Cartoons, Toys, TV

Cockmasters! The ’80s Action Figure Line That Never Existed (or Did It?)

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cockmasters.jpg

The satire may be lost on kids who don’t remember the ’80s, but literally, the way toy lines worked back then was that somebody would think up a gimmick – aliens riding dinosaurs, things that change color, skeletons that turn into vehicles, etc. – and then a usually feeble attempt to wrap a storyline around it to form a barely animated show would ensue.

A line of hero and villain figures with guns popping out of their crotch isn’t just feasible; there was one that actually kinda-sorta happened. Yep, lest you thought this was a stretch, Toy Biz actually made a Punisher figure with a crotch rocket…who also transformed into a gun that fired out his ass. Let’s see Disney turn THAT into a movie.

Meanwhile, yeah…fun fake commercial.


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