It’s that Halloween season, so you know what that means: horror movie marathons! This year, we decided to take a look at every single one of the Friday the 13th films from the 1980 original to the 2009 remake. As the series grew Jason from a creepy kid popping out of the water at the end of 1980’s Friday the 13th, to a cybernetically enhanced monster in Jason X, and then back to his woodsman roots in the 2009 remake, one thing stayed consistent over the franchise’s 33 years: these things are packed with unlikable, awful characters who, in the moral code of a horror film, deserve to get dispatched with a machete, corkscrew, harpoon or what-have-you.
We’re talking about the incredibly mean girls and guys, the obnoxiously awful townspeople, the kid-terrorizing adults, the worst parents around and even a few other killers. After spending hours watching all 12 films in the franchise, we compiled this list of the 20 most deserving victims in the Friday the 13th films.
Before continuing, be warned: the following list is jam packed with spoilers and NSFW clips.
20. Joey B. (Jason Goes To Hell)
When it comes to so-annoying-they-deserve-to-die, few characters from the Friday the 13th films come to mind more than Jason Goes To Hell bit player Joey B. This cartoonishly drawn diner owner loves her gun and her F bombs, neither of which actually makes her interesting. She also tempted fate by having a 2 for 1 “Jason is Dead” burger sale. In real life, being annoying and cursing like a sailor obviously doesn’t earn you a one way trip to machete-ville, but we’re talking slasher movies here, so it was a relief when one of the bodies Jason possessed finally silenced her forever.
19. Jimmy (Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter)
Crispin Glover’s Jimmy actually isn’t that bad of a guy; he’s just a terrible dancer. Possibly the worst dancer in the world and certainly the least coordinated one in the Friday films. So, yeah, we cheered a bit when he got corkscrewed and then meat-cleavered by Jason after hooking up with one of the twins and bringing a whole new meaning to the term “dead fuck.”
18. Axel (Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter)
Axel, Axel, Axel. You were just too much of a creepo to make it through the beginning of Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter. But what did you expect? Things never really work out for hospitals holding the corpses of slashers. It doesn’t help that you insisted on trying to hook up with Nurse Morgan right next to Jason’s corpse as weird ’80s workout videos played on TV. Not only did Mrs. Voorhees’ boy cop a feel on your lady, but he also wound up killing her and slicing your throat with a hacksaw. Sure, it was a little over the top, but you’ve got to take more pride in your work and put those stiffs in the freezer.
17. Sheriff Garris (Friday the 13th: Jason Lives)
After accidentally waking Jason back up in the beginning of Jason Lives, Tommy Jarvis – who will appear again on this list – runs to the closest police station to let them know what’s going on. Instead of listening to the only kid who has survived more than two of these movies, Garris locked Tommy up and took the Mayor-from-Jaws approach by vehemently denying a monstrous threat until it literally snuck up and bit (or chopped) him in the ass.
Making matters worse, it turned out that Sheriff Garris’ detective skills were crap. He actually went to Jason’s grave and thought it was undisturbed even though it had CLEARY just been filled back in. Later in the film, Jason literally bends him over backwards, snapping his back in two. Oddly, that’s the closest his head had ever been to his ass even though many would swear it had been up there the whole movie.
16. Ethel Hubbard (Friday the 13th: A New Beginning)
Ethel Hubbard is a real piece of work. It’s one thing to be obnoxiously loud and mean to your own adult son (who she calls a dildo at least once), but Ethel Hubbard from A New Beginning went out of her way to be a complete asshole to a bunch of kids trying to find peace at Pinewoods Halfway House. So overpoweringly awful is she that when she finally met her end by way of a clever to the head, a collective cheer went up in HorrorLand.
15. Ali, Fox & Loco (Friday the 13th Part III)
On one hand, we understand biker punks Ali, Fox and Loco wanting to rob Shelly from Friday the 13th Part III. That guy’s the worst on a dozen different levels, plus he smashed into their bikes in a surprising act of bravado. But these three yahoos, still made the foolish decision to follow Shelly and Vera back to the house where they siphoned gas from a van in order to set the barn on fire. In a show of territoriality, Jason killed Loco and Fox before they could commit arson and then went a few rounds with Ali. Ali even earned some bonus points by popping up later in an attempt to fight Jason again, but got stabbed to oblivion for his efforts.
14. The Government (Jason X)
If you asked any sane person what to do with Jason Voorhees after finally capturing the legendary killer, they’d suggest burning, sinking or freezing him immediately. What did the government do when that very thing happened in Jason X? They say they tried to kill him, but all we saw was a supernatural mass murderer being held in a big dark room with chains and watched by one guy. Of course, certain elements want to experiment on him to find out how he keeps coming back.
Well, you can imagine how that worked: Jason mysteriously got free, killed a bunch of people and wound up getting frozen so that a bunch of dumb kids in the future could find him and accidentally take him off-planet. We’re all for scientific exploration, but when it comes to super-slashers, dip them in cement and shoot them into the sun.
13. Trent (Friday the 13th remake)
The 2009 remake of Friday the 13th was surprisingly not terrible. The same can’t be said for resident asshole Trent, though. This guy inexplicably invited a group of people he seemed to either hate or not know at all to his parents’ expensive place on Crystal Lake for the kind of weekend activities that get kids killed in horror movies. After being an asshole to Jared Padalecki’s Clay who was just looking for his missing sister, this genius got his hands on his daddy’s gun and started blasting through walls like Dirty Harry. Instead of acing Jason, though, he did pop the girl he just had sex with. Sure, she was probably already dead, but still not a good move.
Seeing him scream after a girl got dropped on the hood of the car is pretty satisfying, but it doesn’t hold a candle to Jason running him through with his trusty machete, lifting him up off the ground and lodging him onto the back of a fleeing tow truck.
12. Charles McCulloch (Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan)
Older dudes in Friday movies tend to have one thing on their mind: proving that the young lady who has some strange connection to Jason is making everything up. Charles McCulloch from Jason Takes Manhattan definitely falls into that category. At first he just seems over-protective and ageist towards the young, but we eventually learn that he threw his niece and eventual final girl Rennie into Crystal Lake even after she told him that Jason was still down there. He even tried to take credit for saving her life after that bit of genius-level thinking backfired. Huh, terrifying kids in water is a bad idea? Whodda thunk it.
Back in the movie’s present, this guy can’t even give credit to a couple of teenagers who successfully navigate a rowboat to a New York City harbor – because he doesn’t like the spot. Finally, after irritating audiences for most of the movie, Chuck encountered Jason, who promptly threw him out of a second story window and then drowned him in a garbage can filled with what looked like the ooze that turned Melvin into the Toxic Avenger.
11. Tamara Mason (Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan)
McCulloch might have made a few mistakes in the name of trying to help Rennie, but his fellow Jason Takes Manhattan star Tamara was evil to the core. Maybe she didn’t slice anyone’s head off, but she pressured her friend into trying some blow and even shoved Rennie – who has an understandable fear of the water, go figure – off of a moving boat. That’s attempted murder, you guys! As if all that wasn’t enough, she manipulated nerdy film geek Wayne and even tried to awkwardly seduce and blackmail McCulloch, who rebuked her. Sensing her awfulness, Jason sought her out while she showered, punched through the wall and made short work of her with a glass shard.
10. Vic Faden (Friday the 13th: A New Beginning)
This might sound a little crazy considering the content of this list, but sometimes you need to display a little patience for your fellow human beings. Unfortunately for candy bar enthusiast and Pinewoods Halfway House guest Joe, Vic didn’t have much of any in A New Beginning. We get that Joey was overbearing and annoying, but that didn’t mean Vic had to chop him to death with an axe in the middle of the yard while everyone looked on.
In an odd departure for the series, Vic doesn’t meet his end at the end of Jason’s machete or someone else’s vengeance-driven sense of morality. Making matters worse, this bit of insanity wound up inspiring a copycat killer who went on his own killing spree and got his own place on the list.
9. Freddy Krueger (Freddy vs. Jason)
Some say it takes a slasher to kill a slasher, but in Freddy Krueger’s case it took a slasher to help rejuvenate one of his fellow killers. In Freddy vs. Jason, the sweater-loving child murderer plucked Jason out of hell and put him on a path for Elm Street in order to start scaring the kids again. This would increase their fear to give Freddy a foothold in the real world and regain his strength. Sure, it’s actually a pretty imaginative plan for a psych, but Freddy didn’t get off easy for reawakening Jason or playing off of his understandably water-based nightmares. In fact, the masked killer does quite a number on Freddy for a good chunk of the film’s conclusion which gave many a fans the knock-down, drag-out fight they wanted from the meeting of two titanic franchises.
8. Hoods (Friday the 13th Park VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan)
Jason Takes Manhattan is just full of awful people. After surviving Jason on a yacht and rowing to NYC, final girl Rennie and her fellow survivors just start to feel safe when two hoods come out of nowhere, take their money and leave with Rennie in tow. Back in their alley, one shoots her up with heroin and is about to assault her while the other took a walk. Luckily Jason came along and got to play hero for a few moments, shoving a syringe through the main offender’s back (and out through his chest) before getting shot several times by his partner in crime. To that, Jason responded by smashing the second guy’s face through a pipe.
7. Robert Campbell (Jason Goes To Hell)
Robert Campbell, the TV reporter from Jason Goes To Hell, is a grade-A a skeezeball lacking all journalistic integrity. He started dating Jessica, a young single mother, just so he could get close to her mother Diane, who happens to be Jason’s sister (this movie is way too complicated). That would be enough to earn him a spot on the list, but then he decided to steal Diane’s corpse in an attempt to make his story more interesting. We hope it hurt when the Jason-slug-thing rammed itself inside of him and transformed him into a plodding maniac. The best thing Robert Campbell did in the whole film was get possessed, head on over to the diner and off Joey B. and her awful family.
6. Shelly (Friday The 13th Part III)
Shelly might be one of the most insufferable characters in the entire Friday the 13th franchise and he’s not even a villain. This insecure goober constantly played tricks on his friends to the point where they lost all sense of danger which aided Jason in his killing spree. He’s also the reasons the trio of bikers showed up at the cabin, though as detailed above, they didn’t wind up doing much damage.
But, Shelly’s biggest sin is bringing along that damn hockey mask. Up to this point in the series, Jason was a mutated little boy and then a bag-wearing weirdo. It wasn’t until he picked up Shelly’s hockey mask that a simple piece of sports equipment morphed into the thing of nightmares. Thanks a lot for that, slick. Jason expressed his clear sense of poetic justice, by slitting Shelly’s throat and allowing him to stumble back into the cabin where his friend snickered at what she though was another dumb stunt. Serves ya’ right, Shelly.
5. Tommy Jarvis (Friday the 13th Park VI: Jason Lives)
How can Tommy Jarvis, the kid who survived more Friday the 13th films than anyone else, make the list, you ask? By being an irresponsible, Jason-reviving dummy, that’s why. Tommy scored major points in The Final Chapter by co-opting Jason’s look, confusing the killer and hacking him up with his own machete. He even did alright against Faux Jason in A New Beginning. And then he had to go and ruin his track record in Jason Lives by not waiting a day or so to go through with his plan to cremate Jason’s corpse.
At the beginning of the film, he and Hoshack decide to dig the body up, douse it with gasoline and burn it to ash. The trouble was that it started storming like crazy. At the same time, Tommy lost his cool and stabbed Jason’s body with a piece of metal gate for no good reason. You can probably see where this is going. The lightning hits the rod and up comes Jason, back from the dead, charged and ready to kill. We appreciate Tommy’s good intentions here, but would it have killed him to wait until the weather was less Franeknstein-y? Like his A New Beginning co-star Vic, Tommy isn’t actually killed on screen, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t deserve it.
4. Dr. Crews (Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood)
If it hasn’t become clear yet, we’re not big fans of adult characters who terrorize children in order to further their own motives. Dr. Crews from The New Blood fits perfectly in this category, though he’s not the worst of the bunch (keep reading for that one). Anyway, Dr. Crews is Tina Shepard’s shrink. Tina has psychokinetic powers which manifested at a young age when she killed her abusive father on Crystal Lake. To really mess Tina up, Crews takes her and her mom back to the place of her ultimate personal tragedy in order to spark her powers and figure out a way to use them for his own benefit. Meanwhile, he threatens to put Tina in an institution any time her mom raises a question about the treatment.
In the process of exploring her abilities, Tina wound up waking Jason up, and the cycle of teen murder started all over again. Dr. Crews avoided death by knife-on-a-stick only to get presumably eviscerated by Jason’s weed whacker from hell.
3. Roy Burns (Friday the 13th: A New Beginning)
Most people know that Jason wasn’t the main killer in the original Friday the 13th, but fewer remember that he also didn’t participate in Friday the 13th Part V: A New Beginning. This film found Tommy Jarvis and his fellow halfway house residers tormented by a man named Roy Burns who decided to dress up like Jason and take these kids out. Why? Well, it turned out that he was secretly Joey’s father, and seeing his son’s corpse wigged him out. But, instead of actually going after his son’s murderer – Vic from #10 – this guy decided to pop on a somewhat similar hockey mask and kill the kids who seemed genuinely upset about his son’s death. Also, maybe he should have been a better father, just saying.
2. Professor Lowe (Jason X)
You don’t have to look too hard for deplorable human beings in the Friday the 13th films, but finding one who helped doom not only his immediate companions but a whole new planet is a bit harder. Until you watch Jason X and meet Professor Lowe, that is. This guy’s Earth-exploring crew of students accidentally brought Jason’s frozen corpse on board their ship (not his fault). However, after doing some research, Prof. Lowe discovers who Jason is and decides to not tell his students. His plan: take Jason to their planet and sell his corpse to a collector.
What actually happened? Jason got infused with healing nanobots, killed most of the crew and wound up on another planet where he surely cut a swath of destruction the likes of which he only dreamed before. Good work, prof! His eventual decapitation was cheer-worthy, but probably not enough considering the grievous nature of his crimes against living things the galaxy over.
1. Pamela Voorhees (Friday the 13th)
So who can be worse than a guy who unleashed Jason on an unsuspecting planet? How about the woman who made him that way in the first place: Jason’s mom, Mrs. Pamela Voorhees. She blamed campers in Friday the 13th for letting her son die, but even she said, “He should have been watched. Every minute!” Here’s an idea, don’t let your evil-infused kid run around without supervision! Here’s another: don’t entrust him to the care of a bunch of asshole teenagers in the first place!
We get it: being a parent is hard, especially when you’ve got yourself a demon spawn in the making. You want to get away and take pride in your work, but parental responsibilities don’t transfer for other people just because you get gig cooking for campers. Don’t pawn him off on kids and then go on some psychopathic revenge missions against people who had nothing to do with your son’s supposed death and dozens of lives could have been saved!
In conclusion, no one deserved being decapitated by a teenage girl more than Pamela Voorhees.