Silly me. When Mattel recently put together their own in-house production company to control their own movie output the way Hasbro has, I thought maybe they’d finally do something with their one big ’80s brand that’s on a par with G.I. Joe and Transformers. Yep, Masters of the Universe.
(Lest you think that’s just my fandom talking – Variety, in reporting the news, put He-Man on their cover alongside a MOTU pun. So, natural assumption.)
Instead, they just hired Josh Schwartz & Stephanie Savage (both of The OC and Gossip Girl) to write a movie script based on Monster High, their classic-monsters-meets-Bratz line that will presumably answer the age-old question of what Frankenstein girls wear to their prom. If they do it animated, it could be oka…What? Live-action? Because the Bratz translated so well to the big screen?
Now, that doesn’t mean it’ll actually ever happen. But with Jon Chu finally bailing on Masters of the Universe, I have to ask a variation on the Wonder Woman question we always ask DC:
Hasbro can make motherfucking BATTLESHIP, yet a movie about muscular warriors fighting for the fate of the universe is somehow too tricky for you?
Call me, Mattel. I’ve had a fanfic script lying around for years. No blowjobs in it, I promise.