I love the press releases I get sometimes, Really, I do.
Hi Luke–have you ever wanted to know how to say “Sugar Tits,” “Cum Dumpster,” or “Douche Canoe” in sign language? How about choice phrases like “Do You Spit or Swallow?,” “Can You Tie Me up?,” or “Blow Me”?
It’s like you read my mind. Because if I ever get pulled over by a deaf cop, I want to do the Mel Gibson spiel word for word. I’m pretty sure said cop would know I was making a reference and being ironic.
These outrageous phrases and many more can be found in SUPER SMUTTY SIGN LANGAUGE by Kristin Henson (St. Martin’s Griffin; on sale 10/8), the perfect guide to signing over 350 dirty words, sex terms, truly obscene insults, and unabashedly absurd colloquial phrases.
I hope it tells me what “Douche Canoe” actually means. I’m having trouble figuring out how you’d use…that…to wash…that. Even figuratively.
Inspired by the YouTube sensation “Dirty Signs with Kristin,” which has over 1.5 million views and counting, and features instructive animated graphics on every page, SUPER SMUTTY SIGN LANGUAGE teaches the teenage boy in all of us how to covertly say:
? Do I Make You Want to Cream Your Panties?
? Shut Up and Suck It Already!
? Less Talk, More Anal
? I Want to Mushroom Stamp Your Face
? You’re Hung Like a Hamster! (Maybe It’s a Really Big Hamster? Hooray!)
That last one’s a head-scratcher. Like, what sort of fake-out “Hey I just insulted you! Psych! No, I really didn’t” joke is that? It’s not funny, and it’s (I presume) a lot of words to sign just to take back what you’re signing anyway.
The others, though, are crucial phrases I use every day, or will from now on. Especially the mushroom one.
P.S. This is a COMPLETELY serious email. Here’s the jacket cover to prove it!
You know, there are many times when I wonder if publicists sending me stuff have any idea what kind of site they’re actually pitching to. Not in this case.
After the jump, a video of the author demonstrating how to sign the phrase “Semen Werewolf.” Which was my nickname in college, coincidentally*.
*in a parallel universe.