Denny’s, the best restaurant ever when you’re in college and drunk out of your mind at 4am and need something covered in grease to throw up later, is doing a tie-in menu with the Hobbit movie, where they will release Hobbit-themed meals, and by “Hobbit-themed meals” I mean “meals with dumb names.” These include:
? Gandalf’s Gobble Melt
? Hobbit Hole Breakfast
? Pumpkin Patch Pancakes
? Lonely Mountain Treasure
? Frodo’s Pot Roast Skillet
? Shire Sausage
? Bilbo’s Berry Smoothies
? Radagast’s Red Velvet Pancake Puppies
? Seed Cake French Toast
? Build Your Own Hobbit Slam
Ignoring the fact that almost all of these sound amazingly pornographic, I can’t fucking believe Denny’s isn’t actually calling this thing “Elevenses,” the traditional Hobbit meal between second breakfast and lunch. It actually hurts me that they’ve missed this obvious, brilliant opportunity slip through their greasy fingers. Almost as much as trying to figure out what the fuck a “pancake puppy” is.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAJabbatheHuttAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAfacepaintAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAterrorbeyondimaginingAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA(Via Great White Snark)
Robert Bricken is one of the original co-founders of the site formerly known as Topless Robot, and its first editor-in-chief, serving from 2008-12. He brought the site to prominence with “nerd news, humor and self-loathing” as its motto, raising it from total internet obscurity to a readership in the millions, with help from his savage “FAQ” movie reviews and Fan Fiction Fridays. Under his tenure Topless Robot was covered by Gawker, Wired, Defamer, New York magazine, ABC News, and others, and his articles have been praised by Roger Ebert, Avengers actor Clark Gregg, comedian and The Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax, and others. He is currently the managing editor of io9.com. Despite decades as both an amateur and professional nerd, he continues to be completely unprepared for either the zombie apocalypse or the robot uprising.