Reality appears to be folding back on itself in The B-Team, which sounds like a cross between JCVD and MacGruber. Baywatch cast members including David Hasselhoff, Pamela Anderson, Alexandra Paul, Jaason Simmons and others will play themselves, as the cast of a popular TV show secretly working undercover for the CIA to foil the plans of a dastardly villain played by John Cleese. “There are mentions of rehab and boob jobs and ages and The B-Team is a joke about B-List actors – it’s quite refreshing,” says director Chris Cottam, who has apparently never seen any parody movie ever, nor, perhaps, owns a dictionary with a workable definition of “refreshing” within its pages.
Because nobody involved bothered to actually procure the rights to Baywatch, one of the running jokes in the film will be that every mention of the show’s name will be drowned out by a sound effect, but if you ask Alexandra Paul: “We play ourselves so there are going to be assumptions the television show in question is the one we actually all were on. But no, it most definitely is not. It is not. Not. Shall I say that again?”
No, Alexandra. We never tuned in to Baywatch to hear anybody TALK, so let’s not start now. Anyway, you’ll be dubbed in German at the only theaters where this will sell out.