockcar voiced by Michael Keaton. Just so you know what they should sound like. And mostly so you have to imagine Owen Wilson as being involved in this insanity.

What the-? he thought when he felt more movement around his tires. Fear
clenched at his engine as his mind rapidly tried to understand what was
happening. Something moved along his undercarriage. He would have jumped
up and make a run for it, but he couldn’t rotate his tires, his
drive-axle kept still by whatever was under him. A cold sweat broke out
and he wanted to yell when suddenly he heard Chick Hick’s voice just
outside. Lightning’s oil raced in fear. Something was holding him tight
and Chick was about to find him.

He heard the racecar’s voice from outside, “Harvey? You in there?”

Lightning didn’t make a sound, but was very aware of the fact that,
whatever was holding him, was still moving. He felt it coiling around
him like a snake and he heard his engine make a panicked squeal. His
eyes darted out to Chick’s form. There was no way that he hadn’t been
heard.

If at any point in the last few paragraphs the word “dianoga” occur ed to you, congratulations,  you are a huge fucking nerd.

Hicks tittered and closed the door “Have fun!”.

Confused Lightning decided this was no longer the time to keep silent.
He opened his mouth when from under him something slid inside, grabbing
his tongue. His mind froze this time, trying to understand what was
happening. It didn’t help any when a part of whatever held his body slid
over the front of his hood. What appeared to be the head of this, well,
he couldn’t call it a snake…tentacle? His body shuddered. Whatever it
was, it certainly had a mind of its own and was doing what it pleased.
Which at this time consisted of holding him quiet and still as the
remainder of its body continued its exploration.


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?I’d love to be making some clever comments, but the stark reality that CARS TENTACLE PORN exists has rendered me unable to complete the most basic thoughts. I also may have peed myself in confusion and fear.

His eyes widened when he felt the tentacle drag itself along his drive
shaft. Oh boy, what exactly was this thing up to?! He shifted his tires,
trying to move. His heart skipped a beat and his breath stopped when
its intentions became clear. It pressed against his rear. His blood
started pumping, he was ready to flee, but ironically it rushed to where
the action was.

I haven’t seen Cars, but I going to assume there’s no precedent for any kind of tentacled creature hanging out in the garage, right? God, I hope the answer is yes.

He gasped when the tentacle began to gently coil around his growing
shaft. This was so not happening! But it was and Lightning found himself
nearly ready to give himself over to this creature. The tentacle seemed
to know this as the end of it {which end, McQueen wasn’t sure} began to
slowly press into him. The absurdly clear thought came to his mind that
this thing must self-lubricate for it to be pushing inside so easily.
He tried tightening his muscles, to keep the thing out but it seemed to
mind the pressure and continued its progress. He wanted to be found but
not like this.


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?The absurdly clear thought comes to my mind that this tentacle creature must the pervert of the tentacle creature world. Most tentacle creatures are busy fucking Japanese schoolgirls and things, and this poor bastard has to hide his car fetish, less the other tentacle monsters find out and be disgusted. “Hey, Bill. Rape any schoolgirls this weekend?” “Y-y-you know it, Steve! L-lots!” “Hey… what’s all that motor oil at the end of your tentacles?” “N-nothing! It’s nothing!” /runs off to wash up

He tried to keep quiet and tried hard to push out what was easing its
way into him. But to no avail and even worse it seemed to want more
space. It wriggled about inside of him, stretching him against his will.
His engine whimpered. The one thing that was certain in Lightning’s
mind was this was not the first time this thing had done this. Just by
how it knew his sensitive spots and knew where it make his oil run
hotter. Like right now, how it coiled around his shaft and rhythmically
squeezed it, rotating some at the head.

This is going to make Lightning McQueen’s eventual sale very awkward. “Used racecar. Still in good condition. Slightly raped. No new car smell.”

His engine revved louder than he’d liked as the portion of the tentacle
inside of him touched ~something~ that made him see stars. The creature
froze and Lightning thought for a moment that maybe it would stop and
leave him be. But to avail, as the tentacle surged into him even
further, leaving just enough to continue caressing his shaft. What was
in him now also seemed to be growing and Lightening grimaced at how loud
he was panting. He shuddered with ecstasy, and to his dismay his rear
section went weak at the continued stimulation, sending out an
invitation to the creature that was all over him. But it didn’t use his
loss of control, just the opposite. It released his tongue and coiled
around his drive-axle. He wondered what it was doing because he couldn’t
see it anymore. His breath was taken away again when it continued
deeper into him and seemed to wail about, knowing just how far and where
to stretch him. The creature had apparently let go of him because it
knew he couldn’t protest anymore.


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?Again, sorry for the lack of riffs in this one. I’m just so fucking boggled at what would have to go wrong in your life that you would be sexually attracted not just to cartoon cars, but to cartoon cars getting raped by a tentacle monster. Like, you’d have to get hit by a car driven by an octopus and then orgasm from the impact or something, right? And to be honest, that just doesn’t sound like it happens all that often.

His tires twitched and his muscles contracted randomly and involuntarily
from the waves of pleasure that shot through his frame. He was loud,
very loud, like a racecar revving at that starting line. Light suddenly
blinded him as the garage door swung open and bright headlights flooded
into the darkness. Lightning squeezed his eyes shut and both he and the
tentacle froze at the sound of Doc’s voice.

“Rookie? What in blue blazes are you doing in here?”

Doc was voiced by Paul Newman. This hurts me. 

Lightning didn’t dare respond, not trusting his voice – even still, the
pressure that the tentacle was putting on him still had his oil racing.
Doc dimmed his lights and pulled into the garage and the rookie wondered
just how disheveled he looked.

“It’s not what it looks like!”
“It looks like you’re getting fucked by tentacle monster.”
“Then I rescind my previous statement.”

He was surprised though, when the older racecar began to chuckle, “I see you’ve met Harvey.”

So I looked up “Harvey” on Wikipedia, and it turns out “Harv” is McQueen’s unseen agent voiced by Jeremy Piven. Although Jeremy Piven does seem to be a slimy monster, I’m pretty sure Harvey here isn’t supposed to be the same character, as it wouldn’t make sense for McQueen to not know him, or for him to be hanging out in a barn. Waiting to fuck cars.

Awkward didn’t cover the situation for Lightning. His eyes grew wide in
shock when he felt the sight of his mentor was not entirely unwelcome to
him in his current condition. Somehow Harvey had noticed this and
continued its ministrations making Lightning pant hard while his eyes
were transfixed on Doc.

Doc intended to actually leave Lightning to finish with Harvey, knowing
how awkward Lightning might be feeling right now. But hearing the rookie
panting and seeing his eyes glazing over in pleasure, he began thinking
otherwise. Finally, he made his decision and closed the garage door
while still inside.

Paul. Newman.

Lightning’s voice, heavy with arousal, questioned him, “Doc? Wh- *gasp* What are you doing?”

Doc didn’t answer right away, simply caressed his side before finally
saying, “The best part is when it goes completely inside of you and
fills you completely.” The older care shivered as long ago memories came
flooding back. Oh yes, Lightning was in for a treat.

Caressed his side with what?

Lightning felt a tingling sensation course through him. It was as if he
was in a hospital and he was told he would die in agony while being
comforted by Doc’s caressing. “B… but,” his engine whimpered as he was
stretched even more, “Not possible”.

Doc nuzzled him. “It teaches your body to accommodate it” and under his breath he added, “it makes you accommodate it”.


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?Seriously, I like to think that most tentacle monsters would read this and say, “This shit is twisted, man.”

Lightning couldn’t think straight, did his mentor nuzzle him? * GASP *
the creature released his axle more and more and was making its way
further inside of him. Unable to focus he thought he could make out a
slightly concerned look on Doc’s face.

Doc made his way to the back of Lightning, “Be careful with him Harvey,
he still has a race to run tomorrow.” What he saw though shot sparks of
lust straight to his drive shaft. He could see the tentacle slowly
entering Lightning, pulsating with energy.

As awful as this story is, the fact that I have no idea what Harvey is — animal? mineral? alien? something else? — is driving me fucking crazy.

Lightning gasped again as Harvey suddenly released its hold on his
shaft; it moved across towards Doc and began caressing him. Doc took
Harvey in his mouth and sucked gently on it.


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?WHY WHY WHY WHY

His engine purred while Lightning wondered what Doc was doing back
there, “Doc?” he asked between gasps. The Hornet drove back to
Lightning’s front and looked him in the eyes.

“Ahh, yes,” he said apparently answering a question he had posed
himself. He pressed his lips against Lightning’s. The rookie was
uncertain how to respond, but didn’t have time to think as already Doc
slipped his experienced tongue into his mouth. How could this be? Yet it
felt like a weight had been lifted. Lustfully Lightning let himself be
taken into the kiss while Harvey pulsated rhythmically inside of him.


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?OH GOD

Their kiss was broken up by Harvey wriggling its way between their lips,
Doc rolled back giggling, “Ok ok Harvey.” And he turned around, his
rear facing the rookie.

Lightning didn’t know what was happening, roused as he was he enjoyed
the sight of his mentor’s rear, which was now even lifting itself up.
From under him he saw the green tentacle make its way toward Doc. He
rolled forward wanting to feel his mentor’s warmth near him. Doc felt
both the prodding touch of Harvey and the heat of Lightning’s breath on
him. His body shuddered at the dueling sensations. The rookie watched,
amazed how Harvey pushed into Doc and began to grow, stretching him. Doc
gasped and the sound went straight to Lightning’s shaft.


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?WHAT IS HAPPENING

He was so hard right now that, despite Harvey’s continued actions inside
him, his body begged for some kind of relief. He remained fixated on
Doc’s entrance and an idea began brewing in his mind. Lightning edged
even closer towards the Hornet. He could almost taste his mentor’s
arousal. Boldly he lifted himself up onto Hudson. A shock of pleasure
went through him that he actually did this, mounting his own mentor.

Doc gasped, “Don’t stop” and he went through his front axels and lifted
his rear even further, allowing the rookie better access. Without
thinking and instinctively Lightning continued on doing what he thought
was impossible, unheard of.

He entered Doc, his member guided by Harvey. When he pushed into him,
Doc whimpered with joy while he was being stretched by both the rookie
and Harvey. Lightning gasped as a silky tightness gripped his shaft. It
was nearly painful, as Doc’s muscles squeezed tightly around him before
loosening and letting him in even further. He could feel himself moving
past Harvey now as he pushed deeper and deeper inside of Doc. His front
tires tightened around Doc’s sides in an effort for more grip. Doc
gasped and panted as he felt himself being filled like he hadn’t been
filled in years. He barely felt Harvey slip out of him and wondered
briefly where the tentacle was off to.


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?WHY WOULD A LOVING AND JUST GOD ALLOW THIS TO BE WRITTEN

It didn’t take long to figure out as Lightning suddenly gasped sharply
and froze. Harvey had pushed completely into Lightning, leaving none of
its body exposed. It had to double back on itself to fit, stretching
Lightning’s walls even further. Lightning felt like he couldn’t take
Harvey at first, and as Harvey was double backing into Lightning, the
rookie shot forward and further into Doc as if trying to get away from
it. Doc gasped, not expecting Lightning to go this far so quickly. He
didn’t mind and happily bucked himself into Lightning knowing how to
edge him on.


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?I — I CAN’T DO IT FAN FIC IS WINNING

Lightning nearly blacked out from the arousal. He dug his tires into Doc
and rocked back and forth. His engine revved loudly and whimpered. The
powerful engine of the Hornet chimed in with his own and the heat they
generated was almost unbearable, but sent him to new heights. He roared
his mentor’s name, thrusting deep inside of him, as he came. But it
quickly turned into a whimper as Harvey made itself larger inside of
him, wriggling about and sending him over… again.


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?

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?

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?

Doc was panting hard now, jolts of pleasure jarring his system each time
Lightning thrust into him. He groaned a low sound when he felt the
shaft inside him pulsating and filling him with its seed. His engine
revved in high arousal when he heard Lightning whimper and felt himself
being filled even further. Harvey’s learned some new tricks, it seemed.

Lightning’s over sensitized shaft was still twitching and he had to pull
out of Doc as it was nearly painful. But Harvey wasn’t done with him
yet as it continued shrinking and growing, rubbing him in just the right
spot that kept his shaft still throbbing. Lightning was back on the
ground and he went low on his front tires from exhaustion.

Doc turned to face him and nuzzled the rookie, “You’re sure you haven’t done this before?” and he winked.

“Well, Doc, I’m pretty sure I would remember if I’D HAD GAY CAR SEX WHILE BEING RAPED BY A FUCKING TENTACLE MONSTER BEFORE, SO YEAH, I’M GONNA SAY THIS IS MY FIRST TIME.”

Lightning panted hard, still at a loss for words. Doc went to
Lightning’s rear and pressed his bumper against it, slowly breathing in
and out, letting his breath brush against it.

“Wh… what are you up to?” Lightning panted.

His mentor’s warmth against his rear felt good, so good that he
instinctively raised it. The Hornet didn’t need another invitation and
he mounted the rookie. Lightning felt Harvey stir inside of him and part
of it slipped out to envelop Doc’s member and ease Hudson into
Lightning. Already stretched, Lightning gasped hard with the addition.
His undercarriage shuddered as Harvey was frantically moving inside of
him helping Doc further inside so that he could accommodate BOTH! The
sensations that Lightning was feeling were beyond anything he’d felt
before.


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?DOUBLE

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?CAR

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?TENTACLE

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?PENETRATION

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?

It did hurt, at first, but the feeling quickly gave over to absolute
pleasure. The frantic movements of Harvey, joined with the steady and
sure movements of Doc had him near the edge again! Doc was nearly
overwhelmed as well. His experiences with Harvey had never been like
this! Feeling Lightning tight around him while Harvey continued moving
was a highly arousing feeling.

Doc feared for a moment that he could very well pass out from the amount
of pleasure he was feeling. But he decided that it might not be such a
bad thing. Doc slipped completely into Lightning who now felt a bulge in
his belly bump repeatedly against his member as his mentor rocked back
and forth into him. Lightning gasped and panted, his engine now steadily
whimpering at the overwhelming sensations that were sending him over
again and again, until Doc finally came himself, thrusting deep inside
of him.

Please imagine the head exploding pic running in a loop for infinitely. This is what this story has done to me. I am defeated.

Doc groaned out Lightning’s name as his shaft twitched and pulsated deep
within the rookie. His entire body shuddered as Harvey continued moving
around his shaft, drawing out the orgasm for as long as possible. Doc,
still panting, thrust into Lightning, until at last he was truly spent
and pulled slowly out of the warm embrace. Both cars rested side by
side, trying to catch their breath. Both occasionally shivering as
aftershocks still rocked their bodies. Lightning finally sighed and he
leaned into Doc’s side.

Doc raised an eyebrow, “You ok McQueen?”

“Oh sure, never been better…just,” and he gave a soft, tired gasp, “How do you make it come out?”

Doc laughed, “You don’t, you have to wait until he finally gets bored with you.”

“What?! But I have a race tomorrow!”

Doc just shrugged and patted him with his tire, “I know exactly how you feel, same thing happened to me.”

Lightning gave an exasperated sigh and leaned into Doc again, “It’s gonna be a long race.”

It’s going to be a long lifetime of tears, depression and alcohol abuse, because this is truly one of the most fucked up things I have ever, ever read. The fact that it exists at all shatters my preconceived notions of reality. The sky has gotten grayer. Life seems harder now. I may never know happiness again, BECAUSE OF THIS STORY. I… I’m just going to go cry now. If anyone needs my I’ll be in the fetal position in the back of my closet, weeping.