Final Crisis #6 came out Wednesday, and I assume–assume being the operative word here, because it seems like the readers barely know what the fuck is going on, and I’m operating purely on second and third-hand accounts–that it conclude “Batman R.I.P.”, because Batman is dead. Dead dead dead. Like, Superman cradling his dead body in that way that Superman always does (it’s Superman’s Standard Dead Buddy Operating Procedure). Now, that’s not really the interesting part–the interesting part is the way he died, which was shooting Darkseid. With a gun. And a bullet. And…uh…time, or something. Look, I’ll let Newsarama forum user Spidey 85 try to sum it up:
Batman confronts Darkseid in his chamber. Darkseid knows he’s there, he
wondered when he would show himself. He tells Batman that he should
just accept that the Equation is proven…To embrace it. Batman is
carrying the Soul killing gun from the Last Rites issues when he was
captured by Mokkari and Mister Simyan. He tells Darkseid he shouldn’t
have killed Orion. Darkseid mentions it was Orion’s destiny to fall in
the final battle. All the while those crazy light images from Seven
Soldiers of Victory( the ones JH Williams III drew) is around Darkseid.
Batman tells Darkseid that on the way to killing Orion, he was wounded
beyond repair. “A rotten carcass of a god, crawling into the sewer to
“I made a very solemn vow about Firearms.” “But for you, i’m making a
once in a lifetime exception. A gun and a bullet, Darkseid. It was your
idea”. – The Batman
The bullet is laced with Radion, which all
you who have read New Gods comics over the years know is toxic to the
gods of the Fourth World and Fifth it seems. The bullet is the one that killed Orion.
“Little Man. Can you outrace the omega sanction? The death that is life!” – Darkseid
“Try me.” – The Batman
fires the bullet, Darkseid unleashes the Omega Sanction(now purple).
Darkseid is hit near his heart. Kirby dots coming out of his wound.
either accepting his fate or unaware smiles and says his final word
“Gotcha.” As the Omega Sanction hits him. In the chest and in the head.
Craziness. Now, from what I can tell, people are damn impressed with Grant Morrison’s Final Crisis lunacy in a way they weren’t with Secret Invasion, so that’s all well and good. But I have to wonder…what the fuck does this have to do with “Batman R.I.P.”?
Again, the shit going down in Final Crisis sounds awesome. I have no problems there. But I can’t see how it ties into “R.I.P.” in any way other that Batman actually resting in peace. Again, Morrison said “R.I.P.” was going to put Bats through a “fate worse than death.” In “R.I.P.,” he met an evil dude who said he was his dad, but wasn’t (and a helicopter blew up). That’s just a fate worse than a mild annoyance. In Final Crisis, he broke his biggest rule…but was clearly cool with doing it. So that’s a fate worse than dying and not breaking his biggest rule, but only by a little.
In summary: I’m pissed about “R.I.P.” If it had just been DC overhyping the story initially as a big thing when in fact all it was was a neat Batman story, that’d be okay. Evertyone does that all the time. But they continually made it out so be some game-changer for Batman when it wasn’t. Then “R.I.P.” ended with a whimper, and Didio said “Oh, didn’t we tell you it actually ends in Final Crisis #6? Because of the trade paperbacks? Which you’ll now have to buy both of if you want the whole story? BWA HAHAHAHA” immediately after. And now Final Crisis #6 comes out, and yes, Batman is dead, but it appears to have fuck-all to do with anything in “R.I.P.” End result: a lot of continual lying to fans to get them to pick up Final Crisis.
Again, maybe there’s stuff I’m missing. any of you DC readers, feel free to correct me in the comments. I’ll happily be proven wrong.