Some comic book characters, like people, have it made. They’re out there saving the world, or destroying it, and looking great while doing it. So when all the fighting is over for the day, maybe they’ll decide to wine and dine a person/being who perks their interests, even if they stand on separate ground morally. Or…maybe they’ll just skip all of that and go straight for the goods, but not every hook-up ends well, and this is where I come in. I’m here to point out the worst relationship moments for some of the most lustful beings spanning all the way from Earth to the far corners of the comic galaxy.
10. Brood Queen (X-Men)
This may be one of the strangest entries to be placed on this list, but we have a reason: technically the Brood Queen is a big, fat floozy. Seriously, she’ll try to impregnate anything that gets in her path. Her biggest mistake was that one weird time where she implanted herself into most of the X-Men, except for Wolverine. Eventually they’re saved from the Brood infection but at one point they had a lot of the Brood Queen swimming in them. That’s just gross.
9. The Girls of Old Town (Sin City)
These women will open their legs to anybody who can pay the right amount. You can’t particularly blame them: all they’re trying to do is make a decent buck in a corrupt city. Still, they’ve managed to use their well-cut bodies to their advantage, and they’ve taken control of their part of the city in order to prevent it being overrun by pimps or the mob. They have a cute deal with the cops, which may be their most conniving form of prostitution: in order for them to keep control of their land, they let the cops get a small cut of the profits and have some fun with the Old Town Girls when they’re off duty. Hey, a girl’s got to survive in some way. What they did isn’t particularly bad – but it’s not really good either.
8. Ike (Morning Glories)
Ike is a little whore. He’s barely fifteen years old, and he’s probably gotten more booty than the rest of his school, classmates and teachers combined. Then again if you’re a bratty son of a wealthy family, you feel naturally entitled to get whatever it is you want. While his conscience has been peeking out more in recent issues of Morning Glories, his biggest mistake happened when he let Miss Daramount, one of the teachers at his school, make some moves on the boy. Okay, so she did it so he would do her bidding, but he’s such a little sleaze that it’s no surprise he would cave in. Also, if you haven’t read Morning Glories yet, then make a note to do so. It’s a fantastic new comic series that you should be collecting.
7. Emma Frost (X-Men)
Emma Frost is one of the sexiest looking blondes to ever hit the pages of a Marvel comic. She’s a seductive woman who uses her good looks in order to get ahead in the world. Since she’s danced around the side of good for some time now, she probably wouldn’t like to converse so much about her days back with The Hellfire Club; at one point she charmed the pants off of Sebastian Shaw in order to get ahead, which is definitely a super slutty moment in her sexual encounters. And surely Cyclops wasn’t too happy when he found out that Emma Frost used to be fuck buddies with Tony Stark/Iron Man before the two hooked up. Perhaps one day Emma Frost and Cyclops’ relationship will end, so she can go on a sexual rampage through the mutant universe.
6. Bruce Wayne/Batman
If you’re a hot billionaire in a metropolitan area, then you can easily get as many fine women in your bed as you’d want. Bruce Wayne/Batman had his share of affairs with villains, superheroes and everyday working girls. He may have even had a couple of spins in the sack with Zatanna for all we know (and could we really blame him for that?). But no matter how kind of a soul Bruce Wayne is, everybody messes up from time to time. Batman and Talia al Ghul have always been hot for each other, no question, but he should have kept it in his pants. In recent comics it’s been revealed that due to their romps together in the bedroom, Talia ended up giving birth to their son Damien. If that’s the case, then what if he suddenly knocks up Selina Kyle on top of it? He’s messed around with her on a number of occasions, especially recently, so it’s not out of the question. Hey Bruce, you’re a father now. Shouldn’t you be a little bit more tame about getting in other women’s pants?
5. Starfire (Red Hood and the Outlaws)
If you’ve been paying attention to The New 52, then you’ve seen them transform the sweet and powerful Starfire into a raging whore. Sure, her costumes have always been rather suggestive, but she’s always been a kind-hearted young alien who’s love for the human race has driven her to protect the Earth from enemies. However, when she got the reboot treatment, she was transformed from a cute girl to a cold, uninteresting piece of well-sculpted alien flesh who would have sex with Roy Harper (Arsenal) behind Jason Todd’s back just to pass the time. This was pointed out as one of the biggest missteps that The New 52 team made last year, and still remains one of Starfire’s biggest character screw ups when it comes to her love life. Tsk tsk.
4. Prince Charming/Rose Red (Fables)
At one point in your life you probably thought to yourself, “I wish I’d never hooked up with that person.” Prince Charming definitely knows that feeling. The creative minds behind the Eisner Award-winning comic book series Fables took the character Prince Charming and turned him into a smooth talking, womanizing a-hole. Then there’s Rose Red, the lesser known fairy tale character who happens to be the sister of Snow White. When you combine years worth of sibling jealousy, what do you get? Snow White catching Rose Red sleeping with Prince Charming, her husband at that time. Snow White and Rose Red didn’t talk for awhile after the incident and she quickly divorced the cheating bastard. Rose Red and Prince Charming eventually changed for the better, but that’s still one moment in their trampy lives they’ll never forget.
3. Tony Stark/Iron Man
You would have to be living under a rock if you didn’t know Tony Stark, also known as Iron Man, wasn’t one of Marvel’s biggest playboys. The man has tapped the asses of countless normal and superpower women throughout the years. That doesn’t mean this playboy hasn’t made a few mistakes along the way, however. He’s broken the hearts of many, including psychic woman Marianne Rodgers who eventually went insane towards the end of their relationship together. Then there’s Heather Glenn, Daredevil’s former girlfriend who gave Tony Stark a try but committed suicide shortly after their alcohol-driven relationship began. Needless to say, his drinking ways helped sink Heather into an even deeper depression, leading her to commit such an awful act. Any guy can be great in the sack, but it takes more than that in order to maintain a solid relationship. But that’s okay, we still love you, Tony…even though it hasn’t always turned out well for you.
The character of Archie may be an absolute sweetheart, but there’s always been one aspect of him that’s seemed off – his ability to make a decision when it comes to women. Betty and Veronica have been the two loves in Archie’s long-running comic book life for God knows how long, and he’s been going back and forth between them for ages. You think that’s bad? I crowned him a certified slut-bag when, just a couple of years ago, Archie had two alternate timeline comics: in one he married Betty, the other Veronica. Archie is the definition of a player, but instead of acting like a smug prick he continues to be a red-headed young man with a supposed heart full of gold. Archie, you can’t be two-timing Betty and Veronica. They are both very foxy women who can get their own man, but somehow between your red hair and big eyes, there’s something there that these babes find irresistible. Quit abusing your mysterious power.
Now She-Hulk may have a large, intimidating exterior but on the inside, her alter-ego, Jennifer Walters needs some good old fashioned loving as much as any normal woman. What separates her from many Marvel superheroes is that she strives to find men that can handle her intellectually and in the sack. As a result she’s had a number of sexual romps with the likes of Tony Stark to Man-Wolf, even letting her number of brief relationships get the best of her when she scored a bad rap for going to bed with The Juggernaut. (He is a bad guy, after all – ever since he tried to kill her cousin The Hulk, She-Hulk has denied the rumors that the two ever had sexual relations.) She-Hulk has tried settling down a couple of times, but now she’s just a single lady who’s looking for a man to please what may be the Marvel universe’s most powerful girly parts.
Honorable Mention: Wimpy (Popeye)
While he may not be getting any action from the ladies, he gets plenty from hamburgers. Wimpy’s known as Popeye’s right hand man and his best friend, but he’s also one devious little con artist – most of the time he uses his artful skills in order to get more food, mainly hamburgers. His tricks getting people to buy him a multitude of hamburgers have built up so much over decades that he’s cemented his spot on this list. But surely the hamburgers would want a few words with Wimpy when they found out that he’s conned his way into getting other foods for himself as well. How dare he cheat on hamburgers!