Today in AlienTurtleGate: Now They’re Probably Not Teenagers, Either

?Well, there’s no point in mincing around this, so let’s just cut to the chase: According to ScreenRant, he working title for the Michael Bay-produced Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie is Ninja Turtles.

I… I just… I don’t know, folks. I’m just baffled. I’m not even upset any more. I’m just confused. You have a beloved franchise with 25 years and several generations of fans. You have a built-in audience, name recognition, and a story that clearly works. So why change it? What do you possibly gain? Does Michael Bay really think there are people sitting around thinking, “Well, I’d never see a film called Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, because that sounds retarded. But a movie called Ninja Turtles? That sounds like a solid concept I might be interested in!” Seriously, if anyone can tell me how this name and origin change benefits anyone, how it does anything other make nerds crazy, I’d genuinely love to know, because I can’t even fathom a reason why they’re doing this.

Incidentally, the director of the film, Jonathan Leibesman has been talking to websites trying to do damage control while not at all refuting Bay’s statement that the turtles are now aliens. From Collider:

“Look, it’s so funny–if everyone was such a die-hard fan, they would
know that the TCRI canisters where the ooze comes from. That is alien
ooze. Now I’m not saying what Michael said is exactly what the movie is,
because we’re sitting in a room now figuring everything out. So we
don’t know, but we are like Michael said: we’re expanding it, and the
expansion will be true to the mythology.”

Yes, die-hard fans know that the ooze that mutated the turtles was alien in origin. Just like they know the turtles that the ooze mutated WERE FROM FUCKING PLANET EARTH. Don’t pretend like you’ve outsmarted the fans, dickshit. No one ever complained that there were aliens in TMNT; no one ever has. But making the turtles aliens? Which changes the fundamental origin of the main characters? So much so that you’re changing the name of the goddamn series? That’s not an expansion to the mythology, that’s a major alteration, and by definition it is untrue to the mythology, so stop bullshitting us. (Via /Film)

Incidentally, that horrible fucking picture is courtesy of Poe Ghostal, who I will now hate eternally.