“What is ‘Three People Who’ve Ruined Childhoods,’ Alex?”
–Friday the 13th was a series once before, but weirdly, it had nothing whatsoever to do with the movies besides the name, as it focused on the finding of haunted antiques. This time around, Friday the 13th is taking a page out of the books of Hannibal and Bates Motel, focusing on the Voorhees family and the people of Crystal Lake in multiple time periods. Just in case you don’t get your fix of hockey masks, blood and guts from, y’know, actual hockey.
-John Malkovich. Artery slashing. Silly English accent. I already like this Blackbeard better than the one in Pirates of the Caribbean 4. Even if he doesn’t have an actual black beard.
-And here’s The Last Ship, in which Michael Bay ends the world with a virus, but still fantasizes that Americans and Russians will be shooting at one another afterwards and yelling “Yeah, baby!” like Austin Powers. Unusually for Bay, it seems to feature a female protagonist (Rhona Mitra) who isn’t in her 20s.