No One Gives the Tiniest @#$% About the Second G.I. Joe Movie, Apparently

How do I know this? Because Deadline reports that Paramount has offered the job of directing the film to Jon Chu, whose three most recent films are:

? Step Up 2: The Streets
? Step Up 3-D
? Never Say Never: The Justin Bieber Documentary


?Really, Paramount? You’re going to give a major summer tent-pole action flick to a guy whose only ever shot people dancing? I know the Justin Bieber movie is a big hit, BUT THAT’S CAUSE IT’S JUSTIN FUCKING BIEBER. A FUCKING TREE SLOTH COULD HAVE DIRECTED THAT MOVIE AND IT WOULD HAVE MADE MILLIONS. THE JUSTIN BIEBER MOVIE’S SUCCESS IS NOT INDICATIVE OF CHU’S TALENTS.

And really, Hasbro? You’re cool with Paramount foisting off your second biggest movie franchise to this guy? Got nothing to say? No polite requests to Paramount executives asking if they might consider a director with a modicum of experience?

Sigh. There is a silver lining, though; here are some quotes from Chu on G.I. Joe, courtesy of /Film:

? The one thing I felt was missing from the last Joe movie
was the power of the punch. You want Joe to be tough. They are fun, but
they are tough. I feel that you don’t want to make Joe too kidsie.

? [G.I.] Joe, to me, is iconic. It is as American as Coke
and the Boy Scouts. To have that kind of history in a brand is so rare
these days. And that is so powerful. So you can’t treat Joe like its
just another action movie. You can’t treat Joe as just another petty
commercial movie. Joe has history. Joe has always been a part of what
America is, and now the world. What it means to be a leader and a hero.
For me, it is about the fun stuff like Storm Shadow and Snake Eyes, and
all the gadgets. All of that stuff. But it has heart. Its heart is
what America, and what heroes and leaders around the world, strive to
be. I think that is what the brand needs. It needs the respect to be
treated in that way.

So at least he understands that Joe needs to be tougher and — dare I say it —  “a real American hero.” On the other hand, the bulk of his filmmaking experience is still the fucking Step Up sequels. Honestly, I don’t expect this to end well.