Every American knows the story of the Boston Tea Party, and how a bunch of kind Bostonians gave the local marine life all the free tea they could drink (also there was something about taxes, I think). But did you know the entire Revolutionary War was total bullshit and completely inconsequential? That’s the premise of this new Assassin’s Creed III promo, at least. Obviously Ubisoft is trying to lessen its apparent pro-American bias after countless trailers of Connor tearing through Redcoats like they were pinatas and Connor had low blood sugar — but without going to far as actually, you know, showing Connor killing an American. Ubisoft’s solution is to say the Revolutionary War didn’t matter as compared to the incredibly goofy AssCreed plot of assassins vs. templars, which fans of the games will instantly understand and pretty much no one else will. Basically, what I’m saying is that I expect a special Fox News report on the “anti-American game Assassin’s Creed” at any minute.
Robert Bricken is one of the original co-founders of the site formerly known as Topless Robot, and its first editor-in-chief, serving from 2008-12. He brought the site to prominence with “nerd news, humor and self-loathing” as its motto, raising it from total internet obscurity to a readership in the millions, with help from his savage “FAQ” movie reviews and Fan Fiction Fridays. Under his tenure Topless Robot was covered by Gawker, Wired, Defamer, New York magazine, ABC News, and others, and his articles have been praised by Roger Ebert, Avengers actor Clark Gregg, comedian and The Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax, and others. He is currently the managing editor of io9.com. Despite decades as both an amateur and professional nerd, he continues to be completely unprepared for either the zombie apocalypse or the robot uprising.