With May the 4th yesterday, the weekend was buzzing with Star Wars-related goodness – so much so that you may have missed a few things less Force-fully presented.
As always, we’re here to rectify that. With the assistance of compiler Kyle LeClair, here are some of the stories you may have missed over the weekend. Tipsters include: Gallen_Dugall, SlyDante777, troi, Rx79immigrant84, jaganar, rkwsuperstar
17. I Came, I Chainsaw, I Conquered (Not in That Order).
You could actually spend your money, or you could put it towards a 2D horror fighting game.
16. Shine Tingling.
Nothing screams “I’M SANE AS FUCK!” like a ski mask with the same pattern as the carpet in The Shining.
15. Part Robo. Part Artist. All Roboartist.
And its first sample is Heath Ledger in Joker makeup. Not sure what that says for the sanity of machines.
14. Milky, Milky, Joy, Joy.
John Kricfalusi animates a milkshake machine, presumably because powdered toast machines STILL have yet to be invented.
13. Spray It, Don’t Say It.
Your degrees in nuclear engineering are insignificant compared to the water-power of these fully armed and operational Super Soakers.
12. News to Crush Your Head.
The Kids in the Hall are doing a mini-tour. That only means one thing for my emotions…
11. Chicken Cock Cherry Bounce Whiskey.
Drink carefully, because if you choke on it nobody will ever take your obituary seriously.
10. The King of Pong: A Fistful of Bottles.
Recycle a Coke bottle, play a game of Pong in return.
Never use a Coke bottle, keep your teeth longer.
Which one’s the better deal? Hmmmmm…I’m still thinking…
9. Urban Warfare.
Karl Urban’s optimistic about a Dredd sequel.
But apparently he never talked to his producer – and Hot Topic’s #1 customer.
8. Stomp ’em Gundam Style.
Giant robots don’t exactly sneak, but Gundam sneakers can be worn on your feet.
7. Orange You Glad I Didn’t Say…Too Late!
Tomato cherry and carrot orange are two new ice cream flavors launched by Haagen-Dasz in Japan. Frankly, for Japan, that’s tame. Like, I totally expect “Moist Vagina” or “Smegma” to be part of their dessert flavor lineups already.
6. Watermelon Gushers.
Watermelon juice is found to increase the likelihood of boners.
Gallagher’s head explodes as he realizes how much he wasted.
5. Leatherface Lush Life.
You don’t have to be from Texas, nor in need of human barbecue, to use a chainsaw for satiating bodily urges. Just lacking a bottle opener, and boasting a really delicate touch.
4. Flaying With Yourself.
Human skin can now be used to create sperm. So if you rub yourself anywhere, you might be rubbing one off and not even knowing it.
3.Digging on the Dirt.
The military wants to build a stealth dirt bike that makes hardly any noise.
For once, I approve of where my tax dollars might go. Promise to make every asshole who revs his throttle before noon trade in for one of these, and you can up my tax bracket all you like, Uncle Sam. Do the same for stealth leaf blowers and lawnmowers, and you’ll have the state of California in the bag next election.
2.The Dali Planet.
Salvador Dali’s cookbook was perhaps less appetizing as food preparation template than as art. Unless you’ve ever felt a craving for Goosey Crawdads a la Toothbrush.
1. Kev ‘N Kneelin’.
Spacey. The final frontier.
These are the voyages of the Call of Duty series. It’s ongoing mission: to entice new gamers. To seek out new life, in predictable situations. To boldly go where some games have gone before…slightly differently.