“All Men Are Created Equal. Except Vampires. They’re Assholes.”

What? A new Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter trailer was released over Memorial Day weekend, in which Honest Abe recites the Gettysburg Address heroically as if it had anything to do with killing vampires? Oh well, I’ll forgive it its transparent jingoism because each new trailer is actually getting me more excited for this ridiculous, ridiculous movie. Also because the more successful this film is, the more likely someone will buy my spec script for Teddy Roosevelt: Master of Mummies.