Cartoons, Nerdery

Fan Fiction Friday: My Little Ponies in “Mare’s Milk”



?You know what I like about Bronys? It’s that while they enjoy a cartoon primarily targeted to young girls, they aren’t necessarily perverts. They simply enjoy the show, realize there’s something inherently ridiculous about grown men enjoying a girl’s cartoon, and have turned it into its own little thing. While obviously there are more than a few people who enjoy taking MLP to its most perverse levels, I seldom see those people identify themselves as “Bronys. I haven’t taken a very close look, of course, as I have enough problems. Anyways, I just appreciate that, for the part, the Brony movement is seemingly benign.

Today’s story comes to us from a MLP fan whose love is by no means benign, by the name of Hotsauce. He has a small collection of stories at the My Little Pony Explicit Fan Fiction Archive (sigh), and I’ve had several people beg me to run oen of his tales on FFF, mostly because I’m under the impression the author cannot take any form of criticism at all. So be it!

“Oh, thank you so much
for looking after the Crusaders for me tonight, darling,” said Rarity.
“I simply had nopony else to turn to!”

“Oh, it’s no problem,” said Fluttershy. Rarity looked totally
flustered – the result of having to make a whole new ensemble for
Sapphire Shores overnight for her Ponyville concert after a dreadful
incident involving Ditzy Doo and a crate-load of hotsauce. “To be
honest, it’s been a little dull around here without Mac around…” The
Pegasus looked around at the inside of her treehouse. Without her
husband around, it WAS awfully quiet. Having the little Cutie Mark
Crusaders around would certainly liven the place up a little!

The only ponies you really need to know for the purposes of this story are Fluttershy, the off-yellow pegasus with pink hair pictured up top, who is pregnant in this little tale, and the “Cutie Mark Crusaders” Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom and Scootaloo, who are most notable for being underage ponies. Sigh.

Rarity sniffed. “That stallion! Out bucking apples while his wife is
with foal!” She shook her head. “Well, one must applaud him for his
dedication to his work, I suppose…”

Or applaud him for his lack of devotion to his wife! Whichever.

She walked up to where Fluttershy was reclining on her couch and
looked at her friend’s swollen tummy. At 36 weeks, it was not long until
Ponyville would be seeing a cute little addition to its population! She
looked up at her friend. “May I, darling?”

36 weeks is 252 days, or 8.4 months. A horse’s gestation period is around 340 days, meaning Hotsauce either mistakenly believes a horse has a baby at the same rate as a human, or — and this is infinitely more disturbing — that the fictional characters of My Little Pony would and should have a more human-like pregnancy cycle. The second possibility terrifies me to no end.

Fluttershy smiled softly at her. “Of course,” she said.

Rarity nuzzled her muzzle up against the Pegasus’s tummy, and she cooed soft, encouraging words to the foal curled up inside.

Encouraging words? What kind of encouraging words does a fetus need? “You’re doing a great job absorbing nutrients from that placenta, kid!”

Fluttershy stifled a gasp at the ticklish feelings that Rarity’s
breath was eliciting from her. She hadn’t told anypony, but for the past
few weeks she had been feeling increasingly… sexual. It was as if,
with the new little life developing inside her, her body had become
hyper sensitive, especially that place in between her haunches.

Specifically, the utility closet.

found herself getting sticky there involuntarily, and lately she’d been
throwing herself at Mac whenever he got back from Sweet Apple Acres –
but the stallion was becoming increasingly reluctant to make love: he
said that he was worried about the foal being injured.

“Seriously, Fluttershy, I’m a horse. I have an enormous horse dick. I’d end up poking that kid right in the eye.”

As a result,
Fluttershy was even more tense at the moment, and she blushed with
embarrassment that her friend’s breath was making her wet.

“Hey, Fluttershy’s baby! I seem to be arousing your mom just by talking to you, so here’s the most encouragement I can muster — you only have a 50% chance of turning out to be a sexual deviant like your mother. Those odds aren’t terrible…”

Seeing Fluttershy’s cheeks going red, Rarity stopped her cooing and
smiled. “Oh, I’m so sorry my dear. It’s just that… well, you’re quite
simply absolutely adorable with that big, swollen tummy of yours.” She
sighed. “Oh, it makes me wish for a little foal of my own… but then -“

As if on cue the three little Cutie Mark Crusaders burst into the room.


“Can we really, really stay here tonight Fluttershy?” asked Sweetie
Belle, jumping up onto the armchair, making it careen backwards onto the

“Oh, do be careful, Sweetie Be…” began Fluttershy.

“Oh wow!” said Apple Bloom, galloping up to Fluttershy and staring at her stomach. “Yer soooooo big now!”

“Apple Bloom! Be polite!” said Rarity, sternly.

“Do we really have to stay here?” muttered Scootaloo, staring around
the room with her forelegs crossed against her chest. “I wanted to hang
out with Rainbow Dash!”

“Now Scootaloo dear,” said Rarity. “You know that Rainbow Dash is scarcely the kind of role-model that you should ha…”

But by now the three Crusaders were running up the stairs in search
of more mischief, and Rarity sighed as she turned to Fluttershy who was
lying there. “Are you sure you can handle them, my dear? I know you have
the Stare and all, but I’m afraid that they might tire you out.”

“No, please, as a pregnant pony who can barely move I’d love to take care of three hyperactive, possibly retarded children. That’s exactly what I wanted to do today.”

Fluttershy shook her head. “Oh no, Rarity. I’ll have my own little
one running around the treehouse soon, so I need as much practice as I
can get. So please don’t worry.”

Rarity look unconvinced, but then she glanced at the clock on the
wall. “Oh Celestia! Is it already that late?!” She trotted over to
Fluttershy and kissed her on the cheek. “I must love you and leave you,
my dear. Fashion history will not make itself, I’m afraid!”

“Oh, good luck, Rarity,” whispered Fluttershy. “I’m sure that Sapphire Shores will love your new design…”

Rarity smiled. “Thank you my dear. But luck has nothing to do with
it!” And with a final “Ta ta!” she went out the door, shutting it behind

There was a sudden, sharp sound of something shattering from upstairs.

“Oh dear,” muttered Fluttershy.

I included this ever-so-lengthy section to prove that if nothing else, Hotsauce knows his shit when it comes to My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic. He knows the characters, knows their idiosyncrasies, has their dialogue down and everything, Whether this makes the following better or worse is up to you (hint: It makes it worse). Skipping ahead a little bit…

“Ah’ve got a better game!” said Apple Bloom suddenly. “Why don’t we try and work out what yer foal’s gonna be?”

It’s only one of two options, isn’t it? Seems like that would be a short game.

“Ooh!” said Sweetie Belle. “That’s an even better game! What do you think, Scootaloo?”

“Great idea! Let’s bust out the ultrasound machine!”

Scootaloo shrugged. Anything would be better than the lame game that
Fluttershy had suggested. “Yeah, sure, whatever,” she replied with a

Apple Bloom brought her muzzle up close to Fluttershy’s tummy and
shouted “Hellooooooo little niece or nephew! This is yer auntie Apple
Bloom speakin’! Can ya hear me in there?”

“Oh Apple Bloom,” said Fluttershy, “Please don’t shout so loud! You’ll wake the foal…”

What? “Wake the foal”? The one that’s in her stomach? That… that’s just… no.

“Sorry…” muttered the little rose-maned filly.

Sweetie Belle trotted up to the couch, an eager look on her naive
little unicorn face. “Can you stand up for a little while, ma’am?” she
asked. “I wanna try guessing as well!”

What the fuck is that going to do? It’s not like if the baby has a dick she’s going to limp a little or something.

“Me too!” said Scootaloo, suddenly interested. “I can’t see anything from down here!”

“Somebody get me a magnifying glass and that lady’s vagina!”

“Oh…o… ok,” said Fluttershy. She got up with difficulty and slowly
climbed off the couch, and quick as a flash she was surrounded by the
Cutie Mark Crusaders, all poking and nuzzling at her pendulous belly.
“Oh… but do be careful, girls! I… I’m a little ticklish.”

“Nah, does a colt sit forwards or backwards?” mused Apple Bloom, scratching her head with a forehoof.

“Aw, that’s just an old mare’s tale!” said Scootaloo, staring at Fluttershy’s swollen tummy with one eye.

“Is not!” cried Apple Bloom. “Granny Smith told me!” She got
underneath the pregnant Pegasus and ran her muzzle along the underside
looking for clues.

Maybe if she listens closely she can heat the foal rapping “EAT MY DICK” in Morse code against Fluttershy’s stomach.

Sweetie Belle chuckled. “But Granny Smith IS and old mare, Apple Bloom!”


Fluttershy stifled a giggle at the three little filly’s adorable
argument. Oh, it might be fun to have them try and guess what sex of
foal she was going to have!

Yes, what fun to have three idiotic children prod your pregnant belly for no discernible benefit whatsoever!

She’d been wondering for a long while now as
well… Twilight had suggested casting a spell that would let them see
the sex of the foal, but Mac hadn’t been happy with the idea: he wanted
it to be a surprise. But part of Fluttershy had wanted to know: it felt
so strange to have this little being inside her, and to imagine that one
day that he or she’d be a little pony like one of the three fillies in
her room right now.

Hopefully smarter, though.

At the thought of her foal, and at the poking and nuzzling of the
three little fillies around her belly and teats, Fluttershy suddenly
felt a warm rushing sensation beneath her tummy.

…aaaaannd ere we go.

Her breasts, which were
just as full and swollen as her belly was, had started to leak a little
milk recently -Fluttershy had been mortified, but Mac had told her that
it was totally natural.

MAC: KEEPER OF THE KNOWLEDGE OF THE LEAKY TEATS. Also, I know it’s technically true that horses have breasts — all mammals do — but generally don’t people call them “teats” and “teats” only? I’m really, really disturbed by the author saying My Little Ponies have breasts, but I also feel like I should be disturbed by this, right? Am I alone in this?

“Nah when Ah was a naughty young colt,” he’d told her as she mopped
at her wet teats with a warm washcloth. “and our ma had jus’ given birth
ta lil’ Apple Bloom, I used to annoy her by whispering Apple Bloom’s
name in her ear, and she’d have to rush into the bathroom on account of
she’d start leakin’ milk!”

“Ha ha! I was a freak.”

Fluttershy had been scandalised. “Oh, Macintosh! What a terrible thing to do to your mother!”

And Mac had blushed, in that adorable stallion way of his. “Well nah
remember, ‘Shy, I was jus’ a little colt and knew no better…”

“Plus, then I could yell out ‘There’s no use crying over spilled milk!’ Ha ha! Oh, I’d laugh and laugh… and then my father would beat me with a tire iron.”

But the same thing was happening now! She desperately tried to
concentrate on stopping it from happening, but it was too late. She felt
the tension in her breasts increase, and then a sudden feeling of
gushing relief mixed with shame as droplets of milk appeared at the end
of her teats.

“Hey, what’s that?” asked Sweetie, who was at that very moment
looking at Fluttershy’s breasts and about to ask why her “boobs” were so
big. “There’s white stuff coming out of your boobs, ma’am!”

Seriously, I’m totally creeped out. Mostly because I’m like 80% certain My Little Ponies have tits on their chests in Hotsuace’s head, as opposed to where they’re supposed to be located. Imagining My Little Ponies in sexual situations is bad, but imagining them in sexual situations while having human sex characteristics is much, much worse.

“That’s milk, applehead!” muttered Apple Bloom.

“Oh no, no!” squealed Fluttershy. “D… don’t look!”

“Milk?” Sweetie’s mouth opened wide in amazement and as she watched, a
single thick droplet became too heavy to stay attached to the end of
the teat and it fell off – right into her astonished little mouth! She
stumbled backwards in surprise, spluttering, and went to spit it out –
but it was too late. She’d already swallowed it.

“Also don’t taste! I guess I should have said that first, but I didn’t expect you little morons to hang around under my teats with your mouths open.”

“Augh! Wh… what’s it taste like?” asked Apple Bloom, her face crinkling up in disgust.

…milk? Just a guess, seeing as it’s milk and all.

Sweetie’s face was one of pleased surprise. “Sweet!” she said, licking her lips. “Really sweet!!”

“Sweet?” repeated Scootaloo, narrowing her eyes at the little curly-maned unicorn in disbelief. “No way! Let me try it!”

Kids come running for the great taste of Tits!

She elbowed Sweetie aside and brought her head up under Fluttershy’s
heavy breasts. As the little Pegasus nudged a teat with her snout,
Fluttershy again felt that familiar gushing feeling and milk started to
drip down from the end of it. She was so wracked with shame that she was
rooted to the spot as Scootaloo stuck out a little pink tongue and
caught the single drop of white milk that fell from her.

FFF Lesson for the Day: If you’re so worthless in a crisis you can’t stop ADOLESCENT CHILDREN FROM SUCKING ON YOUR LACTATING TITS, maybe you aren’t 100% ready to be a mother.

“Is… is it really sweet, Scootaloo?” asked Apple Bloom.

Scootaloo turned to her nodding, her purple-gray eyes bright. “It
totally is! It’s delicious! Hey Apple Bloom, you’ve gotta try this!”

“Um, can I get some cereal? Just a little something to mix with it? A cup of coffee? Quik? Maybe some Kahlua and vodka and we can all have White Russians or something?”

“I told you guys it was sweet!” muttered Sweetie, annoyed. “Now give
that back, Scootaloo!” She went to nudge the little Pegasus away with
her muzzle, but Apple Bloom pushed past her before she had a chance.

“No, it’s mah turn!” said Apple Bloom, bringing her muzzle up next to
Scootaloo’s. And as soon as she brought her lips near the nipple, milk
started to flow from it and she lapped it up with an eager tongue. Just
as the others had said, it was sweet and warm and delicious. Next to
her, Scootaloo had wrapped her lips around the other nipple and was
sucking on it, whiteness appearing at the corner of her mouth as she

Oh, I’m sorry. Did you think Fluttershy’s lactation had been adequately explained previously? HERE’S ANOTHER GIANT PARAGRAPH DESCRIBING HER BREAST MILK AND THE YOUNG HORSE CHILDREN DRINKING IT.

“Oh no!” squeaked Fluttershy, turning her head this way and that in a
panic. “Girls, no! Y… you have to stop this right now!” She tried to
get away, but with the two little foals nuzzling underneath her, she
couldn’t move. Was… was it her maternal instinct that was preventing
her from doing anything? “You’re… oh, this is wrong!”

Elapsed time to most basic conclusion as deemed by society and morality: 45 seconds

“Aw c’mon, ma’am!” said Apple Bloom, looking up at her with a milk-stained muzzle. “It’s totally natural!” 

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Why the Toht? Look, if you can’t imagine an adolescent My Little Pony, face covered with dripping breast milk —

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I totally Tohted myself there. Also, someone needs to give Apple Bloom a better definition of “totally natural.”

“Yeah!” agreed Scootaloo, licking up more of the white sweetness that
was dripping from the nipple in her mouth. “It’s not like we’re
stealing from your foal – he’s not even born yet!”

“Don’t be a bitch, Fluttershy! Let us drink your tit-milk! Jeez.”

Sweetie stomped a foreleg in annoyance. “Buy you’re stealing from me!” she cried, sniffing back tears.

WAA WAA THE BABY’S CRYING FOR HER BREASTMILK — oh. That’s what’s actually happening right now.

“Y…you… oh…. you have to stop!” Fluttershy’s knees had started
to tremble. She was feeling a mixture of incredible relief and… oh,
those little tongues and mouths just felt sooooo good! She squeezed her
thighs together as she felt herself starting to gush there as well… oh
Mac, why couldn’t you have done your job? Now she… she was getting
all excited by these little fillies licking and nuzzling at her teats!

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I’d tried to count all the things wrong in the above paragraph, but I stopped when I got to INFINITY. THERE’S INFINITY THINGS WRONG WITH THAT PARAGRAPH.

“It’s… it’s time you all went to bed!” Fluttershy gasped at last. “I… I insist!”

“Well, can you heat up your tits so we can have a warm glass of milk before bed? Wokka wokka!”


“But we ain’t tired!” protested Apple Bloom, kneading at a breast
with her forehoof – she’d learned that that way, lots more delicious
milk would come out.

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“Aw, just a little longer!” begged Scootaloo, pulling at the teat in her mouth with her teeth.

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All the while Sweetie, a big frown on her face, was trotting back and
forth between the other two fillies – but since Fluttershy only had
only two teats, and both Apple Bloom and Scootaloo refused to give her a
turn, there was no way she was going to get to taste any more of that
delicious milk! The poor little unicorn started to feel the beginnings
of tears welling in her pale green eyes. She was the one who had found
out that Fluttershy’s milk was so delicious! It just… wasn’t… FAIR!

She clambered up onto the couch, ready to sit down, bury her face in
her forehooves and bawl her little eyes out – but when she got there,
she found herself eye-level with Fluttershy’s rump – and then she saw
that Fluttershy was leaking milk from another place!

Oh, I’m sorry. Did you think this would just be a My Little Pony lactation fixation fan fic? I’m afraid not.

Oh, lucky, lucky! Sweetie joyfully trotted up to the edge of the
couch and leaned forward, placing her snout in between Fluttershy’s
haunches and taking a big sniff. It didn’t smell the same as the milk
that was coming out underneath Fluttershy, but it sure looked the same!
So she stuck out her tongue and gave it a little test-lick.

It didn’t taste as sweet as her booby milk, but it still tasted really, really good!

So to clarify, two adolescent ponies are sucking Fluttershy’s “breasts” while a milky discharge is coming out of her vagina, and a third pony has started drinking it. To clarify further:

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?Question: Is Fluttershy’s vaginal discharge truly “milky”? Is it regular vaginal lubricant and Sweetie Belle just an idiot who calls every liquid she she’s “milk”? Are — and I find this least likely, but I absolutely refuse to look it up — a real horse’s vaginal secretions not clear? Or is the author so focused on lactating cartoon horses that’s he’s bending reality to suit his ridiculous, perverse sexual peccadilloes? SIR, I DOUBT THE VERISIMILITUDE OF YOUR HORRIBLE CARTOON PONY PEDOPHILE LACTATION FUCK FICTION.

At the sensation of Sweetie’s hot little tongue touching her slit,
Fluttershy bit her lip to stop from crying out. Oh, oh the… the
pleasure she was feeling was overwhelming! Two parts of her were being
bathed in heat and wetness, and all the tension of so many weeks of
frustration and of her heavy, milk-filled breasts was leaving her in a
flood, into the mouths of those sweet little fillies! Oh, they had no
idea how… how their little tongues were making her feel! And that…
that made it even more dirty and… and exciting!

And wrong in the eyes of both god and man! Don’t forget wrong in the eyes of both god and man. Ponies too, probably.

The Pegasus mare burned with shame. Oh, what… what am I doing? I’m being so… so absolutely… evil!

But although she knew she should push the fillies over and just
gallop away, her legs simply refused to move. No matter how hard she
tried, they just stood there, shivering, and her tail was just as
useless! She wanted to bat Sweetie away with it, but her muscles refused
to do what she ordered, and instead she found herself stepping back so
that the little unicorn foal’s tongue could burrow even deeper into her
special place!

My Little Pony: Statutory Rape Is Magic

“Nummy nums,” murmured Sweetie Belle. Her muzzle was covered in gooey
milky stuff now, and she stopped lapping at Fluttershy so that she
could lick herself clean. Oh, it tasted so good!

As a man who refuses to drink milk if it’s two days before its expiration date, I would like to point out that this story is a knife in my fucking soul.

“Oh, oh…. Sweetie!” Fluttershy gasped. She couldn’t believe the
words that were coming out of her mouth! “Sweetie… please…”

“Yes ma’am?” asked Sweetie, beaming at the Pegasus mare, her muzzle glistening.

“Oh… please…” Please, please, stop, Sweetie! Please, Celestia… “…please don’t stop!”

Sweetie blinked, not really understanding what Fluttershy was saying –
but she knew better than to ignore whatever an adult told her to do, so
she buried her snout back in between Fluttershy’s haunches and resumed
her licking.

How delicious could Fluttershy’s vaginal secretions really be? I mean, I at least theoretically understand non-babies drinking breast milk, as milk is a beverage that people purchase. And I’m not knocking cunnilingus, but it’s not like “pussy juice” is a popular beverage flavor or anything. No one’s asking women to fill up their travel mugs with vaginal lubricant. I mean, outside of Japan. Additionally, AAAAAAUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHH WHAT HAS FFF DONE TO MEEEEEE

Tears were pouring down Fluttershy’s face now as she felt her soul
crushed between the twin emotions of desire and disgust. “Oh Celestia…
please forgive me… please, please forgive me….” she whispered. And
as she closed her eyes in deathly shame, feeling her heavy ripe body
being drained in three places at once, her juices spilling into the
hungry mouths of the three little fillies, she arched her neck in
ecstasy and cried out in the sheer shameful joy of it all.

And then she came.

You know, I really wanted to use the Maximus “Look of Disgust” pic in this FFF, but I honestly felt it would only make things worse.

? ? ?

Celestia’s orb had just risen as Rarity trotted through the early
morning streets of Ponyville. Derpy was already spiralling madly across
the sky, a shower of letters falling from her bag to her trademark cry
of “Muuuuffffffiiiiiiins!”as the other sleepy inhabitants of the little
town were just starting to wake up. There was Pinkie Pie, visible
through the windows of Sugarcube Corner, busy taking cupcakes out of the
oven and humming to herself, and there was dear little Spike, obviously
on an early morning errand for Twilight Sparkle – and there was the
purple-coated unicorn herself in the top window of the Library, blowing
out a candle- she must have been awake all night like Rarity had, the
poor dear!

See what I mean about the author knowing the details? It’s like he’s not just turned on by the cartoon, but he feels it would be genuinely improved if it had more sex abuse of minors in it.

Oh, and speaking of poor dears! Rarity, stung by sudden guilt,
started to gallop despite her exhaustion. Oh, I hope that those three
little hellions haven’t caused darling Fluttershy too much trouble!

When she arrived at the Treehouse, she knocked on the door to find it
was only ajar. She nudged it open in a sudden panic to find…

…a man writing erotic fan fiction about a cartoon for little girls about ponies, with his dick in a glass of milk?

Fluttershy, lying on the mat in front of her couch on her side, fast
asleep, her big belly rising and falling in time with her deep
breathing. And there, tucked in between her fore and hind legs, curled
up and fast asleep as well, were the three Cutie Mark Crusaders.

Rarity’s heart swelled up at the sight. They’d all been playing some
charming little game and gotten so tired they’d fallen asleep together.
Oh, what an idealized scene of domestic bliss! Of course, it came as no
surprise – after all, everypony knew that dear Fluttershy was going to
make the most perfect mother!

Ha ha! It’s funny because Fluttershy is a sexual deviant and child abuser and has no business being a mother! In fact, Fluttershy should be arrested and the Pony state take her baby away as soon as it’s born, to be raised by a loving horse family that won’t force it or allow it to perform oral sex on adults! Ha ha! Now if you’l excuse me, I need to explain to everyone I’ve ever met that I’ve suddenly developed lactose intolerance.