Weekend Hangover 4-28-14: 20 Stories You Might Have Missed

I don’t know why I didn’t think of this before. It was silly to leave the weekend recap to the middle of the day, and the Hangover was basically kind of a list anyway. So now I’m combining the weekend recap and the first list of the week into one. The downside is that a rare few weekends will do without the Hangover, but the upside is that freelance money will be liberated to do a bit more…something I’ll elaborate on as weeks go by.

As always, these tips were compiled with the help of Kyle LeClair, and tipsters for this week include: Anyone00, Dr.Gonzo82, SlyDante777, donnaryoko, troi, Gallen_Dugall, jaganar, skrag2112

1. The Inevitable Justice League Grudging Admittance.

After WB cast a guy as Cyborg, and we basically dared them to admit that Batman vs. Superman would be a Justice League movie…they finally admitted that Justice League would be the next movie after that. And in case you got your hopes up, they also said Zack Snyder will direct.

2. Starfucks and Casting, Makin’ Syrup of Jem.

The Jem movie sounds less and less like anything resembling the show, as the plot gets a drastic rewrite and the significant black character lightens up in the wrong way, apparently.

If it’s “truly outrageous,” it may be in the wrong way too.

3. Spider-Tank, Spider-Tank, No Marc Webb so No Spider-Stank.

A newly revealed Watch_Dogs mini-game puts you in charge of a spider-tank, which is only slightly less reckless than putting Sony in charge of Spider-Man.

4. Angel Eyes Valhalla.

Nail Gaiman/Todd McFarlane created character Angela will be retconned in the Marvel universe as Thor and Loki’s sister, which is weird considering her origins as a hellspawn slayer (albeit one who occasionally fucks her prey) from a twisted Christian universe.

Maybe she switched universes once she figured out that Jesus doesn’t approve of her being so scantily clad.

5. E.T. Not Phony, Homes.

The long-held rumor about Atari burying the E.T. game for being so bad…turned out to be true. Unfortunately, the one about Steven Spielberg CGI’ing guns into walkie-talkies is also still true.

6. He Is Whizpoppin’.

Speaking of Steven Spielberg, he now apparently wants his next project to be the extended fart joke known as Roald Dahl’s The BFG. At least the flatulence will be blatant this time.

7. Still More True to Comic Than the Movie?

The big Spider-Verse comic crossover will have every Spider-Man permutation allowable, including the What If… bullet-firing version above, and the Electric Company Spidey. What it won’t have? The movie versions.

8. For Homer Simpson, on Jury Duty…

Can’t show emotions? Let your glasses do the eye expressions for you.

Because that’s so much less creepy than a guy who has trouble showing emotions.

9. Nuclear Soap.

For those times when you need some washing of ass disruption, here’s the glow-in-the-dark soap you’ve been craving. Not hard to find either, if you ever want a dictator to give up his.

10. Great Danes.

All of Denmark recreated in Minecraft. Who would Dane to do such a thing?

11. Hello Kitty, Bye Bye Sanity.

Hello Kitty is such an all-purpose brand that she has teamed with the likes of Kiss, Japanese pro-wrestling and Playboy. But allowing Avril Lavigne to do a song about her is maybe one step too far.

12. Neon Genesis…Convoy?

We don’t really know what the Evangelion/Transformers crossover is going to be yet. But if all it is is a purple and green Optimus Prime, some will be sufficiently happy.

13. Mystery? Sigh and See it Here, Three Thousandfold.

As excited as many of you are getting…the fact that Joel Hodgson wants to resurrect Mystery Science Theater 3000 does not, in fact, mean that he actually will. But there’s hope.

14. Crouching Penis, Hidden Lizard.

In case you wanted to know where Dr. Abraxas has been lately…

15. SpongeBob RealismPants.

You mean to say SpongeBob wasn’t scientifically accurate already? Man, am I blindsided.

16. Die, Die My Darling.

Sometimes chance needs a helping hand. This one-sided die should do it.

17. Hover Crafting.

You could go see the late Paul Walker’s mediocre parkour movie, or you could fund this alien game version on Kickstarter.

18. Bunker Down.

If Vladimir Putin isn’t the majority shareholder in these, he should be.

19. What They Really Wanna Do Is Direct.

Even leopards aren’t immune to the seduction of Hollywood.

20. Robot Dinosaur!

RAAAR! But cutely.