Hey folks, Rob gave me the honor of judging this week’s contest and I know I have said it before but you guys really outdo yourself with your entries. However, this isn’t always a good thing. You see, so many of you submitted shirt ideas that were absolutely terrific they should be not only made, but cherished (and possibly framed). Dr. Doom chilling with the cast of E.R.? Oh hell yes. Paul Atreides as a spice-loving chef? I need that in my life right now. If this was a Best Nerd Shirt Ever contest, many of you would have won easily. But a ton of you guys submitted entries for shirts that were actually great instead of horrible.This posed a problem when it came time for me to judge. While your ideas were very entertaining, often they were with entries that were anything but the worst. With three shirts on the line, to be victorious you had to come up with a shirt that was so bad it crossed into a heretofore realm of awfulness/offensiveness/unpleasantness that only the most bold would ever dare explore. Fortunately, a lot of you were still up to the challenge.
Before we kick off this fashion freak show, Topless Robot would once again like to extend a very special thanks to the awesome folks over at Split Reason for sponsoring this contest. Whether you won, just got an honorable mention or didn’t even place at all, you’ll probably be able to find some nerdy apparel from them. Hit the jump and see what won!
Honorable Mentions (in no particular order):
Jar Jar Binks. Just an unmarked, uninjured, unmolested picture of Jar Jar Binks’s face.
Simple but effective.
Picture of Joss Whedon. Above Caption: I’m A Need’en Whedon.
I’ll leave it to you to decide what’s worse, the rhyme or blind devotion to everything Joss does. **cough** Alien Resurrection **cough**
The racist ice cream truck twins from Revenge of the Fallen. Flashing gang signs.
Christ, I can totally imagine this existing. And that terrifies me.
The Fame00 said:
Any shirt that the wearer has made to advertise their own blog, comic,
nerdy property, that they plan only to wear themselves. Because only the
truest of nerds would self-promote their own nerdiness at such a level.
This bothers me as well for irrational reasons. Or maybe I’m just sad I don’t have a TR shirt of my own. Grr.
Current day Carrie Fisher, pre-Weight Watchers, in the slave outfit.
You can just count the reasons such a thing would be wrong, couldn’t you?
Grant the Jester said:
Black shirt, centered is a graphic of a can of Pabst Blue Ribbon with
TARDIS windows and light on top. But it’s one of those electronic shirts
and whenever it senses a new wifi signal from a coffee house it plays
the TARDIS engine noise and lights up.
Nightmare or hipster fantasy? You decide.
Nostromo’s Second Android said:
A picture of meowth bending over with a Pokeball where his butthole should be.
“ASS TO MEOWTH” written underneath.
Hope you guys weren’t eating lunch when you read that one.
A long T-shirt that ends about six inches below the hips of the wearer,
with a picture of a bare ass on the back approximately right where the
wearer’s would be. On the front of the T-shirt is printed the words
“That’s no moon.”
A cheap joke, but it works beautifully.
You got Arthur Dent and Ford Prefect being Lifted off the ground by a
beam of light while Towlie is down below looking mournfully upward. On
the back it says “don’t forget to bring a towel.”
The Hitchhiker’s Guide to South Park? How unexpected! I suppose this could be interpreted as more awesome than awful for some of you, but hey, it’s only an HM and not a shirt-winner, so get off my back!
A shirt that has the Twilight logo on it. Nothing else, just that.
Fish in a barrel people. FISH IN A BARREL.
The Lewd Ood said:
A picture of Rob Schneider as Fergee in Judge Dredd and the quote “It’s better than prison”
Come to think of it, maybe “explanations for Rob Schneider’s career longevity” would make a good contest idea.
The Amazing Rando said:
But…but…she’s a fucking cartoon man!
I Frak on the First Date
Hands up if you think using the word “frak” in daily conversation is a punchable offense.
A Batman costume print T-shirt done in the style of the Joel Schumacher films complete with nipples.
Again, I could totally see this being worn at Wizard World. And if memory serves, Bazzinga wasn’t the only person who came up with this idea. You sick fucks.
A picture of Jabba wearing the slave Leia get-up with the caption: “Jabba The Slut.”
Obvious yes, but mark my words — somewhere deep in the bowels of Rancho Obi Wan this exists. The rest of the honorable mentions and the winners are on the next page:
Zhaan from Farscape and Vash the Stampede from Trigun planting a tree with the caption “Plants Are Your Friends.”
What, no love for Captain Planet?
A “The Governator” T-shirt.
Timely and true.
TEAM KANEDA with a picture of Robert Pattinson’s face.
Imagine a shirt where on it is a beautiful Star Wars wedding scene, with
Batman and Neo in the crowd with the rest of the main Star Wars cast.
Then in the center of it all, the bride and groom are Doctor Who
inspired babyfurs. They are wetting themselves. At the bottom of the
shirt is a geocities hosted weblink to the fanfiction.
You son of a bitch, that’s horrible…in other words, well done. And now for a very special HM.
Ezkiel Light, Grant the Jester, Sashaisme and Grey Wolf put their demented heads together and came up with this beauty: ?
Now for the winners…
The Prof355OR said:
Wow. I didn’t embed the above pic, you can thank me later. Honestly, the “orange juice” bit is still so disturbing.
Darth Dorkus said:
A poorly hand-drawn, home-made topless robot shirt: (1) I’d be pissed
off because they were faking it and hadn’t really won the contest, (2)
I’d be pissed off because this would be such an act or nerdery that in a
way they should have won it, (3) I’d be pissed off because I would
secretly understand and feel a deep, deep sense of shame. At any rate,
that person would be in for one epic ass kicking. And then I would have
to go and drink myself into a coma.
Darth makes some good points here AND references getting shloshed. Given the basic tenets of this site, it seems only right to give him a shirt. Nerdery and booze are what keeps TR running I suppose.
I thought of TRULY THE WORST NERD SHIRT EVER. Someone would conceivably
wear this. And it is awful and would lead to some kind of confrontation: A black t-shirt with white lettering that quite simply states, “Douglas
Adams contributed absolutely nothing to the history of nerdery.”
Moon, I have to say that if I saw a nun, small child or someone in a wheelchair wearing the shirt you mentioned, I would have no problem kicking their ass. Judging a contest like this is subjective to me sure, but you really played upon my love for Adams here. So enjoy your shirt, you magnificent bastard. And to everyone else, thanks for playing and better luck next time!