A WWE Superstars comic came out Wednesday and, well, just read John Cena’s bio, above. Then realizes that it opens with him in a prison cell, and the following interior monologue:
“You can’t see me. They hid me away. Took my badge. Stole a year of my life. Now they say I’ll be released. Why bother?”
Those last two sentences should be uttered by the comic book itself, which we will assume is sentient, even though all available evidence suggests it’s also brain-dead.
Written by Mick Foley, who I’d expect more from, it’s a weird attempt to do a PG version of Sin City with wrestlers. The city is called Titan City, owned by the McMahons. Alberto Del Rio is District Attorney, Zeb Colter is a prison warden, Undertaker is a tattoo artist who doesn’t take sides, and Christian is a police captain. Almost every other major superstar is crammed into the first issue somehow, whether it makes sense or not, with all of them looking for a lost suitcase full of money…a.k.a. “Money in the Bank.” And when any of them fight, whatever setting we were in suddenly becomes a wrestling ring.
How’s the artwork? You tell me:
No, when I want my WWE to get absurd, I’m thinking Cena should wrestle a giant demon-bear with Doomsday-like rib-bone protrusions, and Scooby-Doo should spout the Rock’s catchphrases. Thank the Greater Power, this is actually happening: