For those of you who still watch all the newest anime, you probably already know that Attack on Titan is the best show this season about a gang of teens flying around and cutting up giant naked people.
For the uninitiated: Attack on Titan is a bombastically dramatic anime series about a dystopian future wherein humanity is driven to live in walled-off cities, in order to defend themselves from creepy, naked, giant humanoid “Titans” that lumber about and devour people. It’s quite good, but more importantly, it has THE MOST DRAMATIC OPENING THEME SONG EVER. Behold:
You think maybe, somewhere between the squealing guitar, the operatic chorus, and the non-stop hammering percussion, they thought to themselves, “Hey, this seems a little bit… much. I mean, yeah, this is a dramatic series, but we’re presenting this as THE MOST DRAMATIC THING EVER TO BE MADE. No? Okay, fuck it.”
Needless to say, you make something this overbearingly serious, and people on the internet are going to have fun with it. Here are the best mash-ups around!
7) Attack on Mad Men
This one doesn’t quite measure up as far as production values, but honestly – kudos to the editor who remembered the silly conga dance sequence from the Season 4 Christmas episode.
In a related note, if Production I.G or Matthew Weiner wants to hear my pitch for a dystopian Mad Men anime, where only Peggy’s superior copywriting skills can stop a marauding army of monsters, hit me up.
6) Attack on Omelette
This one gets points for brazen, unfettered stupidity. I applaud the bored man in his crummy apartment, who was watching Attack on Titan one day, got a hankerin’ for an omelette, and let fate decide the rest.
The saddest part is that he doesn’t appear to be very good at making omelettes.
5) Attack on Pingu
I’m not as familiar with Pingu as much as the rest of the world seems to be, but needless to say the Attack on Titan opening gives Pingu’s arctic antics a healthy dose of some much-needed gravitas. “In a futuristic, arctic wasteland, only Pingu stands against the hordes of Titans…”
4) Attack on Coke
As the sage William Joel once sang: “ROCK AND ROLLER COLA WARS, I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE.”
Also, those giant sky-cans of Coca Cola look eerily like something out of a Neil Blomkamp movie. Apologies if I just accidentally spoiled the end of Elysium.
3) Attack on Snuggle
It’s good to know I’m not the only one who found something leering and unsettling about those 80’s Snuggle Bear commercials. Kudos to you, Intrepid Japanese Anime Fan, for reminding me of those quietly disturbing moments as a child where I thought the Snuggle Bear was some kind of unemotional monstrosity!
2) Attack on Hill
If it weren’t for a last-minute discovery I just made, Attack on King of the Hill probably would’ve been number one on this list. And in all honestly, it’s god-damned alarming how well that loud music works over the animation of Hank Hill drinking beer in his driveway. I’m going to petition Fox Television to release a special DVD set, just for me, of every King of the Hill episode with the Attack on Titan theme spliced in instead. This will happen when I have all the money.
1) Attack on Hundred Acre Wood
Now, there are many reasons why this is one of my favorite things on YouTube. First of all, the quiet world of Winnie the Pooh naturally contrasts nicely with Attack on Titan’s bombast. Secondly, all the props in the world to the Japanese person who painstakingly placed Christopher Robin’s head on the poor murdered giant in the opening.
And third, and most importantly, is that it’s actually a great parody of this kids’ game on Yahoo Japan – which went viral across the Japanese internet a few months ago for being the hardest damn kids game ever. Seriously. Give it a try and see if you can even get to Owl. That feathery, know-it-all fucker.