Kevin Smith’s Horror Movie About a Man Forced to Wear a Walrus Suit Is Happening

The Blonde Mule

The project called Tusk looked like it might not happen – and indeed, Smith failed to convince Quentin Tarantino to do a fake French-Canadian accent (really) as the cop on the trail of the film’s villain, played by Michael Parks, who captures Justin Long and forces him to wear a walrus suit while acting the part. Since Parks’ character has an affinity for Walrus Men, I’m just going to assume he has the death sentence on twelve systems.

It’s based on an odd personal ad that, according to The Guardian, expressed

the sorrowful plea of a tormented soul stricken by a desperate desire to rekindle a friendship with a long-dead walrus named Gregory. In return for free rent at the poster’s property in Brighton on the English coast, applicants would need to be willing to dress up in a man-size walrus costume and make realistic walrus noises for at least two hours a day.

I thought Smith was retiring from filmmaking. Instead, he’s managed to come up with some kind of aquatic furry fetishism? There should be a scene where Long goes, “I’m a Mac,” and Parks goes, “I’m not PC, bitch!” before abusing him somehow. Knowing Smith, I’d say odds are 50/50 that WILL happen.

It’s an original pitch, I’ll give him that. But aside from a constant running loop in our own Dr. Abraxas’ house, I’m not sure what the audience is for this.

Maybe people who’ve seen porn films starring Bill Margold?