Remember the good old days when you’d go down to the newsstand and pick up your monthly issue of “More Fun Comics” and “Battle Hard War Fighters” and crack open a bottle of Ovaltine and then go for a stickball game with the neighborhood? Well, if you do, you’re obviously in a nursing home, because those days are over! ?
?Nowadays, kids get their comics as downloads, drink Four Loko, and play games online with middle aged Korean men who ignore their wives! And if you can’t get enough superheroes in your comic haul, you can turn to the internet for even more action! Check out these 10 superheroes and villains who have cool Twitter accounts (and have actually tweeted in the last month. Sorry, Hobo Darkseid!)!
10) Galactus (@GalactusMustEat)
?Well, he’s Galactus. He’s a hero in the new God Squad, and he’s got a decent twitter account! It’s mostly about how big he is and how he crushes things, but he keeps the voice and character whenever he responds to people. All too often these superhero twitter accounts are these really insular role-playing scenarios where, yes, you’re talking like Hawkeye, but you’re only interacting with the other 300 people in your role-playing circle. Whenever Galactus responds, he responds as a giant planet-eater who has no interest in the affairs of man.
9) The Punisher (@_ThePunisher_)
?He’s the fucking Punisher and he’s taken his crusade of tough talk and macho posturing to the internet. Frank Castle dispenses words of wisdom like, “Ever make it easy on criminals and just give them one shot to the head? HAHAHAHA me either Today is National Bite-The-Fuckin-Curb Day btw” and “The beats of Atreyu’s rock albums are beautiful. They’re angelic. They make my murder sprees become ballets without even trying.”
8) Mega Man (@DRN001)
?A couple 8-bit heroes have Twitter accounts, with varying results, but Mega Man has something fun going. How could you not, with dozens of enemies to rag on? “Alright, who left the flaming bag of spikes on my doorstep?” “Contrary to popular belief, Gutsman actually has no ass whatsoever. #WilyLeaks”
7) The Mad Hatter (@Jervis_Tetch_)
?OK, I’m admitting that I’m severely partial to the Hatter. And yes, he’s one of those role players who just talks with themselves. But he stays in character, and that’s freaky. And he speaks in rhyme. “Mustn’t struggle. Shouldn’t fuss. The ropes are tied, you made me. I must.” “All my guests, all in such festive dress. A hat for you and a hat for me, what am I forgetting, oh yes let’s pour the tea!”
6) Superman (@JerkSuperman)
?If you’ve ever wondered how Frank Miller might have written All-Star Superman, look no further than Jerk Superman. He’s far, far more interested in mocking his fellow superheros than in fighting crime, but he does it just as effectively. “Check this out, Bruce: it’s called a mobile phone. It’s like a Bat Signal you can use in the daytime. Oh, about 30 years. I know, right?”
5) Deadpool (@BigMouthMerc)
?If the real Deadpool was on Twitter, this would be his account. It’s chaotic, it’s funny, and it’s violent. Also, his webpage links to the Golden Girls fansite. And, most importantly, it’s updated pretty regularly with more and more hilarity. “Now about that parade. We should get started. San Francisco loves parades. My float should be made of tacos and naked women.” “And red should be everyone’s favorite color. It’s the last one they see when they meet me most of the time.”
4) Iron Man (@RealTonyStark)
?It’s easy to slip out of character when you’re role playing, but Iron Man himself keeps it real for an ungodly amount of tweets. After 4,000 tweets, “Tony Stark” still stays in character while tweeting, referencing the comic books and posting links that Tony Stark would find interesting. “I still wish I could remember what happened during those months. Like all the women I slept with but can’t recall.” “I feel like people back home aren’t taking these shootings seriously enough. This is how wars start, this is how civil wars start.”
3) Darkwing Duck (@TheRealDarkwing) ?
?Just his profile cracked me up: “I am the terror that flaps in night. I am the tweet that’s more than 140 characters!” He does a lot of shilling for his own comic books, but we’ll forgive him because he’s good-natured and everyone loves Darkwing Duck. Seriously, I can’t find one person who doesn’t. “Gosalyn’s getting into the holiday spirit. For her that means ‘snowball fights’ and ‘events inspired by snowball fights.'” “You do NOT want to see how Launchpad celebrates National Sandwich Day. Let’s just say this kitchen would have fared better against Megavolt.”
2) Batman (@God_Damn_Batman)
?He follows no one. He retweets no one. He has six digits worth of followers. He tells it like it is, and he’s awesome. If you’re not following the God Damn Batman, you have no business being on Twitter. “The Batman MMO: I play the Batman. Everyone else plays a criminal. You get a 15 second headstart.” “Hey hipster. Know where your fancy mustache and plastic glasses would look especially ironic? On my fists.” “Launched a new charity to help keep ex-cons off the streets. It’s called “Stay Off the Streets or You Get Beat in the Face with a Batarang.””
1) The Incredible Hulk
?There are numerous Hulk tweets, possibly because Hulk accounts are easy to make. All caps, no definitive articles, everything usually fits in 140 characters, and usually funny even when not trying to be. Some of my favorites are Drunk Hulk (@DRUNKHULK) “LOT OF BIRD DROP DEAD IN ARKANSAS! THEN LOT OF FISH DIE! DRUNK HULK TERRIFY! SOMEWHERE OUT THERE IS CAT WITH ONE WISH LEFT!”, Feminist Hulk (@feministhulk) “FEMINISM NOT EXIST IN VACUUM. HULK SMASH FOR ALL FORMS OF SOCIAL JUSTICE! HULK NO LET HEGEMONY SNEAK IN THE BACK DOOR.” and Book Store Hulk (@BOOKSTOREHULK) “HULK DOESN’T READ BOOKS ABOUT READING. MAKES HULK TOO NERVOUS THINKING ABOUT OTHER BOOKS HULK SHOULD BE READING.”