Cartoons, Merchandise

Imagine Robot Sex as You Sleep With Transformers’ Arcee



Last week, in the new Robocop trailer, Samuel L. Jackson asked why Americans are so robophobic.

It’s really quite simple: robosexuals creep us out.

I confess to being rather glad that I lived out my entire adolescence before the whole “body pillows with sexy drawings on them” became a thing. I would almost certainly, embarrassingly, have owned one if Kim Cattrall had licensed her Mannequin persona for merchandising. But never in a million years would it have been of Arcee.

The Etsy vendor’s rhetorical question has my attention. “Who is more cuddly than a giant alien robot made of hard gears and sharp metal?” Indeed. He (it HAS to be a he, right?), then answers, “Well, probably everyone. Few snuggly creatures could beat a robot pillow, however.”

Look, even if the fantasy could be real, god help you if your member gets stuck when she has to transform.

OH HOLY SHIT they did a sexy Starscream one too. Maybe it isn’t a dude. But the feedback from one customer is ecstatic, noting, “What more could any TF fanperson ask for, than to fall asleep next to the robotic object of your undying flesh creature affection. :)

Sad thing is, I’ll bet this same person was upset by Michael Bay’s robo-scrotum.

UPDATE: I’ve been told that I “genderfailed” by assuming the artists were male, and they aren’t. Actually, my initial assumption was that the seller was male. If women want to claim these for their gender…by all means, go for it. I’m happy to lift the blame from guys one time.