Now that Lance Armstrong has been busted, it probably isn’t safe to get away with using steroids in bicycle races any more. But that doesn’t mean there aren’t still ways to give yourself an unfair advantage. Before you can respond to any accusation with, “I know you are but what am I?”, I give you the essential cycling gear for all true loners and rebels:
Whether you’re trying out for the Satan’s Helpers or starting a paper route dressed as a nun, this aerodynamic outfit tells the world that whatever you achieved in your last race, you meant to do that. Just make sure to start your day with a complete breakfast of Mr. T cereal; and when you finally find what you’re looking for and say au revoir to the day, it’s still the perfect outfit in which to toast a celebratory tequila.
Given some of Pee-wee’s offscreen activities, however, the way the outfit highlights the crotch is just a tad uncomfortable.