Because When You Think of the Odor of Love, You Think Cthulhu


?We’ve seen Cthulhu perfume before, but now the lunatics at ThinkGeek are in on the :
here is a place in the Pacific Ocean – the farthest place from land
on all sides. In the depths of this pole of inaccessibility a sunken
city sleeps. And in that city of R’lyeh, far below the waves and the
sunlight and the happiness, dreams the Great Cthulhu. And what does the
Great Malignant One dream about? Companionship. See, Cthulhu is in love
with love. And the Great One exudes a scent to attract lovers. Three
sailors went mad making sure this scent was bottled and shipped to our
warehouses. We think it was well worth it, though, because now we can
offer you Cthulhu in Love Perfume

Working with the brilliant scent-ologists at the Black Phoenix Alchemy
Lab (you know ’em; you love ’em), we are ever so proud to present this
unique and totally ThinkGeek Exclusive perfume. The scent is
intoxicating, described by its creators as “an amorphous mix of
oppressive, piceous ritual incense, macerated kelp, sea salt, sticky
dark ocean plants, and . . . mixed chocolates.” That means this is what
Cthulhu smells like when he wants to get it on. Seriously, you’re going
to adore the magic, ancient, sensual, and (dare we say) arousing scent
of Cthulhu in Love Perfume.

Seriously, even at $20, this is the worst idea ever. You want to wear a scent that the dark Elder Gods, the horrors at the end of imagination, find sexy? Why not make it easier on yourself, find a giant squid with a bad attitude and a penchant for sadism, and ask it to rape you? I guarantee it’ll still be more pleasant than if Cthulhu sees you and starts singing Flight of the Conchords’ “Business Time” song.