10 Old Conan O’Brien Sketches We’d Love to See on his New Show
2009 might be remembered as a universally lousy year for many reasons, but if you were a fan of Conan O’Brien, things were looking up. Not only was Conan inheriting the hosting duties of The Tonight Show, but his old friend Andy Richter was joining him as its announcer in what would have been an update of the Johnny Carson/Ed McMahon tandem that anchored the legendary program for so many years. Of course, we need not tell you what happened next.
But, we think, this story just might end in laughter and handshakes for Conan’s crew. It was no secret that Coco and his staff had a different audience with Tonight – and that meant a different approach. Gone, for the most part, were many of the most famous sketches that cemented him as a nerd hero on Late Night. Now, with the preformed expectations of his old gig firmly in the rear view mirror of his green 1992 Ford Taurus, we thought we’d explore some of the acts and characters from Conan’s history that we’d love to see again when his new show begins its run on November 8th.
Of course, thanks to the myriad complexities and bullshiteries of copyrights and network TV, NBC technically owns Conan’s old material, so he can’t use these concepts without their permission, which they won’t give even though they won’t use them and don’t need them because they don’t want Conan to be successful. Nice! So, to tide you over until the red-headed one returns, here are 10 Con-a-sketches we would like to see revived in a world born free of copyright claims by opposing networks… ahem. Conan on!
10) Cactus Chef
Cactus Chef may be the foremost embodiment of surrealistically brilliant humor commonly featured on Late Night. Armed with a flute to play “We Didn’t Start The Fire” on command, nothing made sense about this desert plant culinarian, except that it didn’t.
9) Actual Items
While we’d understand why Conan might choose to put this one to rest, it still has the potential to continue to be hilarious, as it’s really limited only by the imagination of Conan and his talented cadre. Of course they’re real.
8) Pierre Bernard’s Recliner of Rage
The claim to fame of Late Night‘s nerdy graphic designer, Pierre Bernard’s Recliner of Rage was just that – a dude who took his Sci-Fi very seriously (like, super-nerd level) reclining and spouting off angry complaints about his favorite TV program/movie/anime. It was like Conan stepped into our own living rooms with a broadcast camera and aired the results. Mind blowing, and hilarious.
7) Conan and Andy on the Aisle
Conan and Andy used this bit to poke fun at upcoming feature films by offering their reviews and then showcasing altered footage to the audience to prove their points. Our favorite: “Billy Joel” crashing into a diner, interrupting the conversation between Peter and MJ in Spider-Man 2.
6) Celebrity Secrets
Does the name “Hank Toms” mean anything to anyone else out there? To us, it translates to comedic gold. Seating guest celebs in a seedy-looking interrogation room doubling as a concrete confessional, Conan and his writers had his victims admit faux secrets to the viewing audience after which a hilariously hushed declaration of “seeeeecretss” broke up each anecdote.
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5) The Masturbating Bear
This classic nose-thumbing to network censors was always a funny and awkward good time for everyone watching. Plus it’s a guy in a bear suit, so clearly there’s nothing but win here.
4) The Walker Texas Ranger Lever
Even though they admittedly ran out of moments to cut to for this bit, we’d still watch old clips with Conan’s excellent comedic timing to reel us in. And they’d still be funny. Of course, Conan moved on to other work by Norris, such as his feature film Octagon, and we’d even be open to work by other celebs. Just pull the lever!
3) Triumph the Insult Comic Dog
What is left to say of this foul-mouthed hound as fueled by Robert Smigel? Possibly the most memorable puppet character to come along in the last 15 years, Triumph may have been responsible for bringing nerds to the mainstream with his iconic visit to the line waiting outside Attack of the Clones, and while it may have erased some of our kind’s hard-earned progress, we still appreciate it.
2) Satellite TV
Satellite TV was perhaps the most freeing sketch to Conan and company, as it allowed them to come up with quick bits based on just about anything they wanted. Where would this world be if there were no “Men Without Hats Conversation” or “Inappropriate Reaction” channels? We don’t want to know.
1) The Year 2000
While Tonight featured an updated version which changed the year to 3000, we can’t help but prefer the original, as predicting untrue events for a long past and non-existent millennial crisis cracks us up every time. And of course, hearing La Bamba’s high-pitched declaration of the title is something we miss dearly.
Honorable Mentions:
If They Mated, SAT Analogies, What in the World?, The Interrupter, The Traveling Salesman, New Coins, Desk Driving, Noches de Pasion con Se?or O’Brien, New/Rejected Characters, Photos, Shoeverine
