Final Fantasy XIII’s Head Trauma-Inducing Beverage
FFXIII is due to be released in Japan in 10 days, and as you might have suspected, the marketing blitz is on. But it’s not just for the game, since Square Enix realized long ago that as long as the words “Final Fantasy” were printed on a product, I many people would buy those products, no matter how worthless they are. The newest example: the FFXIII Elixir, a beverage that either causes or heals massive head wounds (or maybe both) as according to this commercial which Kotaku dug up. By all accounts, Square’s last FF beverage, the Healing Potion, tasted like ass with lemon; I don’t know if they’ve improved the recipe for Elixir. I know that even if they didn’t, a shit-ton of people would buy it anyways. I sure would.
About The Author
Robert Bricken is one of the original co-founders of the site formerly known as Topless Robot, and its first editor-in-chief, serving from 2008-12. He brought the site to prominence with “nerd news, humor and self-loathing” as its motto, raising it from total internet obscurity to a readership in the millions, with help from his savage “FAQ” movie reviews and Fan Fiction Fridays. Under his tenure Topless Robot was covered by Gawker, Wired, Defamer, New York magazine, ABC News, and others, and his articles have been praised by Roger Ebert, Avengers actor Clark Gregg, comedian and The Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax, and others. He is currently the managing editor of io9.com. Despite decades as both an amateur and professional nerd, he continues to be completely unprepared for either the zombie apocalypse or the robot uprising.