It looks like Nickelodeon’s upcoming CG Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon is going down that Teen Titans/Ultimate Spider-Man path of extreme wackiness, exaggerated facial expressions, and just general goofiness. However, unlike Ultimate Spider-Man, I’m fine with this for several reasons: 1) We just had a long-running, more serious take on the Turtles. 2) The Turtles — being, you know, teenage mutant ninja turtles — are more conducive to wackiness than Spider-Man, who needs a modicum of genuine drama to work most effectively as a character. 3) As this clip shows, the show does appear to have the capacity to get serious and show some solid action when it wants to, which, again, is something Teen Titans did very effectively, Ultimate Spider-Man has not managed to do. So I’m fine with this. Look, I just can’t look at an anthropomorphic turtle wielding ninja weapons and say, “They’re not taking this seriously enough!” I just can’t. A man with spider-powers dressed like a stuntman from the ’70s had sex with a luchadore? THAT’S SERIOUS BUSINESS, MY FRIENDS.
Anyways, I’m less fine with the new theme song, because it is pretty much the ’80s theme song with some of that rap the kids love nowadays over it. Oh, those kids, with their rap music and baggy pants and eye-pods and whatnot… sigh. Anyways, I’m sure kids will love it, so I’ll just sit back on my porch and wait for some children to wander onto my lawn so I can yell at them to get the fuck off it.
Robert Bricken is one of the original co-founders of the site formerly known as Topless Robot, and its first editor-in-chief, serving from 2008-12. He brought the site to prominence with “nerd news, humor and self-loathing” as its motto, raising it from total internet obscurity to a readership in the millions, with help from his savage “FAQ” movie reviews and Fan Fiction Fridays. Under his tenure Topless Robot was covered by Gawker, Wired, Defamer, New York magazine, ABC News, and others, and his articles have been praised by Roger Ebert, Avengers actor Clark Gregg, comedian and The Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax, and others. He is currently the managing editor of io9.com. Despite decades as both an amateur and professional nerd, he continues to be completely unprepared for either the zombie apocalypse or the robot uprising.