Yes, next January, Snickers is coming out with a variant bar that drops the nougat and contains just caramel and peanuts. They want you to pick the name, but are clearly aware enough that there’s much which can go wrong with the word “nuts,” they’ve limited it to five preselected choices:
1. Snickers Go Nuts. As in, “I have a couple of Snickers Go Nuts in my pants. What? I’m just talking about two delicious new candy bars!”
2. Snickers Xtreme. If I have to tell you why this is wrong, we are apparently communicating through a wormhole and you live in the year 1990.
3. Snickers #Morenuts. Oh dear god. A hashtag in a candy bar name. This reminds me of when they used to put the prefix “Cyber-” on everything, including apple juice.
4. Snickers Nuts Galore. I assume Nuts is the brother of Pussy Galore, and appears in a gay porn version of Goldfinger.
5. Snickers Nuts! Nice exclamation point. I guess.
6. Pay Day. (Just kidding about this one.)
I think we can all do better than these choices, don’t you? Give it a shot.