These Terrible World War Z Action Figures Have to Be a Joke…Right?

These can’t be real, can they? I mean, the one on the left is actually supposed to be Brad Pitt’s character, Gerry Lane? Yeah, Pitt’s notoriously gun-shy about signing over likeness rights (hence no David Mills or Tyler Durden toys, despite demand), but would it have been too much to give the guy long hair, at least?

Oh, wait, this is Jazwares, the company that keeps holding on to the Mortal Kombat license by releasing hideously sculpted pegwarmers year after year. And it gets better…

I envision a nightmarish, apocalyptic future in which large swarms of these blanket the specialty figure aisle at Toys R Us, smothering all others beneath their wretched carcasses and choking out any supply of newer, more vibrant toys for an eternity, as the hobby becomes extinct within a matter of days.

The person who wrote the product description…let’s just say that individual is as skilled with words and PR know-how as Jazwares sculptors are at making good toys.

• Prepare for World War Z!
• Then again, perhaps the zombie apocalypse will never happen.
• Case includes 6 action figures derived from the World War Z movie.
• You get Running and Soldier Zombie!

Actually, Jazwares person, they’re called “Special Forces Zombie” and “Civilian Zombie,” as somebody in your company’s packaging department should have told you. But it doesn’t matter, because the only people who’ll buy these for $37.99 a pair probably can’t read anyhow.