?I’m going to give you three guesses as to what this fan fic from roryfuckedamy (seriously, that’s the author’s name) is about, and the first two don’t count. Also, I’m going to beat you in the head with a hammer while you guess. Honestly, you should still be able to figure it out.
When I was 22 years old, my friend the doctor and I traveled together in
time and space as two friends. We took a three-week trip throughout
Really putting the TARDIS through its paces, eh? I guess in a certain sense, a trip to the grocery store also a journey through time and space. Huh, I never thought of that way.
Along the way, I met a young man on the trip. He was 19 years
old and drop-dead gorgeous with dark brown hair, hazel eyes.
This dude is not Rory, obviously, since the character Amy Pond knows who Rory is. Also, the author clearly knows who Rory is by his own fan fic name. So this is a story by a dude calling himself Roryfuckedamy… about someone other than Rory fucking Amy. So… this is almost certain the author inserting himself into his own fic. Outstanding. Be sure to yell “Geronimo” when you hit the jump.
Two things before we really get started: 1) Karen Gillen, who plays Amy on Doctor Who, is super, super hot. Although this is pretty obvious, I still feel it needs to be said for some reason. Second, anal sex kind of confuses me. I mean, there’s a perfectly good vagina just a few inches away, which is far more welcoming to penises on several different levels. It’s like a great steakhouse located right next to a McDonald’s, and you choosing to eat in the McDonald’s. Specifically, choosing to eat in the McDonald’s bathroom, because that’s where people shit.
PLEASE NOTE: This is not an invitation for you to tell me the pros and cons of anal sex in the comments. Much like religion and politics, I sincerely doubt anything anyone says on the internet will change my mind.
We had dinner one night at Mount Tivoli just outside Rome, Italy. All of
us had lots to drink with dinner, and I myself had about four glasses
of wine and four glasses of champagne. By the time we had gotten back on
the bus and returned to our hotel in Rome, I was pretty drunk. (we
decided to get a hotel so we don’t raise suspicion, the tardis isn’t the
most inconspicuous form of shelter
Yeah, it only has a perception filter which allows it to seem normal any location on any planet in the universe at any time. Clearly, modern Italy is the one exception.
Stepped into the hotel elevator with this young man, and walked with him
to his hotel room while The doctor walked alone back to the room he
was supposed to share with me. Once inside his room, I took off my high
heels as he locked the door. Then, I took off my green dress, pulled off
my white pantyhose, and stood there with my white panties and white
bra. “remember I don’t do this for free” I said
We kissed and fell on the bed together. Within seconds, he had removed
my bra and panties. As I lay on my back, he positioned himself between
my legs and lowered his cock onto my anus.
Please try to imagine the position Amy must be in to be lying on her back, and yet still have a penis “lowered” “onto” her anus.
I was a virgin in every sense
of the word, and I told him that I didn’t want to get pregnant.
Honey, I hate to break it to you, but if you’re agreeing to have anal sex with strangers for money, you’re not a virgin in every sense of the word.
He assured me I wouldn’t get pregnant by what we were going to do
“Dear sir: I would like you to fuck me in my ass, although I have no conception with what that entails. Can I get pregnant? Are my reproductive organs connected to my asshole? Also, why have you lowered your penis onto my anus? Is this a normal part of this “anal sex” which I’d like to have?”
Then, without warning, he flipped me over and kneed my legs
apart and shoved his entire cock all the way up my anus and into my
His dick was on your anus and you two both discussed you were going to have anal sex. How much more warning do you need, Amy? Should he have hired a goddamned skywriter?
I was so surprised by this I cried out in fear and pain.
Surprise! Anal sex involves having sex in your anus! Who could possibly have imagined?
But before I
had a chance to really react, he was thrusting in and out of my rectum,
fucking my ass with all of his strength.
What is this, anal sex D&D? Did this guy make his Surprise roll, causing Amy to lose an entire turn?
What could I do? I just went along with it and didn’t say a word, nor
did I resist in any way.
As the old saying goes, “When in Rome, try to be quiet when getting fucked in the ass.”
I think I was so excited about what was
happening and it was happening so quickly that I didn’t want to make a
His cock was huge, maybe about 11-inches long and 4-inches in diameter.
So like two Coke cans, on top of each other. That’s perfectly reasonably.
The pain was excruciating, but I didn’t dare let on how painful it was
or he might stop.
Incidentally, this is why I’m reasonably sure this story was written by a dude.
But as he continued to fuck my asshole, I began to
focus as much as possible on pleasing him.
Somewhere, Gloria Steinem is crying and she doesn’t know why.
“Does it hurt?” he kept asking me.
“Yes, a little,” I admitted, “but I don’t care. Don’t stop. Keep fucking
my ass as hard as you want. I just want you to enjoy it.” I had never
imagined myself having anal sex before, nor did I know what to expect
when he started fucking me like that.
“I had no idea it would involve my asshole, I can tell you that for sure!”
But, as excruciatingly painful as
it was to have his huge cock penetrating my asshole and reaming out my
ass, I was surprised at how excited and aroused I was by the mere
thought of being anally fucked by a man I had only met a few days
Ladies, you are welcome to tell me how much you love anal tearing, particularly when strangers are involved. I’m under the impression it’s quite a lot.
As he thrust his cock deep into my ass, I responded with whimpers and
moans, revealing the pleasure I was feeling even as I did my utmost to
mask my pain. He fucked my ass for about 30 minutes and I was exhausted.
“Also, you could put a baseball mitt in my asshole with room to spare.”
Then finally he pulled out of my ass and man-handled me around on the
bed so that I was lying on my back with my head hanging over the edge of
I looked up at him as he held my head in his hands. “Open your mouth,” he said. “I’m going to fuck your skull now.”
Man, there are few lines that cause panties to drop faster than “I’m going to fuck your skull now.” Admittedly, girls drop the panties so they can grab their can of mace, but seriously, the panties still drop super-fast.
Then, again without warning, he forced his huge cock between my lips and
all the way into my throat, causing me to gag and choke.
Amy is clearly missing some synapses, because it’s taking an abnormally long time for her to hear something being said and then her brain process it as information. Or maybe she just has no idea what a “warning” is. “Is it a kind of bird?”
He didn’t pull
out, in fact, as I continued to gag and choke and saliva oozed out of
the corners of my mouth… and onto my nostrils and eyes… he just kept
pounding my throat with his huge cock.
He started to rock his cock back and forth inside my throat. He was
literally fucking my throat. I dizzy from lack of oxygen, abut I was
excited by this too.
Of course she is.
Again I tried to focus on his pleasure, doing my
utmost to ignore my own discomfort.
I think at this point Gloria Steinem is trying to choke herself to death. I may have to send her a note of explanation and apology after this.
His cock continued to thrust down my throat and after maybe about 5
minutes of this; I began to puke up some of the alcohol that I had been
drinking. My vomit was a clear liquid and it oozed out of the corners of
my mouth and onto my nostrils and eyes and hair.
Sure, why not.
He kept fucking my face and I kept sucking his shaft with the walls of
my throat. I was powerless to stop him and almost unconscious by this
I think after about 10 minutes of fucking my throat as I continued to
puke up alcohol, he finally came in my throat, filling my tongue with
warm, thick semen, which I swallowed. He then pulled his cock out of my
mouth, and began to piss all over my hair, eyes, nose, mouth, and
breasts. Some of his piss entered my mouth, and I drank it.
The most insane thing about this? It’s that the dude finally actually did something without warning, and Amy doesn’t even notice.
I don’t remember anything after that until I woke up in the hall outside
his room in the morning. It was quite early and I was still naked. I
was covered in dried cum and piss and as I got up and hurried down the
hall to my room I limped and coughed, barely making it in time before I
began to vomit again.
Wait — did the dude pay you? Didn’t you insist that you “didn’t do this for free”? AMY POND: WORLD’S WORST PROSTITUTE.
Luckily the doctor opened the door right away or I would have messed the carpet in front of our door.
“Hmm,” said the Doctor, looking at me vomiting in the toilet. “I think it’s time we go on another adventure. I’ll call this one ‘Let’s See If We Can Prevent Amy from Ending Up Such a Stupid Whore.'”
The end. Sorry, this week’s installment is a short story, but it was mostly for my own sanity. Your
complaints about the story being too short or too tame will be noted
and immediately ignored. your complaints that I’m not funny this week
will be noted, and shrugged off, as I almost didn’t run any FFF today,
as I definitely feeling “off” today. If you want me to skip future FFFs
when I don’t feel I can make a decent go of it, please let me know. It
won’t hurt my feelings, it’d kind of be a relief, frankly.