Syfy should hire some of you. Seriously.
I asked for your pitches for a new Syfy original movie, with the prize being any three items from the Sharknado online store. We got some good ones.
Hit the jump to read them.
MEXICAN WRESTLER ZOMBIE HUNTERS OF TERRA HOUTE, INDIANA
The Canadian government upset with always being mocked, decide they will corner the worlds elite soldier market by creating a squad of Invisible warriors. Testing the serum on a pack of wolves, they learn that not only does the serum make the Wolves invisible, but smarter and homicidal. soon the wolves escape into the canadian wilderness outside of Toronto and the government is required to release an infamous wolf poacher to track down and kill THE INVISIWOLVES OF CANADA!!
the tagline: they’re going to take you aw-eh
Deep beneath a remote Island swim prehistoric sharks, evolving to the frigid and scolding water temperatures of the caverns, located right below the Island’s volcano.
Above ground, within the central hub for US volcanic research, Island scientists predict the worst eruption in history. Below ground, the sharks are beginning to adapt even more: swimming up the cavern, breaking through the hardened lava and testing their hardened skin against molten waves. Success! Before eruption, the scientists prepare, with excitement, to test the new “funnel” they’ve created with modern technology to guide and drain the volcanic lava away from the local town.
When lava-surfing sharks begin to make their way down the volcanic-funnel, they break free, resulting in both the lava, and the sharks to reign terror across the city.
Scientists finally work their science and activate technology to shift the Earth’s gravitational pull temporarily, resulting in large waves eventually washing over the island, the lava, and taking the sharks out to sea. But is this just the beginning????
when Charlie fell asleep he was an architect, with a loving girl friend and a goofy best friend, and everyone sppoke english, but when he woke up…
EVERYBODY SPEAKS FRENCH!!!
Watch as Charlie tries to navigate a pitch to his boss but fails because … EVERYBODY SPEAKS FRENCH!
Watch his girlfriend and him get into a huge fight that he doesn’t understand because… EVERYBODY SPEAKS FRENCH!!
Watch Scott Baio as Charllie trying to recapture a tiny sliver of dignity in the SYFY original movie:
EVERYBODY SPEAKS FRENCH!
Dwight Schultz and Dirk Benedict reunite on SyFy as two sanitation works who accidentally awake an ancient evil in the sewers beneath Chicago.
Can they stop their bickering long enough to prevent – THE CRAPACLSYM?
A new theme park with robotic dinosaurs has opened for kids and adults alike. When a lightning storm strikes the robotic dinos seem to have minds of their own. Bloodthirsty minds. Cleeever Girl.
Chase Stone (Played by Dustin Diamond) leads a elite special forces unit against insurgents in the middle east.
Julian Lopez (played by Eric Estrada) is a treasure hunter, scouring ruins, seeking fortune and fame.
Both are brought together when searching the same cave and accidentally awakening an ancient evil. With a the body of a scorpion, the head and appetite of a great white, and the ability to swim through the sand as easily as a fish through water, its The SCORPISHARK.
After the initial attack wipes out most soldiers, the beast shoots across the desert towards the forward operations base. Chase calls to warn Colonel Jackson (played by Marc Summers) but it’s too late.
Can a over the hill fortune hunter and a dorky looking commando, stop the beast?
Find out in 6 weeks (give or take a week for CGI effects) on SYFY
Oh yeah. They kill Scorpishark with an underground nuke. The resulting explosion encases it in glass. The overhead shot looks like a lake with a Scorpishark shadow in the middle of it.
RATTLEQUAKE! A massive colony of rattlesnakes forms and moves rapidly across the southwest, causing damaging earthquakes in their wake. They burst from the ground, raining down upon their hapless victims, mercilessly poisoning all who oppose them!
Scenes include national monuments vibrating into rubble! Schoolyards full of children being infected! Comely b-movie starlets being surprised in their bath tubs by snakes in a drain!
Sharkalanche – The Great White Out..
In an avalanche of blood, teeth and back fins – thought to be extinct Megalodons, that were caught up and frozen in the last ice age, begin thaw out due to global warming and reek havoc on a small North Eastern Mountain resort town. Staring James Woods as The Drunk Sheriff, Clint Howard as The Kooky Scientist and Rachel Leigh Cook as The Waitress. Cameos by Ke$ha and Cuba Gooding Jr as Shark Bait #’s 1 and 2 round out this star studded cast.
It’s Raining (Undead) Men – Freak weather accident means that zombies are now raining from the sky. Includes undead cat’s and dog’s as well. Take shelter before they take your brains!
Dino-cologist: A dinosaur masquerades as a gynecologist, until he is discovered eating patients
Sharkteroid starring David Hasslehoff as the scientist that discovers the shark infested asteroid, Dustin Diamond as the would be hero that must save the day against all odds, those odds being being eaten by random sharks flying from the asteroid, Amy Jo Johnson as the love interest that may not survive to the end (okay, she does), Reginald ValJohnson as the older gentleman that will say the right thing that sparks the epiphany that the hero will end up using to save said day, Tawny Kitaen as the first victim. Judd Nelson as the scientist that realizes the truth about these sharks.
A pretty older lady is jogging in the LA canyons. She stops to take a break. A shadow covers her. She looks up just in time to see nothing but teeth.
A scientist analyzing the shark realizes that this species of shark hasn’t been around for 65 Million years. While that scientist is discovering this, his best friend, also a scientist, discovers an asteroid is headed towards Earth.
More sharks fall from the sky. It is discovered that they are coming from the asteroid itself. It turns out that the asteroid used to be a chunk of Earth that broke off 65 Million years ago when the asteroid that wiped out the dinosaurs hit. The sharks were part of that chunk and froze in space, only to dethaw when they hit the atmosphere and still be alive. The asteroid hits, causing tidal waves and giant prehistoric sharks to hit everywhere.
Tagline: It’s not safe to go in the water…or stay on land.
When a massive earthquake hits the ancient temples of South America, the armies of the dead rise to exact vengeance for their stolen lands, the defiling of their towers by the tourist filth, and the exploitation by no-talent hacks such as racist, homophobic director Bill Hibson. Will Bill Hibson grow as a person? Will he manage to stop the rampaging, ancient soldiers before they kill every man, woman, and child in Mexico? Will he be able to finish the film that will place him back in the public eye, a daring film about the fall of an ancient historical empire?
Peter Stormare stars in…AZTECTONIC SHIFT!
For most of my life there has been one question that has haunted me relentlessly. Where the hell are all of the ghosts of Dinosaurs!?
Plot : Julie’s 7 year old son was hit by a car and passed away. Heartbroken, she holds a seance in hopes of moving on. She needs an object of her sons in order to make a connection with the deceased so she chooses her sons favorite toy, a plastic tyrannosaurus. But something goes horribly wrong. Instead of connecting with her dead son, she unleashes a never ending horde of vicious Dinosaur Ghosts! Did I mention that Julie works at a museum and decided to hold the seance there for some reason? Bad move Julie. Now the Dino-Ghosts possess the fossils on display at the museum. And if that weren’t terrifying enough, the Dinos are learning and find a way to possess the bodies of the living things. Including humans! They better find a way to stop the invasion before WE become extinct!
Tagline: They’re here. And they’re pissed!
Special “Has-Been” Celebrity Guest Stars: Fabio (as the nerdy paleontologist) , Macaulay Culkin (as the sleazy corporate douche trying to shut down the museum) and Kim Kardashian (as the slut who dies first).
An alien ship crashes in the Midwest to be discovered by a farming couple. They alien baby within resembles human beings enough to be raised among us. Hiding among humans, the alien keeps its strange powers a secret from the humans all around it while secretly helping everyone. The aliens powers of superior vision and superior vision allows it to keep tabs on all the inhabitants of Littleville. With superior servile lance, the alien carries out secret good deeds and is never creepy in any way. I present to you: SuperiorBoy!
Bearcophagus. An ancient Inuit tribe worships the grizzly and performs a mummification ritual when it dies. Hundreds of years later, the tribe has died out, but an anthropologist played by Shannon Elizabeth is now studying their area and comes across the sarcophagus containing the bear mummy. The sarcophagus is transferred to her lab in Los Angeles. She translates and reads the ancient scroll and, of course, the bear mummy comes to life and goes on a killing spree. Also starring Rider Strong as the detective who teams up with her and Elizabeth Berkley as the museum director.
Cougars!!! A seductress in her 40s (Traci Lords) is out on the prowl at the hottest clubs in LA., searching for men in their early 20s. After the deed is done, she actually transforms into a cougar and kills the young man in his bed. One of the young men lives with his uncle, played by Scott Baio. SB begins following Traci, hoping to prove her guilt. He teams us with Shannon Elizabeth, a journalist who is investigating these stories. Jaleel White and Fred Ward play the detectives investigating the case.
(I know I keep using the same actors in all my ideas, but they need to be fairly recognizable names, like Ian Ziering and Tara Reid.)
It all began on a clear calm day,… When SUDDENLY CHAOS BREAKS OUT AT ALL THE MUSEUMS IN THE WORLD!
SEE!-All the dinosaur skeletons abruptly come to life and stomp out of their museums!
SEE!- The streets of earths’ major cities jammed with terrified people fleeing the rampaging skeletons!
SEE!- All the standing stones in Stonehenge begin swaying uncontrollably and toppling over to reveal… A GIGANTIC T-REX SKELETON RISING FROM THE CENTER OF STONEHENGE!
SEE!- ANCIENT MONUMENTS CRUMBLE AS GIANT UFOS RISE FROM UNDERNEATH THEM!
SEE!- THE MONUMENTAL TITANIC CLASH FOR CONTROL OF THE EARTH BETWEEN… “SKELE-DINOS VERSUS ANCIENT ALIENS!”
“SKELE-DINOS VERSUS ANCIENT ALIENS”, Coming soon to a TV station near you.
Megapenguinapocalypse: The story of how global climate change and genetic engineering results in penguins going on a rampage of global devastation. Victims are impaled on the beaks of Mega Emperor Penguins and ripped to shreds to feed their voracious hatchlings! As the ice caps melt and the glaciers advance none are safe! In the end people learn to blend in by wearing tuxes and destroy their hatcheries.
Shark People from Alcatraz
In the same vein as the classic “Humanoids from the Deep” this campy newcomer is about a group of shark-men who have made a home on Alcatraz as it’s being re-opened as a women’s correctional facility. This is fortunate for the shark-men who need women to keep their race going, not so fortunate for all the ladies on the cell blocks. Special Guest star Lauren Holly as the Warden
Rob Schneider Versus Dragon-Hitler
That’s the title AND the description.
(Dragon-Hitler is the good guy)
TABLE SAW PTERODACTYLS!
The military and government scientists have genetically cloned pterodactyls for use in fighting terrorism (because why not?). To make them extra terrifying, they have been armed with table saw blades in their wings. Predictably, they go rouge and attack Southern California, sawing people in half and causing general mayhem. A team of special forces commandos are sent out to stop them before the coast is sawed up like a bloody sheet of particle board. Starring Alan Thicke, Carrot Top, Raven-Symone and that girl from ‘Small Wonder’.
Alien Pirates Vs. Zombie Ninjas: The invasion has begun as Pirates from across the stars declare their intent to plunder our planet. Only the Ninja’s stood a chance to stop them but the scurvy aliens had too advanced of a technology. Now all the Ninja’s are dead, but that will not stop them. A strange side effect of the alien weapons have made the Ninja’s harder to keep down as they rise with a hunger for brains! Now It is Aliens Vs Zombies! And Pirates vs Ninjas! And a helpless group of regular people are caught between the epic battle only to figure whoever wins … we lose.
Bearvalanche: An unusually large migration of grizzly bears get caught in a freak avalanche that drives them toward a ski resort full of college kids on winter break. Bears randomly start bursting out of the snow and the coeds have to figure out a way to get off the mountain before getting devoured. At some point, someone is going to have to do a backflip on a snowboard over a bear, possibly dropping some some sort of explosive on it while upside down.
And the winner is…
Gallen_Dugall, who really went into detail with a plot as amazingly insane as the pitch.
MechaSharknado: In the aftermath of Sharknado the military attempts to duplicate the event and weaponize storms by reflecting microwaves off of the upper atmosphere to direct the storms and then seeding them with mechanical sharks. Once the tornado reaches critical mass they lose the ability to control it – the microwaves only make it more powerful, think hurricane sized tornado – where upon it devastates the neared convenient city, probably LA.
This film picks up several years after the events in Sharknado. It opens in a terrorist training camp somewhere in a desert as a storm rolls in, and as the storm rolls out the entire camp and everyone in it has been chewed to pulp. Cut to a Navy ship where a scientist explains this as the first successful field test of their newest weapon in the war on terror, tornado powered shark drones, and the microwave transmitter on the ship that they use to direct the artificial tornado. The idea is that these drones are powered by the powerful updrafts within the tornado and don’t have to be rearmed because they attack with powerful jaws instead of rockets or guns, which allows them to stay on station indefinitely, while the microwave transmitter on the ship directs the storm where ever it is needed.
The second part of the field test involves recovery of the drones at sea and this is what they are attempting when things go wrong. They have to greatly increase the power of the microwaves in order to counter a natural weather front that is trying to push the Mechasharknado into a peaceful fishing village. They save the village but the Mechasharknado is now supercharged, ionization within it blocks all radio control signals, preventing all attempts to shut down the drones, and now it is hurtling across the ocean and headed for the USAlund. The vessel races ahead of the storm to clear civilian shipping and this is where they end up rescuing civilians who were survivors of the original Sharknado and immediately recognize this new threat as a weaponized version of the original storm.
Meanwhile evacuations are being commenced on the mainland as a precaution and a terrorist sleeper cell is brought online to hijack the Mechasharknado. The terrorists have all been Americanized, one has a really good IT job, another fell in love with a good Muslim woman who is helping him study for the citizenship exam, and their leader is just disillusioned with jihad and feels reality TV will do the job for them if given the time, but the fourth member of the cell, who by his clothing clearly works in a fast food restaurant, has actually grown to hate the infidels even more (he occasionally has flashbacks concerning a deep fryer) and takes control of the group killing and replacing the leader.
As the Mechasharknado hits land it has winds that are threatening to break the sound barrier and no matter what the scientists do it keeps growing in power with the only hope to regain control of the weaponized tornado is to get ahead of it and launch a prototype control drone into it that will absorb all the excess energy and allow the winds to die down, however the terrorists have constructed their own control drone and now they race each other to get into position to gain control of the Mechasharknado – for whoever controls Mechasharknado controls the world!
Tell me which three items you want – size and color where applicable – and claim your prize!