Mattel Releases New “Pedophile’s Assistant Barbie”
Actually, she’s called Video Girl Barbie, but CNN is 100% certain that she’s the ultimate tool for pedophiles. As the video demonstrates quite painfully, the Barbie doll has a video camera and mic in her, which can easily be uploaded to a computer and edited and then masturbated to, one supposes. Of course, no pedophile has actually used one yet for their nefarious purposes — or at least none have been reported — but now that the FBI has issued their warning and CNN has reported the dangers, I’m sure there are many well-informed pedophiles in a particularly good mood this morning, and planning on stopping by Toys “R” Us later. Thanks, CNN!
Admittedly, hiding video cameras in a popular doll line is a pretty fucking horrible idea (for a toy company; if you’re a pedophile, it’s THE GREATEST IDEA EVER). So there’s no reason not to blame Mattel at least partially — if only so they stop production on Help-Take-Your-Clothes-Off-and-Take-Pics-with-Your-Cellphone Barbie, or whatever the hell they’re working on next. Thanks to ReverendEnder for the tip.
About The Author
Robert Bricken is one of the original co-founders of the site formerly known as Topless Robot, and its first editor-in-chief, serving from 2008-12. He brought the site to prominence with “nerd news, humor and self-loathing” as its motto, raising it from total internet obscurity to a readership in the millions, with help from his savage “FAQ” movie reviews and Fan Fiction Fridays. Under his tenure Topless Robot was covered by Gawker, Wired, Defamer, New York magazine, ABC News, and others, and his articles have been praised by Roger Ebert, Avengers actor Clark Gregg, comedian and The Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax, and others. He is currently the managing editor of io9.com. Despite decades as both an amateur and professional nerd, he continues to be completely unprepared for either the zombie apocalypse or the robot uprising.