Daily Lists, Movies

The 10 Hottest Scenes From SXSW’s Sexiest Movies


Sasha Grey is terrorized in Open Windows

I was in Austin all week for the South by Southwest film and interactive festival, and maybe going without sleep for a whole week has given me a dirty mind, but let’s face it, I’m not above T&A. If you’ve never been to a film festival, well, it can be better than watching late night Skinemax. A lot of indie filmmakers think showing lots of tits is a way to be get noticed…and they’re right! Look at me: I’m writing a whole list of all the best sex scenes in SXSW movies.

A few of the scenes I picked don’t have full nudity, but the naughty ideas are so good you can use your imagination. I left off the new Sasha Grey movie, Open Windows, because her nude scene involves blackmail, stalking and violence so I wouldn’t want to call that sexy. Plus, who hasn’t seen Sasha Grey naked already? Make note of all of these titles, because once they come out on DVD or VOD, you can watch them in the privacy of your own and what you do with them when no-one else is looking is none of my business.

10. Human Sponge in Big in Japan

Big in Japan
Tennis Pro performs in Big in Japan

Big in Japan is a fairly innocent comedy about a real life band named Tennis Pro who get offered gigs in Japan. They share a communal boarding house with a woman who may or may not be a prostitute, but we’ll never know because she doesn’t speak English.

The sexy part is a little too quick, but you do see some boobies. The Tennis Pro boys end up in a bathhouse where women perform a service called human sponge. This means they take off all their clothes, soap themselves up and rub themselves on the customer. Nothing says clean like soapy boobies!

9. All the Dry Parts in Wetlands

WETLANDS (2013) Trailer from Richard Lormand on Vimeo.

There’s a lot of graphic nudity in this German movie, but it’s so gross that I’m leaving it near the top of the list. That clearly won’t get everyone off, but you never know. Some people will be into it. It’s like somebody finally made the German Scheisse film from South Park, but the girl in it is so cute it’s still kinda hot sometimes.

Helen (Carla Juri) is a highly sexual girl who collects and saves all her bodily fluids, including pus from her anal sores and her boyfriends’ semen. When she gets an anal fissure from shaving her a-hole, she tries to Parent Trap her divorced parents by making them visit her together in the hospital. I’m not selling this, am I? It’s full of weird fantasy imagery and nothing is off limits sexually. Just beware if you’re squeamish.

8. Groundhog Day Sex in Premature


Most teen sex comedies have a hot girl that the hero gets one shot with. Well, in Premature he gets shot after shot after shot until he can stop prematurely ejaculating. Yes, Premature is a Groundhog Day style teen sex comedy, only the clock resets every time he cums.

Rob (John Karna) gets his chance with the school babe Angela (Carlson Young) when a study date turns into Angela seducing Rob. If not for Rob’s little problem, he would have scored. Luckily, the day keeps repeating so he can practice his moves with Angela. Young is a hot little discovery, and don’t worry, she’s legal. She’s only playing a high schooler.

In Groundhog Day, Bill Murray complained that he didn’t get to relive the day he had great sex on the beach. Well, it’s not quite paradise, but Rob does get to relive the day he loses his virginity. Hmm, now that I say that out loud, that’s not exactly my ideal sexual performance either, but it’s a hilarious comedy and a hot babe.

7. Mark Duplass Takes a Bath in Creep

Mark Duplass is a Creep

To keep this list fair and balanced, you see Mark Duplass’s ass in Creep. He plays a weirdo who’s hired a videographer to document his final days before cancer will consume him, to make a video diary for his unborn child. If that sounds sweet, be sure to remember that the movie is called Creep.

In attempting to record an open-ended video of giving his future son a bath, Duplass drops his pants and gets in the tub. We even see his a little bit of his pubes, but the pants don’t drop low enough to risk earning the film an NC-17. I actually thought Creep sucked – it’s just another lousy found-footage movie with cheap scares – but hey, if there’s nudity, I’ve got to do my job and finish this list.

6. Frat Party/Suburban Sex in Neighbors


Neighbors is the big studio comedy coming out this summer with Seth Rogen and Zac Efron. Efron plays a fraternity house president who moves next door to Rogen’s family, who have a newborn baby. There is some wild college party action with gratuitous nudity, just like in the good old days, but also some edgy fornication with Rogen and his hot wife played by Rose Byrne.

First, Byrne and Rogen try to have spontaneous sex but the baby keeps staring at them, which rightfully freaks Rogen out. Once the battle with Efron begins, they get caught having sex in their living room with the entire fraternity watching through the window. Now, these are major Hollywood stars with no-nudity clauses in their contracts, but we see a lot of leg in flexible sexual positions.

There is one unbelievable “nude” scene I won’t spoil, that involves prosthetic private parts – but what happens with them is pretty bold on Byrne’s part. Let’s just say, when compared to Leslie Mann’s CGI boobs in The Change-Up, Neighbors proves that old school practical makeup is better.

5. The Picture From Ukraine Is Not a Brothel


I actually didn’t get a chance to see this documentary, but there’s already nudity in the film program. Ukraine is Not a Brothel is about a topless feminist group called Femen. Before films begin at SXSW, they show slides of all the films in the festival with synopses and the same photos from the film program, so every time Ukraine is Not a Brothel comes around, we see some blonde Ukrainian babes with their boobs out for all to see, holding protest signs.

I mean, last year at SXSW I saw the documentary Fuck for Forest about a group that puts on sex shows to raise money and awareness for deforestation. So I guess there’s one every year. Let’s support Femen and the important work they are doing both at home and abroad.

4. Roger Corman Film Clips in That Guy Dick Miller


Dick Miller has been in over 100 movies and TV shows, and SXSW premiered a documentary about his life and work. Since Miller was in so many Roger Corman movies, plenty of the film clips feature gratuitous nudity from Corman’s low budget exploitation movies. You’ve got women changing their tops while Miller drives them in a getaway car, jungle women taking their tops off and all the gratuitous nudity we can thank Corman for.

You’ve definitely seen Dick Miller in movies before, even if you don’t know his name, and later on, we’re going to bring you a full list of Miller’s 10 best roles. It’s funny, his wife Lanie still gets jealous when the filmmakers ask Dick about the scenes with naked women. They’ve even got the scene from Demon Knight where the demon tempts him with a bevy of booberific babes.

3. Skype Sex in The Heart Machine

Jeong Park
Kate Lyn Sheil in The Heart Machine

Skype is something films are going to be dealing with a lot more now that it is a regular part of our lives and relationships, just like they’ve had to adapt to cell phones ruining horror movies and texting eliminating dialogue. The Heart Machine may be the first Skype sex scene in a major non-porno movie, so it’s an important precedent for cinema. It helps that I have a huge crush on Kate Lyn Sheil, but John Gallagher, Jr. is pretty revealing if anyone is a Newsroom fan.

Sheil plays Virginia, a woman having a long distance relationship with Cody (Gallagher), only it’s not long-distance at all. He figures out she lives in the same city. That’s not quite a Catfish, because it’s really her, but it’s weird. While keeping up the charade, Virginia and Cody have Skype sex, with a topless shot of Virginia on the computer screen, and a rearal shot of Cody lying in bed, er, topping himself off, as it were.

2. Time Sex in The Infinite Man


This isn’t necessarily a graphic one, but it’s such the perfect combination of uber sci-fi and our sleaziest thoughts that it’s the number one sex scene of SXSW. Dean (Josh McConville) has invented a time machine and uses it to save his relationship with Lana (Hannah Marshall). But, when he goes back in time and has sex with her, his past self gets jealous.

The Infinite Man is a classy film, so the sex scene is filmed tastefully. They’re clearly doing it, but we mainly see their backs and faces. Admit it,though, we’ve all thought about this. Frankly, some of us have thought of going back in time and fucking ourselves, let alone our ex-girlfriends. We probably never thought about making our past selves jealous, so that’s kind of a mindfuck, but let’s all thank The Infinite Man for exploring our greatest sci-fi fantasies. This was also on my main Top 10 List for SXSW because it’s really a great movie.

1. Topless Beach in Fort Tilden

Fort Tilden won the Narrative Grand Jury Prize at SXSW, but probably not for the reason it’s number one in my book. It’s a comedy about two New York girls, Harper (Bridey Elliott) and Allie (Clare McNulty) who are trying to get to Fort Tilden beach to hook up with some guys. I think they’re already trying too hard. All they had to do was invite the guys over to their place and save the trip.

Well, getting to Fort Tilden is full of comic misadventures. Allie and Harper are broke so they try to get there on the cheap, but every step of the way they botch it and get into more trouble. When they finally get to Fort Tilden (not a spoiler, it’s the title of the damn movie), the entire third act of the movie is an extended topless scene.

When Harper and Allie arrive, the boys are already with two other topless girls, one of whom has the most magnificent natural rack I’ve seen since the “stupendous” girl in the Friday the 13th remake. Then, to keep the guys’ attention, Allie and Harper go au naturel too. It’s a good movie, worthy of the award, and if you like the girls in the clip embedded above, you have a lot to look forward to in Fort Tilden. Lest anyone think I’m sexist for writing this list at all, I want to tell Elliott and McNulty I celebrate you both and appreciate your service to cinema.

Previously By Fred Topel

The 10 Nerdiest Things At SXSW 2014

The Top 10 Geekout Moments Of Sundance 2013

The 10 Geekiest Moments Of The TCAs

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