?One quick note before I begin the contest: sorry if things have been a bit wonky this week. This secret TR mission has really cramped my normal writing mode, so if the posts have seemed lamer or even more typo-prone than usually, my apologies — hopefully, I’ll be back on my game next Monday. And if not, feel free to look through the brand-new SITE ARCHIVES (on the right, just below the Categories box) — to read through earlier TR articles when I was even shittier. Should bring you some perspective.
And now to the contest, suggested by TR contributor Caleb Goellner. As a kid, you certainly busted your ass trying to get some kind of crappy prize, whether it was in a cereal box, maybe at Chuck E. Cheese, or some school crap-selling contest. And almost as certainly, that prize was pure crap, likely because it broke immediately, never worked, or because having an Indiana Jones-themed “Adventure Spoon” that lights up is not nearly as cool in real-life as it is in your imagination.
Simple enough, right? I’m genuinely looking forward to remembering some the crap foisted upon us in our youth. As usual, one entry per person, and the contest ends on Monday the 31st at 12:01am EST. Have a great weekend, and if anyone tries to pop a balloon on your genitals, give them a good, solid kick in the ass from me.