Johnny Cage Is Going to Fight Superman, and It’s Going to Be Ridiculous

Oh man. Remember how awesome all those Capcom Street Fighter vs. Marvel Superheroes video games were back in the late ’90s? Well, Midway and DC have been paying attention, and now?a mere 13 years later?they’ve announced the next Mortal Kombat game, which is?I am shitting you not?Mortal Kombat vs. DC.

Oh yes. We’re talking Sub-Zero, Raiden and Goro fighting against Batman, Superman and Wonder Woman. Besides the fact that Mortal Kombat has sucked out loud since 2000, think about this:

? There’s a rumor going around that the game will not have blood or fatalities, which I’m prepared to accept as 100% true. There’s no fucking way DC is going to let Scorpion rip out Wonder Woman’s spine.
? If the Mortal Kombat guys can’t perform fatalities, Mortal Kombat is literally the shittiest fighting game ever. Ever. It’s like watching baseball without beer (Homer Simpson: “Wait a minute…this game sucks!”)

Additionally, I have a theory I’d like to share with you guys. Think about this: in this game, Superman is going to be fighting, say, Kano, and Superman could possibly lose. Sounds ridiculous, right? Now think about those Capcom games, where the Hulk would punch Chun Li and Chun Li wouldn’t explode in a fine red mist. While it might not be comics-accurate, it did work for the game. I’m not exactly sure why, but with the Marvel heroes, you could kind of accept the equalization of the field.

Now, maybe we can do that with DC heroes like Wonder Woman and Green Lantern, and obviously Batman is no problem. But Superman? You can’t do it. He’s Superman. He can move the goddamn moon. There’s just no way the nerd mind can justify a loss to any of Mortal Kombat’s roster of jackasses, and likely most of the DC heroes too. I don’t think you can have Superman in a fighting game, period, because of this same problem. But I don’t think the problem will be any more glaring than it will be in MK vs DC.