Ultimate Nerd Drinking Buddies: And the Winners Are…


?So there were nearly twice as many entries in this weekend’s TR contest as the week before. I would have assumed that more nerds had gotten angry than could imagine a drinking buddy, but I underestimated the power of booze and the chance to talk to our icons, alive, dead or fictional. I’m particularly gratified by everyone who sucked up said they’d like to have a drink with me. Here’s hoping you guys can make SDCC this year, because I’ll be doing another TR meet-up, and we can all have that drink then. Now,I’m going to talk about how awesome all the entries were in a minute, but for now, enjoy some of the shorter, more quotable entries that made me chuckle:

SpiderHyphenMan said:

Robert Downey Jr., in full Iron Man gear.

Boyle said:

Once again, those of us who would like to deep throat Joss Whedon are headed off at the pass by unreasonable restrictions.
Oh, the humanity.

JTtheConqueror said:

Not sure if this is substantially nerdy, but Hunter S. Thompson would be the greatest. He’d bring booze, guns and drugs. Dangerous, yes. Can you trust him, no. Would you wake up with a Z carved into you’re forehead, possibly. Would the house be destroyed, obviously. Is he dead yes. Holy shit I just realized I am describing Zombie Hunter S Thompson. excuse me while I trademark that horrifying image.

pumpkinguts said:

I would want to be stranded with William Shatner. He’s banged tons of chicks and I’m sure he has some great stories, so that when my penis finally gets working again I can jerk off all day; however the icing on the cake would be that wherever we were stuck for the weekend I know he would have gotten a great deal from
Priceline Negotiator!

badmacktuck said:

Bill Nye the Science Guy (Secretly I’m just hoping he lets me wear his lab coat)

Joey said:

without doubt Alan Moore. in addition to conversing about the pros and cons of anarchy, i could glean valuable insight in the arts of beard maintenance and ingenious story-telling at the same time.

Wade vs The World:

I would pay anything to have shots with Brian Blessed just so we could raise our shot glasses high and toast…..HAWKMEN! DIIIIIIVE!

Farmboy said:

I’d tie one on with Lois Lane. We can hash out all her Clark/Superman issues over Bloody Mary’s…with celery. SUSPICIOUSLY. MOIST. CELERY.

Screampants said:

Peter Cullen. Because I really want to hear what Optimus Prime sounds like when he’s totally plastered.

LadyIslay said:

Although an unlikely choice for most nerds, I would totally choose Kryten. Let me explain: I’m not much of a drinker. I’m not much of a housekeeper, either. If Kryten was snow-bound in my home for several days, he would clean EVERYTHING… and find it all very satisfying. Laundry would be folded, sock drawers would be organised, dishes would be washed, windows would sparkle and toilet bowls would shine! Even better, when he was all done, he would probably love to kick back with a pair of knitting needles or be thrilled to do some scrapbooking. All I would need to do is make sure he felt appreciated.
As an unexpected bonus, per the contest rules, Kryten doesn’t even HAVE genitalia.

Murphy’s Law said:

Even though they were already mentioned, im going to have to go with the MST3K crew. Just so i can finally have my dream of getting drunk and making Mystery Porn Theater 3000. Im not saying just any type of porn though, i mean porn thats more like a horror/mystery porn. We’ll probably just end up yelling, “Dont go in there!!!” a bunch of times.


It would have to Milo Ventimiglia… Ventimigla… W/E.
And then spend a couple of hours thinking up “Your face is so douchey” jokes, and then I’d break for tea, and then continue to pummel and mock his face.

Winners after the jump.

Okay, before I announce the winners, I wanted to take one moment to salute TR reader JaganaR for his… well, whatever the fuck this is:

??? JaganaR ??? said:

me + cookie monster 🙂 because there aint a bigger addict to cookies and booze than big blue 
its a scientific fact . just ask any girl who loves cookiemonster ^^
(and yes I KNOW FOR A FACT , cookie will bring girls to the snowout ^^ )
if and only if
(dryhumping + cookiemonster )+(COOKIE GIRL * COOKIE GIRL) ^ cookie (to the power of) = DREAMY
((1+2)+(+3 * 4)^5 = solution
now you add into the equation the Cookie theif and multiply it by the
rage the girls feel when he eats all the cookies as the ass whuppin he
will get 😉 .
((1+2)+(+3 * 4)^5 = solution
related SOLUTION >>>
if and only if
( solution + theif ) > ((hotties)^2 + asswhuppin) +( followed by
thrown in traffic / the wrath of “Hotties” ) * (massivly brutal cookie
raiding parties ) = (girls who destroy everything in their path for the
(1+2)+((3^2) + 4)+(5/6) * 7 =Solution
THIS IS A SCIENTIFIC FACT , and if you think im wrong , i challenge you
to take a cookie away from Blue . you wont last more than 2 minutes ,
cus youd be dead ^^

I don’t have the faintest clue what any of this gibberish, but JaganaR wrote several posts of similar insanity, and I felt that needed to be recognized.

Now for the winners: As I looked over the nigh 400 entries, I despaired, because I
realized there was no way for me to judge them. I mean, I may
personally prefer to have a drink with Tim Curry over Kevin Smith, but
that hardly makes all the people who picked Kevin Smith wrong. I
couldn’t judge ’em — then I realized I really couldn’t. And thus I shouldn’t. So I used a random number generator to pick two winners, made sure they were decent entries and not replies or anything — it seemed like the most fair thing to do. And now, your winners:

drivingsideways said:

This is simple. Think about it. There is a single nerd hero that transcends the boundaries of nerddom. There are heroes, nerd heroes, and then, there are superheroes. So I’d go with the original, the archetype, the alpha, the very first one of all.
You should have caught my drift by now, but for those who haven’t, I would love to grab a pint with Superman himself, Christopher Reeve. There is not much I (or anyone) can really say about the man that hasn’t been said. After all he went through, he still was a shining beacon of hope, and his iron will and determination would make Jerry Siegel and Joe Schuster proud of him.
After the accident, he considered suicide. We all know, of course, that he lived through it. Pushed his way out of the depression he was in, and turned his terrible situation into something better by actively campaigning for the disabled and stem cell research. Hell, the man even kept fit by exercising! Exercising!
So that would be my nerd drinking buddy, if only to have him back with us for one more day, and if only to tell everybody that “hey, I had a drink with Superman.” There will be other Batmen, Iron Men, Spidermen, and Paste Pot Petes. As far as I’m concerned, there will only ever be one Superman.
P.S. First question I would ask him would be “Why do you superheroes wear those tights if you don’t want to get raped?”

Kitanne said:

My first answer was BATMAN, but then I thought about it and realized that Bruce Wayne is probably the most morose drunk ever, so no thanks, Batman drunkenly weeping is a no.
So second choice, god, this is so nerdy it’s BEYOND nerdy, but I would love to be snowed in with Sir David Attenborough. He’s just ridiculously incredible and, quite frankly, he could read me cricket scores in his wonderful voice for hours and I would be completely entertained.
Attenborough’s worked in publishing, he was the initial Controller of BBC2, help create some of the first televised documentaries, has worked extensively in the fields of natural history, and biology, championed the causes of WWF and habitat preservation, written many books and recorded them on audiotape, and has traveled to all sorts of remote and exotic places to film animals and ecosystems. He’s had this amazing range of experiences in his life that I would love to hear about.
I would just be fascinated by all the places he’s gone and things he has seen. I would love to ask him how different some places look from when he visited them in his early series or about the species of animals (especially birds) that no longer exist or are much rarer now. I would have tons of questions like, what’s the most interesting animal that ever pooped on him? Or what animal is his favorite? What’s the worst thing that ever happened during filming? Is it totally sweet to be knighted? What was serving in WWII like?
Seriously, I could talk for a month with him and not run out of things to talk about. He’s just so coooool!

I’ve got no problem with fate here — Christopher Reeve is a classy choice, and Sir David is as brilliant as he is insane, and he’s completely fucking bonkers. They would be great guys to have a drink with, but the rest of you had great choices as well. Thanks for entering, and next time you get a beer, please raise a glass to your nerdy drinking buddy of choice. They all deserve it.