Mattel Releases New “Pedophile’s Assistant Barbie”

Actually, she’s called Video Girl Barbie, but CNN is 100% certain that she’s the ultimate tool for pedophiles. As the video demonstrates quite painfully, the Barbie doll has a video camera and mic in her, which can easily be uploaded to a computer and edited and then masturbated to, one supposes. Of course, no pedophile has actually used one yet for their nefarious purposes — or at least none have been reported — but now that the FBI has issued their warning and CNN has reported the dangers, I’m sure there are many well-informed pedophiles in a particularly good mood this morning, and planning on stopping by Toys “R” Us later. Thanks, CNN!

Admittedly, hiding video cameras in a popular doll line is a pretty fucking horrible idea (for a toy company; if you’re a pedophile, it’s THE GREATEST IDEA EVER). So there’s no reason not to blame Mattel at least partially — if only so they stop production on Help-Take-Your-Clothes-Off-and-Take-Pics-with-Your-Cellphone Barbie, or whatever the hell they’re working on next. Thanks to ReverendEnder for the tip.