The American Akira Movie Lives


?Dear everyone who sent me a link to any article talking about how the live-action American Akira remake was “dead” and why wasn’t I doing an article on this wonderful news: This is why (from Variety):

Warner Bros. is moving ahead with its remake of “Akira” in a fiscally
sensible way, tapping reliable Spanish helmer Jaume Collet-Serra
(“Orphan,” “Unknown”) to direct a live-action version of the anime cult
hit at a lower revised budget of $90 million.

And as The AV Club adds:

…the filmmaker has become highly in demand for his signature directing
style of not blowing a bunch of money, and his economically agreeable
vision could be just what the project needs to become what is now being
pitched as “a tentpole with a mid-level budget along the lines of Clash Of The Titans,” a phrase that should be read in monotone and preceded by a resigned sigh.

Bad ideas don’t die, they just get worse. Now, instead of a terrible but massive two-movie epic starring white people, we’re going to get a 90-minute crapfest, still starring white people, along the lines of the live-action Dragonball Z movie. Maybe this Collet-Serra dude won’t end up directing it, but I promise you three things: 1) this movie will eventually get made, 2) it will be fucking terrible, and 3) no matter how long it takes, WB will never raise the budget again. So just bend over and wait for an animated masterpiece to get fucked by the Hollywood machine.