Miscellaneous, Nerdery

Fan Fiction Friday: “Harry Potter and [email protected]#$% of Hogwarts”



Although this is technically the week for the horribly disgusting and vile fan fiction, I’ve found a story that I just enjoyed too much not to share. Please rest assured that this story by angelus is an incredibly graphic tale of young Harry Potter fucking the living bejeezus out of both Hermione and Ginny, but the real vile part is the grammar and vocabulary, and the disgusting part is how easily we can imagine the author who wrote this. The story begins, I shit you not, as:


Yes. Her-hornie. That should tell you everything you need to know about what’s going to happen. And yet, brave souls, there’s more:

The night was once again late. Ron had gone to bed like always and
avoided Hermione like the plague. Harry looked up from his Herb
Homework and spotted Hermione’s skirt, up further than it should be. No
panties were where they should have been. Harry, who had only dreamed
of these moments from Wizard porn, was most interfered. He looked at
Hermione’s face and saw she was caught up in Runes for Experts. This
was for her class tomorrow. It was about midnight and Hermione was wide
awake. He began to become bored with his book, anti-dark magic for
young minds. He needed to study for tomorrows test but found more to
study in Hermione’s posture. She was in one of the lounge chairs in the
common room, slightly leg wide but that slight look allowed full vision
access for Harry.

He sat there wondering what it would feel like, his shaft for the first
time tasting a women’s glory, and he got hard when he thought of that
women being Hermione. He heard a movement and saw a third year girl
leave from the bathroom, they where alone for now. He thought of what
he could do to her, fuck her right here, right now. End her over and
penetrate both her holes, Harry wanted Hermione bad and for a long

I may be mistaken, but I’m pretty sure the author found “a women’s glory” from his mom’s Harlequin romance novels, because no one else in the history of the planet has ever referred to a woman’s vagina that way. The fuckery starts in earnest almost immediately, so hit the jump to continue this magical adventure.

Harry casts a spell of “horneyness” and Hermione leaves to masturbate. The helpful Harry follows her to the women’s bathroom, and offers his assistance.

?Well, then Harry, come on. I guess All perverts get there day…? said
Hermione as Harry began to make room for his Penis in her pussy.

I have no idea what this means, but it makes me laugh and terrifies me at the same time.

?Oh Harry, I’ve never done this before! I’m a Virgin! Be gentaAAALL!”
she yelled as Harry had Broken Through her Hymen whom no one expected.

I certainly didn’t!

?HHHHHhhhHHHAAaaaaaaarryyyYYYYYy? said Hermione as Harry got Hermione
going. He began to engage in rugler stroking and found is demanding,
but the payoff of taking Hermione’s Virginity was great. She was
feeling benefits too, a great pain had come and gone and now only
untapped pleasure remained. She put her Arms around him as he gained
speed, for the first time in his life, Harry was THE MAN.

See what I mean about seeing the author in the story? Also, if you happen to know what “rugler stroking” is, please never, ever tell me.

Her breath was shorting now, the feeling of another organism had now
become known to her after about four minutes of sex with the famed
Harry potter.

A new organism? What could it be? An amoeba? Some invertebrate? A giraffe?

?Uuuuhhhh Har, Har, Har, Harry, I’m Going to Cummmm! ? Revealed Hermione as Harry still hammered away.
?AAAAauhhoooooooooyyeeaa Harry!”
?Uh, Hermione, Here is commeesssssss!” Harry Told Hermione as he got his penis to activate.
?Make Su, sur, sure you Pull out Harry? Hermione said after heavily
breathing from her Orgasm. Harry had no intention of pull out.

First of all: “Har har har”? Can you imagine if anyone ever had that noise during sex? Frankly, “AAAAauhhoooooooooyyeeaa” is far more reasonable, and it’s not very reasonable at all. Second, I love the use of the word “revealed,” as if her organism was a big mystery at this point. And last, Harry’s utter bastardry in not pulling out delights me as anything in any FFF.

?Um Harry, can you demount me now? I’ve got to get back to my books?
said Hermione who was still up against the Bathroom wall with a hint of

DEMOUNT. This story really is magic.

Thus ends chapter one; but don’t worry. Chapter two begins just three nights later when someone secretly casts the same spell of horneyness on Harry.

Suddenly he felt as if a heat wave had just gone over him. He felt his
penis rapidly becoming hard as if he was about to orgasm right there.
It didn’t of course but still he felt the need to masturbate right
away. He got up and went to the boy’s room when Ron, Seamus, and the
other boy would not be. He also noted that Ginny and he would be safe
up here. He picked up his bed, and pulled out a magic Vagina. It was a
fake but felt real. All you did was stick your dick in it and ask it to
suck, fuck, or be a asshole to fuck. He had never tried asshole before
and turned it to that. Suddenly the door opened and closed as if the
wind had made a mistake blowing it open. He quickly pulled his pants up
over his large penis and went to investigate. He felt a presence and
wondered if it was a ghost? An invisible clock? Nah he had the only one
in the school. Right in his….where was it last he though. He had not
used once that winter. Did Ron take it? Hermione? Seamus? Lavender?

Ignoring the magical vagina for a moment — one of the greatest sentences I ever hope to type — my mind almost exploded when I read “invisibile clock.” It took me waaaay to long to figure out that angelus meant “cloak” — I really thought I was heading into some bizarre invisible clock porn. I blame a year’s worth of FFFs for this. Alas, t’was not to be. Regarding the magical vagina: A young mind and a non-blocked porn site with one of those Fleshlight ads is a terrible, terrible combination. Meanwhile, Ginny tracks down Harry just as Harry had tracked down Hermione.

He soon got her school outfit off and she got his pants off. The nest
thing to go was his panties, but she wasn’t even wearing any, that
Ginny, always taking chances.

“I knew this was going to happen so I didn’t bother” Ginny explained.

“Good thinking” Harry said, as he flipped Ginny up to sit on his erect
cock. She knew what was going to happen and braced. Harry had wondered
if she was a Virgin, with all her boyfriends and soon found out she was
one. This was very good for Harry. Slowly he put himself on her,
entering her pleasure centre with ease and wanting, and then
encountered resistance. And without waiting for a word from the lips of
Beautiful Ginny, he entered.

“OOOOOHHHHH SHIT Harry!” Ginny said loudly.

That Ginny! Always taking chances. But alas, even sex with Beautiful Virgin Ginny has its dark side.

Harry felt that pure bliss he had felt with Hermione, he couldn’t think
of him now, not with Ron’s sexy sister needing his cock. Wait, Ron’s
Sister?! What if Ron finds out? Will he never be able to spend time at
the burrow again? That would hurt him as he was now gaining thoughts of
were to fuck Ginny at the Burrow. No time now thought, a girl was
riding his dick on his bed.

“Uh OHHHHHHH UH OHHHHHHHHHHOOHHHH” Ginny said as she erupted in pleasure from her first organism.

Alas, poor Ron — you’re getting fucked as surely as Hermoine and your sister, except you don’t get to have an organism. Sad, really.

“STOP Harry!”

Ginny then got off of Harry, … and told Harry why.

“I want you to fuck my ass Harry; you’re the first man and the only man
for me. I want it to be your cock that goes into both my holes.” Said

Well, of course. The rest is more of before, with fluids and organisms willy-nilly, although it does use the phrase “Balls Deep” and does capitalize it in the middle of a sentence. If you want more, by all means read the full story here. Meanwhile, I’ve got to find me one of those magical vaginas.