G.I. Joe: The Rise of Tenuous Merchandising

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I swear to god this is real. From the product page:

G.I. Joe’s secret team of highly trained experts is organized to defend humankind against global domination whenever and wherever theres a mission. As part of the teams special ops, the Joes always know about the evil doings of the Cobra organization before it takes over the world.

Likewise, Norton is always working to detect emerging threats before they take over your computer. Nortons speed and strength is a smart and ready defense that goes unnoticed but is incredibly effective when it makes a preemptive move.

Together, Norton and G.I. Joe will strike first before online evils do.

Given that the massive Joe team couldn’t even keep four bombs out of the hands of 10 terrorists while inside its own secret headquarters, I’m not sure how much “G.I. Joe” exemplifies security at this point. Still, I was thinking about getting it myself, but then I remember that the TR home office is underneath the arctic ice cap, and I’ve rigged the ice to blow. If I ever get a virus, I’ll just explode the cap, thus letting the massive hunks of ice sink and crush my compromised computer. Frankly, it’s the only solution that makes sense to me anymore. Much thanks to csparks3000 for the tip.